#also. if we’re talking technical art wise each of these is done in a different kind of lighting that could take place in my room.

[starboystudios]

posting this triptych i did in 2020 as the final piece for the @25yearsofvelvetgoldmine event.

this is about a complicated emotional period in my life, in which i used the character of malcolm as an outlet for my difficulties and as a aid to work through them. as pictured is an acrylic painting of my room at the time, and each of the three images are it modified in somewhat different ways to reflect different elements of that period of time. the only colour in the piece is within the lettering of the phrase “i will do anything for you”, a line i found incredibly evocative from the roxy music song if there is something (there is actually one exception to that, in the nail polish on a pinky finger in the third painting)

this film is so important to me and formative to the person i am and this period of time is part of that impact. thank you velvet goldmine, thank you todd haynes, and most of all, thank you malcolm.

bonus: this sketch i did MONTHS before that was the starting point for the piece.

[red-hood-redemption]

SO I know I’m like, super late to the party, but I finally got my hands on Robin 2021 and there is literally no one for me to talk to about it so now I’m just screaming my thoughts into the void ✌

First off, before i even bought the first two issues, I read through a lot of other people’s opinions on it to kinda get an idea of where it was going characterization-wise for Damian, and because of all the mixed reactions, I figured I should just read it myself and find out. Now I am the FURTHEST thing from a comic book authority, so like, this is truly just an opinion piece but if it convinces anyone to give the run a chance, then yay!!! Honestly, I’m really glad I gave it a shot because I’m genuinely hooked! I’m actually excited about this series (and it scares me lol)!!!

I'm gonna separate my thoughts into two sections: characters, and story, mainly for my own ease, but also if anyone cares more about one thing or the other it's easier to distinguish. But,  the line is a little blurry so if I end up getting a little too much into the characterization in the story section, just bear with me lmao. OH and I'm going to try and keep this as un-spoilery as possible but we'll just have to see. SOOOOOOOO

Characters

I think it goes without saying that Melnikov's art is absolutely gorgeous, and really does show how much Damian has grown up. It makes me want to sob its so beautiful, everyone is so pretty, even the guy that looks like a washed up, high as fuck Tony Stark lmao. But moving on to the actual characters,

Rose Wilson

I honestly don't know too much about Rose, I haven't read enough about her to say anything about her characterization and how it compares to her other appearances, or whether or not she is OOC, but so far, I'm enjoying her taking up the "big sis" role, like, immediately lmao.

I don't know how much I trust her yet, but I definitely get the vibe that even if she does betray Dami in any way, she's probably gonna stick her neck out for Dami again and he's probably gonna do the same.

I'm really intrigued about her motivations for being here. Obviously, Respawn has something to do with it, but I want to know what's up with that. I've seen a lot of theories and I'm so excited. Also side note, that Black Swan chick is hot, and I can't wait to see more of her in action!!!

I feel like Ravager knows a WHOLE lot more than Dami does about the interesting things going on on the island, mainly because she's been doing a lot more sitting and waiting than he has as of yet, but I'm hoping to see more of the two of them doing detective-y sleuthing together. We love a mysteryyyy

Flatline

Okay but real talk, why does she look like a character straight out of Monster High

Honestly tho, I dig it. It's cute! She's cute! She isn't annoying (yet) but I don't know if I care too much about her other than she would make a cute friend for Dami.

I think the problem with DC is that they know people LOVE Harley Quinn and they try so hard to make characters just like her but it always falls short, so honestly I am a little wary of her character development in this run, but I'm willing to give her a shot since her little coffin purse on the cover of the second issue is so damn cute. I'm a slut for character design, okay?

Oh speaking of Flatline and Dami, I don't ship it and I don't want them to force a romantic relationship into Damian's "coming of age"/"soul-searching" moment okay? Because that's what this run is about, at least to me! More on that in the story section!

They're literally 13/14 years old. That's 8th-9th grade, babes lets think about that for a minute

Also let's stop the whole "lets introduce a female character just to make her a love interest!" bullshit okay?

Basically, Flatline is interesting, or at least has the potential to be, but I don't want to get my hopes up because DC is notorious for disservicing their female characters 😕

I think the mixed reaction to her is valid, I don't think she's had much time to make a solid impression yet, so I guess you'd have to read it for yourself. Personally, I don't understand why people immediately hate her, especially because she's like, 14, and what kid that age isn't annoying? like at least a little bit lmao! But, yeah. I don't trust her either but literally everyone on this island is sketchy at least and a murderer at best, so hey 🤷‍♀️

Damian

His new outfit lmaoooo at first I was like "WHaT is this child wearing? You'd think Dick would have rubbed off on him and taught him what good taste looks like" but then I saw the later outfit, with the gold patterning and those sleeeevessssss ugh and I take it all back. A Fashion Icon TM. Truly stunning. A sight to behold. So proud, look at him go 😪

I think there's a lot of different opinions on Damian's characterization in this run, and I can definitely see where its coming from, but I disagree with the notion that Damian has been done dirty and reverted to a blood-thirsty, feral child.  And I have a LOT of opinions on the whole "feral" thing regarding Damian period (but that's for another time).

I don't think of Dami's rampage as a regression for his character. He's letting of emotions right then and I think its very similar to him venting. Its just not verbal, its physical and he knows he's not going to have to grapple with the consequences of his actions on the first kill. He knows he's technically not doing anything wrong.

He is clearly upset at Bruce and his failure to protect Alfred, and while Dami and Bruce are really often described as being very similar personality-wise, they are still distinctly different individuals who came to their current moral codes in vastly different ways. Bruce came to his "no killing" rule on his own; he made that decision for himself. It wasn't taught to him, it was a moment-of-truth kind of situation. Damian, on the other hand is in a vastly different situation.

Dami is, I think, at the beginning of the climb to his own moment-of-truth. He is in his rebellious phase like Dick, where he's gone off to spread his wings. It's not his conscious intention (at least that's not the vibe I got from reading the first two issues), but its directly underlying his "mission".

Damian is growing out of the expectations of his parents and into his own person. We all know he's been thrown from one moral code to another, both drastically different from each other. I don't think its a regression for him to lose his way a little, because realistically, he's going to have to in order to find it, specifically a moral compass that he forged on his own. He's just what? 14? Like hell a kid his age wants to listen to any form of authority. He's as stubborn as it comes. Damian needs to come to his decision regarding the path he takes in life on his own. It can't be made for him. He's seen and lived both sides of the coin, and I don't think he should be forced just yet to choose a side or pave a middle ground, but I do think that he should get the opportunity to see and experience all the gray areas on his own.

I think I'll transition from characterization to story here, because let's face it, this story is about Damian dealing with his confused emotions right now, in the wake of losing Alfred, a man that kind of acted like a grounding presence, a voice of reason, or a moral compass for him (and honestly Bruce and the rest of the bat crew if we're honest).

Story

So there's a lottttt going on in the story that is really enticing and exciting, and I'm really interested to see how it all plays out.

All the rules to the tournament are so, sketchy? Like they don't sound like they are meant to be sketchy, its basic safety and guidelines or whatever but with all the glowy green shit and the stakes of the tournament? Yeah, you can bet your ass its the "no fighting at night" and other shit is gonna be broken, and that's likely when the fun begins *insert evil laughter*😈

I was slightly put off by the whole "let me teach you to have fun" thing with Rose, because it's not like Dick, Steph, Jon, and like the Titans haven't done that with him too, but eh, not something I'm too concerned about. It's definitely just a segway to get us introduced to more characters that might become Damian's friends which will be interesting considering what Mother Soul said about fraternizing.

And that's another thing! I want Damian to make some friends! I know he already has some, but here's the thing: I think he's already been struggling with belonging, and he's definitely been feeling the disconnect between his life and other kids', whether they're supers/vigilantes or not. I think it'd be nice to see Dami have the experience of meeting people who he at first thinks are just like him!! and then realizing that maybe he doesn't really fit in here either, and that it's okay to feel like you don't belong, as isolating as it may feel at times. It just means you have a set of values. I want him to realize that its not always a bad thing, and you learn more about yourself and your own heart this way.

And from there,,, lets talk about the thing that stuck out to me the most in these two issues! GUILT!! It's mentioned SOO many times already, and I think its going to be a really fun, heartbreaking, and interesting aspect to explore about Damian. Is it guilt about his actions? Leaving behind family? Not being able to save Alfred? Not being a perfect example of Robin? He may call himself Robin but he doesn't sport the OG look or symbol like before. I love that his guilt takes on the form of Alfred though, or at least his conscious. I think it'd be really interesting to see this conscious disappear when Dami strays too far from his center, and when he finds it again, it reappears.

I really think that seeing Damian's actions in this run as a failure of character development is an unfair assessment, though. You can't do everything right in order to grow! You have to screw up, lose your way, experiment with life to find your fit, right?

Something tells me he doesn’t care for the tournament itself, but the end result, and the people behind it and more about WHY it was hidden from him. I mean he finds out the tournament TRULY begins once everyone has died once and tHEN he kill everyone? Felt to me less like a “killing spree” as everyone put it to a calculated decision to get the tournament going. He literally cuts Mother Soul off in the middle of her speaking to start fighting at the beginning

Anyway, just my thoughts lol. I do have some issues with the past two issues, and I might make a separate post about that, but honestly not enough for me to dislike Robin 2021 so far. I mean, besides the very obvious white-washing in the second issue, because DC can absolutely do better. And they should. It’s like they thought we wouldn’t notice???? But besides that, story and characterization-wise I’m looking forward to more. Here’s to hoping it stays that way, just with a better colorist!

[valkyrieelysia18]

RWBY Rewrite: The Relics

Hello there everyone! I’m back with another post on my Rewrite series that hopefully will delight you.

Admittedly, this might be an odd topic after my last post. Well, that one was pretty big and I wanted something a bit smaller to tackle. I had thought about getting into the White Fang next, but that post is going to be a dozy and then I thought of the Relics. And I thought “Sure, that’ll work.”

The Relics, in my opinion, were handled poorly in the show. Items that can grant great power and when collected something amazing/terrible have been done before and done well (which is honestly true a lot of stuff in RWBY). In RWBY, we didn’t know the Relics existed until over halfway through Volume 4, reduced the Maidens to essentially gate keys in Volume 5, and even at the end of Volume 6 we only know what the lamp can do on its own. I mean come on, Dragon Ball took one episode to explain its titular item (granted they were a lot more simple, but still)! So we’re going to tackle these things.

Now before we get into the individual items, let’s address some things that about the Items as a whole.

The first thing to note about the Relics in this Rewrite is that gathering the four together won’t summon the Gods back to Remnant. The Brothers in this Rewrite are much more distant figures, preferring to observe their creations rather than directly interfering. 

So then, why does Salem want to collect them? The full reason will be in her and Ozpin’s backstory post, but to put it simply Salem has a more personal history with the Relics here and wishes to get them back. She views that leaving them in the hands of mortals will just lead to them abusing the items, causing more pain and suffering for the world. Not an entirely baseless viewpoint as we’ll get into soon enough.

The next thing to note is that before the Relics were under the care of the Academies and Ozpin’s group, each was possessed by a former Royal Family. Vale had Choice, Mistral had Knowledge, Vacuo had Destruction, and Mantle had Creation. Granted as time passed and certain things were failed to be passed on, by the time of the Great War only the Crown of Choice’s abilities were known and even then only to a select few.

Each Relic will have a have a spirit that will be involved with the item’s power. I’m not sure whether it was said in RWBY after I left that each Relic had a spirit or whether Jinn was an exception, but I’m going to roll with the first one. Also, each Spirit technically doesn’t have a biological sex, they choose how they want to look.

Also, only the Lamp will have the blue glow. The other Relics will associated with the color of their kingdom: the Staff having a White crystal, the Sword having an Orange gleaming blade, and a Green jewel in the center of the Crown. They can still have the gold, but this will make them more distinct from each other.

Finally, they are NOT the major Grimm magnets as presented in the original show. While they do give off a sort of a signature that Grimm can recognize, it’s a faint one. It would attract Grimm attention if it stayed out for too long in the wild or Grimm would be looking for it in an area if Salem directed them personally to it.

All right, now let’s get down to business!

Knowledge: Jinn

The Lamp of Knowledge is the only Relic we’ve gotten to know it’s full abilities as well as meet its spirit. Even then, I think that three questions every a hundred years is maybe a little too limited for something that is a power of the gods. So, I’m changing it.

Instead of granting three questions within a certain time frame, I like the idea of giving anyone who uses the lamp the ability to ask Jinn one question of the past and present. Everyone is entitled to knowledge after all and they should determine how they want to use it. I know, I kind of stole the idea from the scepter from the direct to video Aladdin King of Thieves, but I think it’s a good setup. It’s powerful, but it still has limitations. This will contrast with its opposite the Crown, which will be more exclusive and deal with the future.

Then there’s Jinn and am I the only who thought her design was lazy? I mean we get it, she’s a genie, but there’s nothing interesting or unique in her design. Pretty sure comparisons to Aladdin’s Genie and Magi’s Paimon have been made. I’d leave her redesign to someone who is fully capable of putting a new spin on it, but I would like the idea of her not having a consistent wardrobe. Maybe have her wear a top that was similar to something found in Central Mistral while wearing a hairpiece you would identify being at home in Eastern Mistral. Not only would this symbolize how multicultural Mistral is, but also how history is made of many different parts.

Now Jinn herself wouldn’t be that different of a character from canon. She would still be a rather pleasant, teasing spirit who is quite thrilled to finally be out of the Vault again. Amongst the Relic spirits, she’s probably the one who has the least regard for mortals, but that’s partly because of what people usually use her for. Most people would ask about power, riches, dark secrets; it got kind of boring and predictable for Jinn and it was less pleasant when they would get mad at her for telling them truths they didn’t want to hear. Let’s just say a few rulers of Mistral that used her Relic didn’t use it very wisely.

Jinn’s favorite type of petitioner would be someone like Oobleck: someone who would ask her about some part of history that doesn’t have much known about it and she doesn’t get to talk about nearly as much as she’d like to so she actually goes into more detail than necessary. She’d also respect someone who probably knows the answer she’s going to give them is not one they want to hear, but is resolved to face the truth whatever it is.

Creation: Eve/Ev

The Staff of Creation is a bit interesting in that works better for some than others. It uses what a person pictures in their mind to bring what they want to reality, within reason. So it really works best with someone very creative and has a clear vision of what they want to do. It can’t create something that’s alive (like a dog) or that had been living (like someone who has passed on). Also, the more detailed and involved an item is, the longer it will take for the Staff to recharge. For example, the little crystals (which are basically a crystallized form of the staff’s power) Ironwood has been creating as an alternative energy source would take a couple of hours to a day depending on how many were created at a time. Whereas a huge detailed palace would take decades to over a century, longer than it would have taken them to build in real time.

Eve is the Spirit of Creation and would have a rather androgynous appearance. I was also thinking that the Spirit could be called Eve or Ev depending on who’s addressing them. Their main color would be white, but their appearance would resemble that of artist. Perhaps having smudges of charcoal on their face or a splattering of color on an apron. I think it would be really ironic that the kingdom that banned the arts at one point would have a Spirit that is quintessentially an artist, heck Eve might have locked up during that time and forgotten about until after the war was over. Again, I’d leave the design to someone who is much better suited for it.

Now in this Rewrite, the Staff is no longer in the Vault because Ironwood took it out. He reasoned that having a powerful tool that could be used to in the fight against of Salem would be wasted simply being left in the Vault. Needless to say, Eve doesn’t like the way Ironwood is using them. It’s clear the power is just a means to an end to him, something he can use to make Atlas more secure. There is no love or passion for what he’s creating and he treats them with no courtesy or respect, not listening at all when they try to talk to him. When Watts eventually comes to retrieve the Staff, Eve is basically “Oh thank the Brothers! I could care less about your plans, just get me out of here!” It’s sort of a summary of what partly causes Ironwood’s fall: the inability to get that people aren’t purely logical beings that will do what they are told for the greater good, but emotional irrational people who will snap when pushed too far.

The best person Eve could work with is someone who specializes in the visual arts: painting, sculpture, architecture, etc. Someone who has a very clear vision and obviously very passionate about the things they want to create. Eve would also enjoy someone who is perfectly okay if they don’t get their creation exactly right on the first try  and is more than willing to take Eve’s advice/criticism. 

Destruction: Adamou

The Sword of Destruction is perhaps the easiest Relic to understand and use. Using the sword will increase your physical abilities and the sword can send out waves of power that can devastate a group of foes or alter the environment. However, using it takes quite a bit of energy. Best case scenario will involve a week of recovery. Worst case scenario you expend years of your life. Even the King of Vale with all his power, lost two or three years he should have had to live on that Final Battle of the Great War. This cost was so great to the old Vacuo Monarchs (and given that most of their past was peaceful) that it was hidden away and forgotten about until the Great War happened and the last King of Vale rediscovered it.

I’m still little unsure of how I would like Adamou, the Spirit of Destruction, to look like. The closest example that comes to mind is something like Nemesis from Fire Emblem Three Houses: a large older battle scarred man with light armor. Once again, I’m a writer and not a character designer so if anyone has ideas I’d be willing to see them. That being said, his name is actually a West Africa variation of the name Adam, putting him in contrast to Eve. Anyone who has a passing understanding of the Old Testament should probably understand what I’m doing here.

Adamou, despite his outward and intimidating appearance, is actually a pretty easy going spirit. He’s also somewhat disappointed in how he doesn’t get used as much compared to his brethren, but he does understand why and has great respect for the old rulers of Vacuo for doing what they did. He enjoys a good fight, but he also enjoys competitions of all kinds whether physical or mental. You could talk him into a little kiddie board game and he’d go at with as much glee as slaying a hoard of Grimm. As the Spirit of Destruction, he knows better than anyone that life is finite and it’s best to live and fight to the fullest until your time comes.

Adamou would gravitate to people like Yang or Pyrrha: those who enjoy combat and wish to live their life to the fullest. Those who’s spirits burn bright even if it means they burn out quicker. That said, he also respects those who fight to protect those they love and things they believe in (to an extent, he’s not fond of fanatics who would give their lives away without a second thought for something obviously sketchy).

Choice: Caesar

Whereas the Lamp reveals the past and present, the Crown of Choice is focused on the future. Those who wear it have the ability to see the possible outcomes of any choice they face. As such you can see what the cost and consequences of your options. That being said, it’s not a hundred percent as the future is always in motion and there’s no telling how other people’s actions and choices may affect what you decide. Still, the predictions do tend to be very accurate. There’s also the possibility that wielder may obsess over said choices or may become dependent on the Crown, but that has happened very rarely since Caesar usually stops their wielders before they go too far in this.  

The thing about the Crown is that unlike the Lamp, it can only be used by one person. When its user dies, the Crown is free to be taken up by another and once it has bonded to someone they are bound for life. Now the Crown can be lent to another person, but every wielder can only do so once in their lifetime and those who borrow it can only use it for three days. On the fourth day, the crown will tighten around the person’s head, giving great pain and hallucinations, and will only stop if that person takes it off at which they can no longer use it. 

Seeing the obvious issues of such a powerful item potentially falling into the wrong hands, the first King of Vale came to an agreement with the Spirit Caesar to set up a trap/test to anyone who would try to claim the Crown. The Crown would be placed in a special chamber when not in use with a multitude of different crowns and circlets in the room. It’s up to the person to choose the right crown with no outside input. Get it wrong and the crown will turn to ash and that person is forever barred from taking the Crown. The twist? The true crown’s appearance in the trial is in fact not a crown, but a wreath of laurels (which can be seen on Beacon’s symbol). And if you’re thinking this sounds quite a bit like the scenario from Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, that’s cause it is as its kind of the sort of trial you’d find in a fable or fairy tale. It would take either a very thoughtful and self aware person to pass the trial as well as one not greedy. It’s also made a little more complicated as the Crown looks slightly different for each of it’s wielders, which will be noticed in an earlier scene with our group of heroes in a hall of portraits of the past monarchs of the Vale. Because that is what determined who would succeed to the throne of Vale.

And yes, we will learn a lot more on this when I do the King of Vale Rewrite Post.

As a result of the nature of Crown, Caesar is the spirit that is the most close to mortals as they build a strong personal relationship with their users. As part of this, when a new wielder is chosen, Caesar will take upon the appearance of their predecessor to guide the new one. I’m still a little torn over whether Caesar should appear as the old wielder when they first took up the Crown, in the peak of that person’s life, or how they looked when they died. 

Caesar, for the most part, acts as a sort of advisor to their wielder. That can come off as them acting very parental which given how often the Crown would pass from parent to child is quite fitting. They will give advice when asked for, but in general will advise against using the Crown’s power if its a situation their user can more than handle on their own. They are very much the type of person who would advocate that “It’s the journey, not the destination” and is more than willing to let their wielder fail if it meant they could learn something from it. That said, they do get very attached and is probably the only Spirit that would openly speak positively about Salem due to her history with them and also has issues with Ozpin. They and Jinn will be the ones to eventually give the more specific details to group about Ozpin and Salem’s history after they got the general outline elsewhere.

Caesar has worked with many different types of people, but the main thing they each had in common is that they were the type of people who were always concerned with the consequences of their actions for those around them and the kingdom of Vale as a whole. They generally work best with someone who is humble and empathetic. However, they generally don’t like someone if they put a singular goal above everything else without consideration of all the consequences (again, issues with Ozpin).

Well, that turned out longer than I was expecting it too. I guess I just got into the creative juices. Anyway, I think I’ll do a different post before coming back to do Cinder. And just as a reminder people, I dropped this show at the end of Volume 6 so don’t bring up anything after that to me in a comment.

See you soon!

[jamaisjoons]

everythingoes | kth & jjk

Summary: He is all the things you feel when fireworks light up the night sky. But everything is momentary and everything fades, just like those very same fireworks.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Taehyung x Reader; Jungkook x Reader

Genre: ANGST, so much fucking angst, smut, (barely there) fluff

Word Count: 24k

Warnings: cheating, sweet taehyung being a dick (I’m sorry tiger cub, I love you), a toxic relationship, possessive Taehyung, sex while semi-intoxicated (they can still consent), oral (fem and male receiving), panty play? I think, taehyung with a monster schlong, deep throating, face fucking, dirty talk, breast play, very slight cock/body worship, face sitting/riding, squirting, cum eating, riding, taehyung having a crazy amount of stamina, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, spanking, forced orgasm, creampie, slight breeding kink

A/N: Highkey, I was listening to mono when I came up with this plot and then when I was typing a certain scene. I wonder if you can guess exactly what scene that is lmao. In other news, this AU fried my last remaining brain cell and honestly I just want to rest for three years. My fingers are practically number from typing. UNEDITED because I’m DONE with it (for now). I’ll edit when my brain cells regenerate

You sat in the corner of the lecture room, trying your hardest to focus on the reading material in front of you. Usually, you barely paid attention in lectures, preferring to scroll through social media. It wasn’t that you were a bad student, in most classes, you would pay attention. The sole reason for your lack of attention in this one class was due to the professor reading off the slides, word for word. She never explained anything further and therefore her lectures were as boring as boring could get. But it also meant that you could do what you want and not miss a single thing.

So why was it that you were trying so hard to pay attention, this particular lecture?

You heard a small giggle and stiffened in your seat, the sound causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You grit your teeth and slid further down into your seat, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Thatwas the reason for your sudden attention to the Professor’s material. You glared at the screen, trying your hardest to keep your eyes from wandering away from your screen. However, when a deep chuckle followed, you couldn’t help but chance a glance. It was almost as if you were drawn to the sound, completely ensnared by the deep throaty laugh. Almost like the temptation of a siren’s song.

And then it was as if you couldn’t look away.

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break your gaze away from him. No, instead you take in the sight of from your seat. You’re currently at the back of the lecturer room, as far into the corner as you could be and your seat gives you the perfect view of him. Or well, technically a perfect view of the back of his head and side profile. With a slight wave of nostalgia, you realise he’s growing out his hair again and there are signs of the cutest mullet. The locks by the nape of his neck stick out in different directions and for a brief moment you get irresistible urge to run your fingers through them. His hair, unlike two weeks ago, was bleached to a light shade of blonde and while you love his natural hair best, you can’t help but think he looks devilishly handsome.

You had met Kim Taehyung six years ago, when the both of you were sixteen. Of course, you had known of Taehyung throughout the entirety of your high school career. He was the highschool heartthrob, the most beautiful boy to walk the halls of Busan High. He had broken more hearts than you could count on your hands. Of course, that was more due to the sheer number of girls who were in love with him. It was almost impossible to not know who Kim Taehyung was. Despite his status, he was still loved by everyone and anyone. He was as charismatic and friendly as they come; traits that leant to his ‘heartthrob’ persona and sometimes you wondered how a sweetheart such as Taehyung had even managed to break hearts. The boy was a dork and as sweet as cotton candy.

You had never thought much of Taehyung, even in school. However, that had all changed one faithful day.

{Flashback: March 2013}

You were sitting in your art and photography class, staring out the window as you waited class to start. It was the middle of Spring and the plum blossoms had already bloomed, the roads completely littered with the petals. Even with the light wind, you could see the rustling of the branches, with each movement, more and more blush pink, delicate petals scattering in the air. You lose yourself in the scenic landscape for a couple more minutes. That is, until you’re cut out of your daydream by a series of giggles and you turn your attention to the girls sitting at the front of the class.

Their eyes are solely fixated on the boy walking through the door, a large boxy smile on his face, framed either side by his chubby cheeks. His large brown eyes are sparkling, uneven lids just adding to the subtle beauty that surrounds him. Kim Taehyung was the school heartthrob and for good reasons. He was even best friends with the school council president Park Jimin, the two as thick as thieves ever since Taehyung moved from Daegu to Busan. The girls continued giggling as they stared dreamily at Taehyung, their faces flushed lightly as they sent him their brightest smile.

Taehyung sent them both flirtatious winks, causing both of them to fluster, one even dropping her books. Taehyung let out a small chuckle before he bent over to pick them up, squatting down until he’s face to face with the girl. You watched as he slowly gathers the books into his hand before rising back to his full height. You keep your attention trained at him, eyes narrowed on his figure, watching as he hands the books over to the girl, fingertips brushing against hers before smiling at her cheekily. The girl lets out a small squeak, her hot red before she turns and quickly runs away. You roll your eyes at the cheesy exchange, sneering slightly at the girls before turning your attention back out the window.

Soon enough, class begins and your teacher drones on and on about still life drawings and the depth of emotion you can capture with them. He continues monotonously monologuing the ‘true’ nature of still art and it takes every single ounce of your control to resist the urge to scream. This was practically all he spoke about, and you understood it stemmed from his passion for still life (despite the complete lack of emotion in his voice); but at the same time, you’d rather learn about something else. Especially considering this was your fifth class about still life drawing.

Therefore, instead of paying attention, you continue ignoring the teacher; choosing to daydream as you stare out the window instead. You imagine yourself being somewhere far away from here, quite literally anywherebut here and before you know it, your teacher is dismissing you. You let out a sigh of relief as you begin packing up, shoving your books back into your bag before getting up to leave. However, as soon as you stood up, you come face to chest with someone. You tilt your head, eyebrow shooting into your hairline as you were met with Taehyung’s smiling face.

You reel back slightly, trying to put in some distance between you and the man, wondering what on earthhe could want with you. You look around the room slightly, confused by the baffling glares of all the girls who were also in your class. You sent them a sneer, causing them to let out a scoff before walking away, muttering something about how something or the other wasn’t fair. You briefly recognise the girl who had dropped her books earlier looking slightly disheartened, sending a longing glance towards Taehyung before looking at you with jealousy. You turn your attention back to Taehyung, raising your eyebrow once against.

“Is there something you need, Taehyung-ssi?” You asked and Taehyung’s face morphed into one of confusion.

“Were you paying attention ____-ssi? We’re partners” Taehyung replies and you almost choke, spluttering at him.

“What? Partners for what?” You splutter and Taehyung laughs at you, the noise deep and baritone and you wonder whatsixteen-year old’s voice is so deep. He sounds more like a man than anything.

“Miss Ahn partnered us up for the end of term project. We have two weeks to come up with what we want to do, art or photography wise” Taehyung replies cheerily and you nod along, finally understanding why the girls were angry at you. You let out a small sigh, this was surely going to cause problems. How were you and Taehyung supposed to work on a project for two weeks without you being murdered by his fan club? You silently pray to whatever god is out there, because you were sure you were going to need it.

“Alright, drop me your number and we can figure out when we need to meet and work on it. Have you thought of something you want to work on?” You ask and Taehyung nods eagerly as he punches his number into your phone.

“I’ve got a few ideas, one of them inspired by Van Gogh. However, I also want to do something photography related. But we can speak more about another day” Taehyung says and you nod swiftly.

“Alright perfect. I look forward to working with you Taehyung-ssi” You say more out of obligation and societal politeness than anything else and Taehyung’s only response is a large grin, a cheeky wink following as he turns to leave.

{End of Flashback}

That’s the first time you meet Taehyung. You had been expecting to work on a simple project and then both move on to your separate ways. What you didn’t expect is to genuinely enjoy his company over the next two weeks. Sure, his flirting was borderline excessive and ridiculous. But Taehyung was still fun to work with, especially when you realised how serious he was and how much he loved art. You didn’t expect to somehow grow attached and you especially didn’t expect for Taehyung to become your best friend. But, throughout working with him, you had realised that everyone was right. It was physically impossible to hate Taehyung; he was entirely too sweet. Suddenly, you understood exactly why all the girls would swoon over him.

Your lecturer continued droning on and on and you resisted the urge to face plant your desk out of misery. You were both in Art History, it was your minor and the only reason you had taken it was because you needed to make up the credits. You had always had a vagueinterest in art, but it could never measure up to Taehyung’s love for all things old, classic and artsy. You however, preferred academics and your major was chemistry. Why you had to take Art History to complete your Chemistry degree, you had no idea. But it was either Art History or Politics and you would ratherdiethan spend a single minute surrounded by pretentious conservatives who thought they knew how the world worked despite daddy’s money paying for everything.

The lecturer cracked a joke and you rolled your eyes from the back of the lecture hall, wishing the torture would just end. However, your attention is once again drawn by a deep chuckle, a sound that you could recognise anywhere. You watch Taehyung laugh with the rest of the class, his eyes sparkling with happiness and his lips pulled into a huge grin. His face fills you with nostalgia and you’re thrown back to the first time you questioned your previously platonic feelings for Taehyung.

{June 2014}

“____! Come on, just get in. I promise nothing will happen. You knowyou’re safest when with me” Taehyung pleads and you scoff at him, arms crossed around your chest as you eye him wearily. It’s been a good year since you befriended Taehyung. It had been a rocky start, especially considering Taehyung had tried to flirt with you constantly, despite you refusing his advances time and time again. However, eventually he had realised that you weren’t going to give in and had toned it down. Despite your art project ending, you had still kept in touch. But you could never have imagined that somehow, he’d have ended up as your best and closest friend. You trust Taehyung with your entire life. Figuratively. But as he stands there in front of you, a pout on his lips and his eyes pleading as he holds out car keys, his newly gifted car behind him, you wonder if you couldquite literallytrust Taehyung with your life.

You’re still seventeen, but Taehyung is older than you and he’s just completed his eighteenth birthday, which means that legallyTaehyung is allowed to drive. And with that, comes a test of how much you actuallytrust him. On a good day, he has your complete, unfaltering trust. But today, you’re not so sure. Because he’sjustpassed his test and you aren’t sure whether you want to get in a car with him, where he’s behind the wheel. Especially at night time, when the roads are dark and barely lit.

But Taehyung is insistent. He wants the first person he drives to be you and it has to be now, at night, because he’s driving his mother to the airport the next day. He continuously pleads and when he lets out a small whine; you give in, throwing your hands in the air. Taehyung yelps in victory, fist pumping through the air before opening your door like the gentleman he is. As soon as you get in, you buckle up; Taehyung getting into his own seat, grinning at you widely. He’s entirely too giddy and you wonder what you’re getting into. He’s got something planned and you know it as well as you know the back of your own hand.

“What?” You ask, and Taehyung lets out a little giggle. He reaches over you and rummages through the glove box before pulling something out.

“Okay, so you know, how the other day, RM dropped his new mixtape Mono? And how we said it’d be perfect to listen to on a night drive?” Taehyung says and you quirk an eyebrow, nodding slightly. He lifts up the album he pulled out and your eyebrows shoot up. So, he hadbeen planning something.

“God damn it, I should have known you were planning something. You don’thave to drop your mother to the airport, tomorrow do you? This is all just some elaborate plan for you to rope me into doing dumb shit with you at midnight” You whine, pointing an accusatory finger at Taehyung and you internally cheer victoriously when Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, you caught me! But I didwant you to be the first person I drove. Also, today is a beautiful night and I want to show this with you. Come on, ____ pretty please? For me?” Taehyung pouts and as soon as his lip quivers you know you are done for. You let out an infuriated scream, tugging your hair in frustration before smacking the dashboard. Taehyung watches you with an amused smile and you resist the urge to lean over and throttle him. Because both of you know exactlywhat Taehyung’s puppy dog look does to you. How was anyonesupposed to resist him when he was flashing his wide brown eyes, plush lips pulled into a perfected pout?

“Fuck! Fine! Fine, just fucking drive. But I just want you to know, if we die, I’m haunting your ass forever” You threaten and Taehyung grins brightly before turning the key and starting the ignition. A small sense of dread fills you when Taehyung slightly revs the engine, one hand on the gear stick. You dotrust Taehyung to keep you safe, because he was right, you weresafest when with him. However, Taehyung was known to be slightly reckless and you didn’t put it past him to suddenly speed down the motorway.

“Alright babe, get ready for the best night of your life” Taehyung says with a wink and you jokingly gag at his words. Even though you were both best friends, Taehyung still threw his lame pickup lines or ‘smooth’ moves on you every now and then ‘To keep you on your toes’ he claimed, but you both knew he just enjoyed riling you up. Plus, it was more out of habit than anything, because at 18, Taehyung is somehow a bigger flirt than he was at 17. You theorise that perhaps it’s to do with his newfound growth spurt, making his already tall stature even taller.

Taehyung shifts the gear and slowly begins reversing, one hand around the back of your seat as he turns around, making sure the space behind him his clear through the rear window. Once you’re out of the drive, Taehyung shifts gears once again and presses down on the accelerator and suddenly the two of you are driving down the empty roads of Busan.

“Come on Iris, play the CD” Taehyung says and you hope Taehyung doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath. He had begun calling you Iris three months into your friendship, the nickname solely reserved for you. You had questioned him many times as to why he called you that, but each time the explanation changed. The first was because according to him, ‘Irises’ was his favourite painting by Vincent Van Gogh; however, you knew that to be false because his favourite painting was ‘Starry Night over the Rhône’. The second time you asked, he had said it was because irises were a beautiful flower and somehow, they just suited you, even ifyour favourite flower were chrysanthemums. The third time you ask, he finally admits it’s because Iris is the god of Rainbows and irises are purple. The last colour of the rainbow. He says the colour signifies how you’d be together forever. Just you and him. You liked that idea.

“Iris? ____? You okay?” Taehyung asks and you blink owlishly as he pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head slightly, smiling sheepishly as you slot the CD into the player. You turn the volume up slightly and you hear the soft sound of a car driving on the road begin before the loud chiming as ‘Tokyo’ starts playing, the soft sound of the piano filling the car. RM’s deep, but low husky voice begins and you’re slowly plunged into the calm of the atmosphere.

It’s completely dark outside as it’s nearing 1am, and neither you nor Taehyung speak as he navigates expertly through the streets of Busan. You lean your head against the window, condensation slightly blurring your view. But even then, you can still make out the dim lights of the stars and moon as they shine above you, the city lights drowning them out. However, the further you drive, the more you notice them as they slowly become brighter and brighter, and suddenly; when you can see them clearly, you realise that Taehyung has driven you far from the city.

The two of you are on a road by the beachside, the lights of the city now faint and behind you. You can faintly hear the crashing of the ocean waves on the beach as you race through empty roads. You startle slightly as you breathe in the crisp, slightly salted air, wondering when Taehyung had rolled down the windows. A part of you wonders how long you were staring out the window, completely lost in your thoughts. ‘uhgood’ is currently playing and with a startling realisation, you recognize it being the fourth time it’s been played, which means you’ve been driving for more than an hour. You glance at the clock in the car, eyes widening at the display. How was it already nearing 2am? The drive barelyfelt like twenty minutes, how had a complete two hours passed?

You turn back to Taehyung, opening your mouth to say something about turning back but instead you’re utterly floored by the view you’re met with. Taehyung is completely focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel loose. He looks at ease, a soft smile on his face as the mixtape continues playing in the background. The wind slowly rustles through his hair, the susurrus noises only adding to the stillness of the atmosphere surrounding you. You’re almost captivated by how beautiful he is. He always has been. You know this. It is not an opinion but a mere fact. Because Taehyung isbeautiful. But seeing him now, you’re almost pulled into a trance.

Taehyung has grown up the last year, he’s lost some of his chubbiness, but you can still see hints around his cheekbones. His jaw is slightly more angled now and his features sharp, especially his eyes as they twinkle with mischief. The soft glow of the moonlight highlights his high cheekbones, his tan skin softly glowing, the darkness completely encasing him; almost as if it’s highlighting him in the low light. His hair is softly blowing in the wind, the dark locks slightly ruffled and simply adding to his charm. From your angle, you can see his long thick eyelashes brush against his cheeks every time he blinks. Right here, right now, Taehyung is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen or could ever know. You don’t think he could get anymore stunning.

And then he turns to you.

And he smiles.

Your breath hitches slightly, the large grin pushing up his cheeks and emphasizing the slight chubbiness he still has with him, thanks to his grandmother’s constant mission to keep him well fed and healthy. His boxy smile stirs something in you and then he winks and applies more pressure onto the accelerator, speeding up. You know you should be slightly worried; it’s dark and Taehyung is speeding. But you’re so caught up in how breath-taking he looks that you fail to reprimand him. Instead, you drown further into him.

“You alright Iris?” Taehyung asks, his voice deep and husky and you have no idea why, but your heart achesat his words.

“I’m fine Tae, just fine” You breathe out, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight breathlessness to your voice. Especially when he moves his hand from the back of your seat to take your hand in his, squeezing it slightly.

{End of Flashback}

You scoff at your past self, wishing desperately that you could go back in time and rewind everything. That was the day you began falling for your best friend. A huge cliché, you were aware. But how could you notfall for Taehyung? He was almost perfect. However, Taehyung didn’t date. He was a flirt and a fuckboy through and through. You knew this better than anyone. You had always thought you’d be immune to it, but how the mighty have fallen. You smiled bitterly as you pondered your very much unrequited love for your best friend. Best friend. You continue perusing Taehyung, your heart plummeting in your chest.

Sometimes it hurt just looking at him.

You could still clearly remember the day you had the startling realisation that you were in love with your best friend. It was almost four years ago, when the two of you had just graduated from highschool.

{Flashback July 2015}

“Iris, come on sweet, it’s our last night as highschool students! We can’tmiss this” Taehyung whines and you ignore the way your heartbeat slightly speeds up at his nickname.

“God Taehyung, why are you dragging me along? It’s not as if you’ll actually be with me the night anyway” You glare at him and Taehyung looks at you in both surprise and confusion.

“____, why would I not be with you?” Taehyung asks and you let out a little scoff. You knew Taehyung like the back of your hand. You had been best friends for almost two years now and you’d like to think you knew exactly what would happen at the celebratory bonfire for seniors. Taehyung would spend twenty minutes with you, keeping you company and making sure you were alright. But then, he’d find himself a girl and chase after her and then he’d disappear. Like he always did.

“Tae come on, we both know you’re going to leave the minute you find a girl you want to fuck” You sneer and as soon as the words are out, you wonder why they leave a bad taste in your mouth. Or why your stomach churns at the thought of Taehyung with another girl.

“God ____, I know I’m usually like that, but I’m not going to ditch you tonight of all nights. If I promise to stay with you, will you come?” Taehyung pouts and you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Taehyung only deepens his pout and you let out a sigh of defeat, Taehyung grinning when he hears it. You silently berated yourself, wondering why he had so much power over you. Why was it that a singlepout always had you doing his bidding? It was as if he did it and cast a spell on you, making sure you always bent to his whims.

“Fuck, fine! But if you leave me Kim Taehyung, I swear to any god out there, I willfind you and castrate you. Whether you’re balls deep in the girl or not” You threatened, Taehyung wincing slightly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tight to his body.

“Gods Iris, I promise not to leave you. I just wanna spend the night having fun with my best friend” Taehyung promises, placing a soft kiss onto your temple and silently you wonder just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

A couple hours later, you find yourself sitting beside a bonfire, surrounded by various other people in your year who are graduating with you. True to his word, Taehyung has refused to leave your side; even when girls come over to try and lure him from you. Taehyung, however, obediently stays by your side. Which is why, you find yourself seated on the grass, Taehyung sitting behind you on one of the makeshift seats. Your back is pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms is loosely thrown around your body and this you’re completely encompassed by his warmth. You’re so close to Taehyung that you can feel the deep rumbles of his laughter more than you can hear it.

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating from this hell hole of a school. I honestly didn’t even think we’d make it this far” Park Jimin, Taehyung’s other best friend and self-proclaimed soulmate laments and you roll your eyes at him, throwing some grass at him.

“Agreed on the hell hole, but didn’t you love school? You were one of the best students in our year, not to mention school president ever since you set foot in Busan High” You teased and Jimin looks at you with wide eyes, full of shock and mock betrayal.

“Hey! Just because I excelled at school, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was a hell hole. I can’t wait to go to university and study dance. Goodbye maths, goodbye science” Jimin cheers victoriously and you snort at him.

“Weren’t you top of the class in maths and science?” You snicker and Jimin slams the ground with his small palms in mock rage, pointing at you accusatorily.

“YAH! Stop pocking holes in my story and let me whine in peace” Jimin yells and you snicker.

“Sorry Jiminie, please Mr. School President, tell us all about how much you hated school and are glad to be moving onto university” You tease and this time Jimin turns to Taehyung.

“Yah, Taehyung, control your girl” Jimin complains and you immediately freeze, wondering why your heart skips a beat and begins racing at the speed of hummingbird wings. You except Taehyung to rebuff and correct Jimin, but all he does is chuckle and you can feel the deep baritone sound against your back; the feeling only serving to speed up your heartbeat further.

“Iris does whatever she wants Jiminie, if I can’t stop her teasing me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop her teasing you” Taehyung chortles and you wince slightly, your skin suddenly feeling very flushed.

“Hey! It’s started!” Someone calls out, pointing up at the sky. All your attention is drawn towards the sky and this time, your breath is taken away by the beautiful display of sparks lighting up the sky. The intense kaleidoscopic display fills up the entire night sky, loud booms and high whistling filling the night air as they continuously go off. Hues of every shade fill your vision, blues, greens, oranges, reds, golds and so many more and you completely lose yourself in this sight of it all.

“____, look! It’s so beautiful! Hey, that one was purple and yellow, those are our favourite colours!” Taehyung says, bouncing with delight. Your face softens slightly. No matter how old he got, Taehyung never lost his childlike innocence and playfulness. You feel his giddiness course through your veins and it only causes your heart to flutter more. You try and focus on the lights, aweing and oohing along with everyone else. But then, Taehyung wraps his arms tighter around your body, pulling you closer into his embrace and briefly you feel him nuzzle his nose in your hair; breathing in your scent, but you’re positiveyou’ve made it up. And  then, he says something that has you breaking out of your stupor.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else” Taehyung whispers into your hair and you snap your head to face him, almost giving yourself whiplash. However, when you come face to face with him, his attention is already back on the sky. But now, your attention is solely focused on him.

His skin glows in the dim amber flames of the bonfire, and every now the flashes of the fireworks illume him even more. For the second time in your life, you’re completely floored by how trulybeautifulKim Taehyung is. Once again, your heart aches but this time you know exactly how you feel. Because for an entire year now you’ve questioned whether your feelings were completely platonic. And now, in this very moment, with the prismatic explosion of colour in the background, you sincerely understand the depth of the emotions you feel for your best friend. Taehyung is all the things you feel when fireworks illuminate the sky.

You finally realise, that you are completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Kim Taehyung.

{End of Flashback}

After that day, your relationship with Taehyung had somewhat changed. Not on his end obviously, but more on yours. Every time he did something sweet, your heart would cinch. Every compliment, every flirtatious comment, every term of endearment, drove you wild. There were times you wanted to scream and run, there were times when you wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless, confessing your love for him. But instead, you kept everything bottled up and loved him from far.

There is very little you wouldn’t give to go back in time to that very moment and yell at yourself to not do it. To not fall in love with him. Taehyung had never had a relationship. He was always a lone fuckboy who spent more time running from commitment than he did between girls’ legs. Which, considering just howmany people he’d bedded, was a lotof time running from commitment. There was a time, when Taehyung was a hopeless romantic. A time when he dreamt about meeting the one and falling in love. A time when he spent dreaming about a marriage, children and a white picket fence. That had all changed when his parents had split up and his entire world had crashed around him, leaving a disillusioned boy with major commitment and trust issues.

Taehyung never being in a relationship had made life so much easier for you. Sure, you had to deal with him sleeping around, but you never had to deal with him being in love or seeing someone else. For a very long time, the only constant female in Taehyung’s life was you. Secretly, you had loved it because it meant, that in a weird twisted way, Taehyung was yours and only yours. The girl he ran to with problems, the girl he took on ‘dates’, the girl he spent valentines with. Every important moment was spent with you. You were the one he always ran to at the end of the day and you had loved it, cherished it. Held it close to your heart.

But nothing lasted forever. Everything was fleeting and a couple years after falling in love with him, you soon realised that Taehyung’s solo career was also temporary.

{Flashback November 2017}

You sit on the sofa, casually flicking through the different films and series on Netflix, looking for something, anythingto watch and cure your boredom as you slurp on ramen aka your very nutritious and filling dinner for the night. Note your sarcasm. But, it’s what student life was like and you were entirely too poor to complain about it. You’re in your shared flat with Jimin and Taehyung but both boys have made themselves scarce. Jimin had left for dance practice twenty minutes ago and Taehyung had been out the entire day.

Deadline season was quickly approaching, which meant that Taehyung had become desperate to find a model for his photography project, especially after putting off the assignment for a month. You had offered and he’d almost taken you up on your offer, until someone finally responded to his flyer. He had quickly apologised for almost ‘forcing’ you into working with him, kissed your forehead and had then run out. A part of you had felt dejected but you quickly brushed those feelings off. And now here you were, all by your lonesome, scrolling endlessly through Netflix. Ten minutes later, you’re ready to give up and head to bed, when the door bursts open and Taehyung enters.

You regard him with weariness, wondering why he looks so happy. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pulled into a wide smile. His shoulders are shaking, he’s giddy, and full of that childlike exuberance you love so much and despite yourself, somehow, he manages to cause you to fall in love all over again. A feat you thought completely impossible. And yet, there he was proving you wrong all over again. He walks up to you and throws himself on the sofa next to you. You raise an eyebrow at him and briefly wonder why he’s so happy.

“The best thing happened to me. I think I’m cured” Taehyung says cheerily and now you’re definitely intrigued. What could have happened in the few hours that he was gone to get him so happy? You hadn’t ever seen him like this, at least, not since the divorce.

“I take it, your photography project went well? Got all the shots you needed?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically, but you sense it’s more than that.

“Oh, what is it? Why are you so excited? And cured of what?” You ask, but now, looking back, you wished you had left. You wished you had gone to bed earlier. You wished you had been his model because nothingcould have prepared you for the words that spilled out his mouth next.

“It went more than well. There’s a girl in our Art History class, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her, but her name is Choi Hyorin. She’s the one that answered my ad” Taehyung begins and dread begins pooling in your stomach. You want to wave it off because Taehyung’s always been surrounded by girls, but they’ve never lasted more than a one-night stand. You want to think that the dread is because he’s about to go into detail about his little rendezvous but deep down, you know it’s more than that.

“I think I’ve heard of her; she’s the one with the small face, big eyes and long black hair, right?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically.

“Yes! So, we did a few shots, and I don’t know how I never noticed how cute she was. We spent the entire day going around looking for the best place to take the photos. We went to parks, graffitied buildings, rooftops. Anywhere with aesthetic shots and I shit you not, everypicture was beautiful. And she’sso beautiful, not to mention funny and oh my gods, ____, we have the exact same interests! I’ve never met anyone like her, we just clickedand never once did I even think of fucking and ditching her. We click on so many things, she loves blues, RnB and jazz, her favourite artist is Van Gogh and she loves H.E.R. as well. I loved spending every moment with her and we’re even meeting again in a couple days to head to that jazz night in the karaoke bar” Taehyung gushes and rants and each and every word is like a dagger to your quickly plummeting heart. You feel like your entire world is falling apart and you want nothing more than to run into your room and cocoon yourself in your sheets and never come out again, but Taehyung continues ranting and raving about how amazing she was and how she has the cutest laugh, and the way her eyes sparkle in the setting sun and the way she feels against him. He goes on and on for what feels like hours and you can do nothing more than smile and nod, despite how much your heart is breaking; because you are nothingbut his best friend and it’s your job to listen to him.

He doesn’t know what you feel for him.

He doesn’t know how much he owns your heart.

He doesn’t know that his next words break that very same heart.

“____, I’m telling you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I… I honestly believe she’s the one. I think she’s the girl of my dreams. I know I’ve sworn of love and relationships because of my parents… but I think she’s the girl to heal those wounds. I think, if it’s her, I can truly love again. Am I crazy?” Taehyung asks, looking at you in wide eyed wonder and you take in a shuddering deep breath. You bottle all your feelings for him and give him your best, brightest smile despite how much it feels like an elephant has stomped all over your chest and you hug him.

“Of course, not Taehyung. If you honestly feel like that, then I’m sure you’re not crazy. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy” You choke out, internally cheering at how level your voice is. Despite everything, you’re not lying. You areglad he’s found someone. Because even if you were in love with him, at the end of the day, you were his best friend.

And Taehyung’s happiness always comes first.

{End of flashback}

The giggle you heard before once again fills the room and you sink further into your seat. You try hard to block out Hyorin’s giggles, especially since she’s the reason you’re trying to focus on the dreaded lecture notes but it’s hard to do so, especially when it’s followed by Taehyung’s deep chuckles. It’s been fifteen months since Hyorin and Taehyung became a couple. Fifteen whole months of nothing but heartbreak, fake smiles and unrequited love. You had tried so very hard to get over Taehyung, you had dated, fallen into your own trysts of one-night stands, hell you even tried Tinder in a desperate attempt. But no one had ever compared to Taehyung. None of them were as exciting or stole your breath like he did. And so, after ten months, you had given up all hope of ever moving on and instead accepted your condemned fate of forever being in love with your best friend.

However, it had become slightly easier. Despite the tumultuous love you felt for Taehyung, it had become easier. But not because you were accepting of his love for Hyorin. It had become easier because ever since they had gotten together, you and Taehyung had become distant. You had once been the only constant female in Taehyung’s life, but that had changed when he and Hyorin became exclusive. Suddenly, that position was no longer reserved for you, but for her.

Now he spent valentine’s day with her, he took her on dates, he bought her meaningful Christmas gifts, spent his birthday with her and only her. She was the girl he now ran to and the girl who dealt with his problems. It hadn’t started out like that, he had made a lot of time for you. Promised things would never change and that you’d always be the number one girl in his life. But that was the thing about relationships. When a new person was added, it always changed. There was no way it couldn’t. He had tried. He really had and you couldn’t fault him for it. Because he hadtried to balance you both, but at the end of the day, she always took precedence and slowly, you began drifting.

He spent less time with you, and spent more time with her. He spent less time speaking and texting you, and spent more time texting and speaking to her. And now, he spent more time at her apartment than he spent in the home he shared with you and Jimin. You lived with Taehyung and yet the most you’d seen him was in your shared Art History class. And yet, you couldn’t fault him for anything because she’s the one. You watch as he throws his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to him. You see the way he smiles at her, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration. You see it all.

Taehyung is completely, utterly and irrevocably in love.

But not with you.

“Gods, are you okay, ____? You look a right mess” Jimin says as he enters your room and you glare at him.

“I’m fine Jimin, what do you want?” You ask and Jimin shrugs, entering your room and sitting on your bed. Ever since you moved in with him and Taehyung, you and Jimin had grown a lot closer. Sure, your friendship never matched the one you had with Taehyung, but you were close nevertheless.

“Nothing really, Taehyung is out with Hyorin and I’m bored. That’s like the fifth time this month he’s ditched me for her” Jimin pouts and you wince slightly because the last thing you want right now, especially since Taehyung hadn’t even madeplans with you for over three weeks.

You quieten down and become maudlin. Distance with Taehyung is something you have become awfully familiar with. Something you never thought you’d have to become familiar with. But you’re feeling particularly morose today and you’re plunged into the ‘what ifs’. What if you had confessed to Taehyung, what if youhad modelled for his art project instead of Hyorin. What if you had never met him?These are the thoughts that fill your head currently. What ifs are dangerous territory and your thoughts only serve in causing you to sink further into heartbreak. You miss Taehyung. You miss the friendship dates, you miss visits to cafes and museums, you miss his stupid pickup lines and flirtatious comments. But most of all, you miss him. You miss your best friend more than anything.

“You look like you’re about to cry” Jimin says, breaking you out of your thoughts and you suck in a sharp breath, blinking away the tears in your eyes. When had you even began welling up?

“Should I call Taehyung?” Jimin asks and you quickly shake your head, curling your fists around your sheets are you tried to get your emotions back in check.

“Please don’t” You whisper and Jimin hums in thought.

“Because he’s the reason you’re crying?” Jimin asks and you snap your head towards him. Your breath hitches in fear as you stare at him in wide eyed panic but Jimin just shrugs nonchalantly, sending you a knowing look.

“Please, I know how you feel about him. Everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, the entire campus knows it. The only person who doesn’t is Taehyung” Jimin says and you let out a choked sound, trying to find the words to deny his claims.

“Please don’t try and deny it. Don’t insult my intelligence like that. Everyone knows.And yes, that everyone includes Hyorin” Jimin replies and your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” You ask and Jimin lets out a bemused chuckle.

“Why do you think you and Taehyung have barely been spending time together? She knew and she was jealous. She knew you loved him and she knew that Taehyung and your friendship was something special. So, she tried to monopolise his time as much as possible. And surprise, surprise it worked. There were times he wanted to hang out with you, but she asked him on those days and he said yes. It only worked because you were so willing to let him go. Because at some point, you stopped fighting her for his time and attention” Jimin said and you stammer, unsure of what to make of things.

“Y-You mean he chose her? Over me? As in, there were days when he wanted to spend time with me, but chose to spend time with her instead?” You ask, fearing his answer.

“I guess you could see it like that yeah” Jimin says and despair fills your ever fibre. You had always assumed that Taehyung’s distance had been because he was consumed by Hyorin. You had never once thought that Taehyung if given the option to spend time with you, Taehyung would still choose her. Mainly because you thought you meant more to him than that. You let out a small sob, tears welling in your eyes and Jimin looks at you sadly.

“I’m sorry ____. But I have watched you be in love with my idiot of a best friend for years. And he was too stupid to realise he loved you too” Jimin says sadly and you snort,  looking at him in cynicism.

“Oh yeah, Taehyung in love with me. Please Jimin, next joke” You sneer out and Jimin lets out a humourless laugh.

“Please. He did. I know he did. Every time you’d sleep with someone, or date someone, he’d get angry and overprotective. There were times when he even threatened guys to stay away from you. You don’t do that for justa best friend. He loved you. He loves you. He’s just too much of an idiot to see it but when he and Hyorin break up, he’ll realise how much he loves you and what he lost. Trust me” Jimin says and you shake your head, sneering once again.

“Please don’t lie to me Jimin, he never loved me and never could. I’m not her” You reply, your tone full of defeat and Jimin lets out a shriek of frustration.

“Stop that! I know Taehyung. I know him better than anyone and that may not include you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. I have watched you idiots be in love with each other for so long. But Hyorin comes and Taehyung being theidiothe is decides to think with his dick and convince himself he’s in love with her when he’s not. I have watched you love him this entire time, I have watched him break your heart. I have watched him slowly destroy you and turn you into the shell of a person you once were. And I’m tired. I love him but I’m sorry to say that your love is wasted on him. He doesn’t deserve it. You are a beautiful, vibrant girl. A girl whose love is better spent on someone else. It’s time you moved on” Jimin rants and you scoff at him.

“Easy for you to say that. I’ve tried that and it didn’t work” You sneer and Jimin shakes his head. He get up and heads to your closet; you watch in confusion as he pulls out an outfit and lays it on your bed.

“Well you’re going to try again. Get up and shower, we’re going out. I’m not going to sit by and watch you slowly break apart anymore. I care about you too much for that” Jimin says and you let out a small sigh.

“Jimin it’s not going to work. I’ve tried the getting under someone else approach” You say and he looks at you in annoyance.

“Well you’re going to try harder. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get up and shower. Now” Jimin’s tone is final and you know him well enough to know that you’re not winning this battle. So, you let out a small groan and grab the clothes he’d laid out, grumbling to yourself as you pop into the shower.

“Cheers!” Jimin says, clinking his shot glass against yours before you wrap your lips around the rim and down it in one go. You wince slightly at the taste of tequila searing down your throat before shaking your head. You were already four shots deep and the alcohol was blurring your mind, the haze surrounding you and making you feel happier and lighter than you had in a while. You still have your wits about you and you’re nowhere close to being drunk but it’s enough to take off the nervous edge. The music was pounding in your ear drums and you could feel the bass vibrate through your entire body, your hips moving slowly to the rhythm despite yourself.

“Alright, let’s find you someone to go home with” Jimin says, the two of you turning around to scout the different guys.

“What about him?” You point out and Jimin shakes his head.

“That’s Jung Hoseok, he’s a year above me and in my dance classes. He’s seeing someone called Sooyun or something” Jimin says and you sigh before you continue looking around.

“How about him?” You ask pointing out another guy.

“Yoongi-hyung? No, he’s gay and probably dragged here by Hoseokie-hyung. Why do we know so many people who are here?” Jimin asks with a sigh and you giggle.

“Because this club is popular in our university. Hey, how about that guy?” You say, pointing out to someone else.

“Ah, Kim Yugyeom. He’s also in my dance class but he’s single and loves to sleep around. No strings attached and from what I’ve heard a good lay. Go for it” Jimin says and you smile brightly at him before looking swigging your next shot. You begin walking towards him and soon he spots you walking towards him. He gives you a wide grin and winks, and before you know it, you’re face to chest with the tall boy. Yugyeom immediately grips you by the waist and begins moving his hips, body rolling against you.

The way he moves is sinful and you throw caution to the wind. You close your eyes and grind against him, head thrown just under his shoulder as you move your ass against his hips. Yugyeom’s hands move to your hips and his fingertips grip onto them, fingers bruising. He swirls his hips particularly hard, pressing his crotch against your ass as his lips trail along your neck, pressing soft kisses against it. You let out a moan that gets lost in the noise of the club but Yugyeom feels the vibration. He spins you around, arm wrapping around your back as he continues grinding against you. His lips slowly begin descending on yours and just when they meet, you’re roughly pulled apart.

You turn around in shock and your eyes widen when you’re met face to face with a very angry Taehyung. He’s glaring at the slightly taller man before pushing Yugyeom off of you. You splutter, unsure what to say and frantically look around for Jimin but he’s nowhere to be seen. Taehyung grabs you by the wrist and begins pulling you out of the club. You try to break free but Taehyung turns around and glares at you and immediately you feel weak and dejected. You allow him to slowly drag him out of the club. He hails a taxi and puts you in before getting in on the other side. The entire drive is tense and you have so many questions. But instead, you sit in silence, stewing over the events. The more time passes and the more time you have to think about it, only serves to make you angry. You were so ready to move on and he just had to ruin it. Where did he even come from? Wasn’t he with Hyorin in the first place?

You soon reach your apartment building and the two of you get out. Taehyung walks ahead of you, stalking into the building, simply expecting you to follow him. You glare at his back in anger, stomping after him and with each step to your shared flat, your anger rises. Soon, you’re stood in front of your flat door, glaring daggers into Taehyung’s back as you seethe. If looks could kill, he’d be dead thrice over. He unlocks the door and opens it with a slam, beckoning you in with a look. You stomp inside throwing your purse onto the table before turning around and pointing at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Kim Taehyung?” You seethe, your voice barely above a whisper. The shots are taking more effect and you’re feeling bold enough to fight with him.

“Saving you. What the fuck were you doing there? I went out with some friends, I didn’t expect you to be there. Why were you dancing with Yugyeom? Do you not know he’s a fuckboy?” Taehyung asks and you scoff.

“Yes I did! I was tryingto fuck him! What is it to you?” You shriek and Taehyung sneers at you.

“That’s not who you are. You don’t just fuck around” Taehyung jeers and you have the irresistible urge to throttle him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. You used to do it all the fucking time. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to sleep around?” You throw back and Taehyung reels, his eyes turning into slits.

“Don’t you dare. It was different with me. You don’t get to sleep around” Taehyung says and your eyes widen, body shaking with rage.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. If I want to sleep with the next fifty guys I see, I damn well will. Who the fuck are you to tell me no?” You scream and Taehyung slams his fist on a table.

“I’m your best fucking friend! I can’t stand seeing you with others. Especially when they don’t fucking deserve you” Taehyung shouts and you sneer.

“Abest friend. Justa best friend Kim Taehyung. So news flash, that means you don’t get to decide who is good for me or not. I decide that. You being my best friend doesn’t mean you get to tell me who I fuck. And you can’t keep boys away from me forever. If I want to fuck Yugyeom I will. Hell, Jimin knows him. I could still ask him for Yugyeom’s number” You say with a mocking tone, daring him to challenge you.

“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. Not if I have any say in it” Taehyung says, stalking towards you, his eyes glinting in the low light.

“Well, you don’tfucking have a say in it. Now move out of my way” You say, and Taehyung growls at you.

“I said no. You’re not fucking Yugyeom” Taehyung grits out, teeth clenched.

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?” You scream and Taehyung pushes you up against the wall, his breathing heavy as he glares down at you.

“Because you’re fucking mine” Taehyung growls and you freeze in shock but you don’t have enough time to process his words because the next moments, his lips are locked against yours. Taehyung’s hands pinned yours against the wall his other hand wandering all over your body as he kissed you fervently. You moan in response, breaking out of his grasp as his other hand moves to hold your cheek, your own hands tangling into Taehyung’s hair and tugging on it, pulling him closer towards you.

This was wrong. You knew this was wrong, but Jimin’s previous words about Taehyung being in love with you and his possessiveness had given you a small inkling of hope; and with every kiss and soft moan, that small inkling was building into a raging fire. He tasted of soju and coffee, the taste almost intoxicating. You know that alcohol was most likely clouding both your judgement, and that Taehyung was very much in a relationship. But with every passing moment locked in his embrace, those doubts and warnings disappeared, leaving you with nothing but a racing heart and a stomach full of heat. You pressed your body against Taehyung’s, pressed your lips harder against his as you poured out all your feelings into the kiss.

Taehyung let out a soft growl before reaching behind your back and unzipping your dress. He let it fall to the ground, the dress pooling around your feet, leaving you in your semi-soaked panties and no bra. You attempted to kick off your heels but Taehyung growled his disagreement and you let out a small giggle. You jumped up slightly, Taehyung easily catching you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding your cloth-covered core against his own hardened cock. Taehyung let out a soft whine before he carried you towards your bedroom; your lips quickly breaking apart as he trailed kisses down your neck.

He tossed you onto the bed, before kneeling beside you. He stared down at you with intense dark eyes, eyes flitting over your body. You were flushed underneath him, your chest heaving as you breathed heavily, attempting to get your breathing under check. His eyes traced your body, from your collarbones, across your chest, groaning when your nipples hardened under his stare, forming twin peaks. He continued his perusal off your body, down your stomach and towards your hips and thighs. Your knees are slightly spread, giving him a hint of the arousal-soaked panties clinging to your core and leaving nothing to imagination. Taehyung licked his lips before he descended back down, picking your leg up.

He placed a small kiss on your ankle before trailing his lips up your leg, placing another kiss on your knee then your inner thigh. His lips trailed across your hips, his tongue tracing the bone before he kissed his way up to your belly button, circling and dipping hi wet appendage into it, causing you to arch your back and moan, begging him to stop teasing you. With every one of his ministrations, your heart ached. You briefly wondered if he fucked Hyorin like this, if we paid this much attention to her. You slightly shook your head, trying to push those damning thoughts out of your mind as you focused on Taehyung’s attention on your body.

Taehyung smirked against your skin. He continued up your body nuzzling the valley of your breasts and placing a tender kiss on your sternum. Continuing his worship of you, he brushed his lips against your collarbones, sucking on them slightly before running his nose up the length of your neck, placing soft kisses along your throat. Finally, he reached your lips, bending down and capturing your mouth once again with his. You gasped as one of his hands brushed up from your leg to grip your hip tightly. Taehyung used your gasp to his advantage, forcing his tongue into your mouth and massaging your own tongue with his. You moaned at the taste that was wholly him, pushing your lip even harder against his, trying to meld both of you into one being.

"Gods ____, you're so beautiful, " Taehyung whispered against your ear, biting the shell and tugging it slightly. Your heart plummets in your chest because it’s been sovery long since you’ve heard those words come out of his mouth and his tone is filled with so much emotion. Instead of responding you shake your head and pull him against you once more. If this was the only time, if this was your only chance with him, you didn’t want to waste it with meaningless words that would disappear when the sun rose and he returned to her.

“Stop talking Taehyung and just fuck me” You whisper, your tone pleading and filled with desperation as you stare into his lust filled eyes. Taehyung lets out a lazy boxy smile and you ignore the small lurch in your heart as he regards you with pure love. Once again, you wonder how many times Hyorin has seen this exact sight.

“Gladly Iris” Taehyung responds and you take in a shuddering breath, hoping it passes off for lust and not for the heartache you were really feeling. He bent his head forward and struck out his tongue, flicking your hardened nipple. You shuddered against his lips, this time with lust, causing him to smile before he pulled the nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth while sucking on it. His hand moved from your hip to your other breast, kneading the mound in his hands before pinching and pulling your nipple, you moaned at the slight pain and Taehyung let out a wicked grin against your breast before once again tugging harshly again on the sensitive nipple. His lips moaned against your other breast and you felt the vibrations rush through your nerves and straight to your core, making your wetter. You brought your hands up to his head, your nails scratching his scalp as you hissed at him in pleasure. Taehyung let go off your nipple with a pop before attaching onto the next one and resuming his actions.

"Taehyung please, more. I need more. I need your mouth on me" You groaned, arching your back.

“You’re such a sin, a beautiful sin that belongs to no one else but me” Taehyung whispers before kissing down your stomach. You spread your legs wider, causing him to grin as he took in the sight of the darkened material clinging to your slit. The smell of your arousal was so strong he was almost lost himself further into the intoxication of alcohol and your scent, the combination driving him crazy with need. His member leaked against his boxers, his trousers becoming entirely too tight.

He leaned forward, licking your covered slit, making you whimper in pleasure. Taehyung smirked before repeating himself over and over again, teasing you endlessly, until you were thrashing around, grinding your core against his face, lashing, gyrating, doing anything that would stop his hellish teasing and cause more friction. Taehyung finally relented sucking your panty covered clit into his mouth, you let out a strangled scream as your bundle of nerves were finally stimulated. You screamed his name as Taehyung repeatedly sucked and lashed at your clit with his tongue until you finally came. You let out another incoherent scream as your hips lifted of the bed. Taehyung attached himself to your clit again sucking and drawing out your orgasm as he watched your eyes roll back. Taehyung sat up as you came down from your high, grinning down at you wickedly.

“Did I just make you cum from having your panties licked?” Taehyung teased and you let out a small whine when he pressed his thumb against your covered slit, rubbing up and down and spreading your wetness even more. You were almost positive you could never wear these again, they were wellpassed ruin.

"Great, now my panties are completely soaked" You pouted and Taehyung let out a small giggle, kisses the corner of your mouth as he tried to push your pout away. Once again, your heart cinches and you almost turn away, trying to blink away the tears. He far too attentive, too soft and too loving. Every action is filled with love and adoration and it both drives you wild and making you want to break down into a fit of sobs, because you know that as soon as daylight strikes, he’ll be far gone from you.

"Just how I like them," He replied with a wicked grin, drawing you back from your impending breakdown. You push away the thoughts once again and your eyes darkened with lust as you watched him slowly strip above you. Long, dextrous fingers move smoothly as he unbuttons and divests himself off his shirt, leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of tanned skin. Your eyes trail over his wide shoulders, before tracing down his body, dark nipples hard in the cold of his room and soft belly with small rolls making your heart hurt. You always loved Taehyung’s soft belly, so completely different from most guys with hard abs. So completely him.

You need to stop these treacherous thoughts. You can’t fall more in love with him and you need to somehow distract yourself. So, you use what little strength you have and flip him over. Taehyung lets out a choked yelp of surprise and quickly moves to push you until you begin trailing down his body. You press small kisses against the waistband of his trousers. You slowly unbutton them before pulling them down his legs, along with his boxers. His cock spring up and you jerk backwards, eyes wide at the sheer size of it.

It's beautiful. Long and so very thick, something you definitely were not expecting. His cock is smooth and tan, perfectly veined and his purple cockhead is angry and weeping with precum. He leaks down his own tip and cock and your mouth waters at the sheer sight of it all. You smiled at the large member, licking your lips as you imagined the way it would fill your mouth and the way it’ll no doubt stretch your pussy later. You kissed the base before kissing up the length until you reached the tip, licking the leaking head and almost moaning at the salted, tangy taste of him on your lips. You’re addicted. You know you are.

You grabbed the middle of his shaft gently and rubbed the tip along your lips, almost as if applying lipstick. Taehyung groans as you pleasured his frenulum before letting out a shark breath of air as you sucked on the tip, the tongue flicking against the tip over and over again. You slowly took the head in until the cockhead was completely in your mouth and then you began sucking. Hard. Taehyung gasped out, his fingers twisting into your long hair and trying to push your further down. However, you held still, sucking on the tip as you swirled your tongue around the tip causing Taehyung to buck his hips.

"Fuck, ____" Taehyung hissed, and you smiled at the begging, pleading tone that occupies his voice. You decide to have some sort of mercy on him and begin taking the rest of his thick, long cock in your mouth. Your jaw aches and you’ve barely taken any of his cock and he’s already hitting the back of your throat, but you refuse to give up. Inch by inch, you continue swallowing him down your throat and when he hits your gag reflex to choke slightly and hold still. Tears pull in your eyes but you calm down, breath as much as you can through your nose before you swallow. Taehyung let’s out a choked groan, bucking slightly into you as slowly swallow him whole. You internally cheer victoriously when your nose hits against the wiry dark hair around his crotch, trimmed neatly.

"God yes, take that cock in," Taehyung moaned, holding your head as you gagged on his engorged dick. You started bobbing up and down, Taehyung helping as he thrust up and into your mouth, you smiled against his dick before moving one hand down to his balls, raking your long fingers along the tender flesh.

"Shit yes" Taehyung murmured in pleasure. While sucking on his dick, you ran your hot tongue along the base of his dick, right in the middle causing Taehyung to shudder and hiss once again as your teeth raked against the base all the way to his tip. Taehyung was elated from the feeling of your hot, warm and silky mouth around his dick. He felt the coil in his abdomen winding tighter and tighter as his orgasm approached.

"I'm coming baby, that's it. Yes! Make me cum" Taehyung groaned, bucking his hips erratically and fucking your mouth while you continued bobbing your head up and down, gagging every now and then. You felt his dick swell and let his cock go with a pop before sucking one of his balls into your mouth, Taehyung yelling in pleasure as your fist pumped his dick up and down.

"Cumming. Fuck I'm cumming. Fuck, sweetheart swallow my cum" Taehyung orders and you quickly released his balls from your mouth to wrap around the tip of his dick, taking it all in once again as his cum rushed out of his dick and down your throat. You moaned at the slightly salty taste of his cum, drinking it down as he continued to spill it into your throat while you continued lightly massaging his balls. Several pumps later, Taehyung was finally done and you came of his dick, licking your lips and grinning up at him. Taehyung stared at you through lidded eyes before beckoning you up.

"F-face. Sit on my face" Taehyung gasped out as he came down from his orgasm induced high. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear before crawling over him, not needing to be told twice. You swung one of your knees over his head being careful not to accidentally hit him until your legs were spread over his face, Taehyung stared at your folds, licking his lips at the completely soaked lips and your quivering pussy, almost dripping on his face.

"God are you always this wet? You tasted so sweet before, I wonder whether you taste better straight from that sweet, sweet cunt" Taehyung whispered against your pussy before tugging your slit into his mouth.

"Only for you Taehyung. Always for you" You confessed into the night, your voice low, before you bent backwards, placing one of your hands on his chest, the other moving up to play with your breasts. You didn’t think you were loud enough for him to hear you. But he does.

"You're damn right. No one else will ever see you like this. You're mine" Taehyung growled possessively against your slit, and you close your eyes, glad that he can’t see the pain etched onto your face. You stare up at the ceiling, blinking out the tears of despair, something you shouldn’t be doing when Taehyung is buried face deep between your legs. But you can’t control it. You swallow thickly and bite your lips.

“Just make me cum” You choke out, you want to walk away. But Taehyung is like a drug and instead you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into him. The small part of you wonders and hopes, that maybe after all this is done, maybe he may stay. Maybe Jimin was right and Taehyung really loved you, and was too blind to see it. Maybe you could show him, you were the one for him.

“Don’t worry Iris, you’ll be coming so many times you’ll be begging me to stop by the end of the night” Taehyung promises ominously from under your folds, swatting your ass as he did so.

He pointed his tongue and licked it up and down your slit, parting your folds slightly. You ground your hips, trying to get him to enter your as you rolled your nipples between your fingers. Taehyung moved his hands to hold your hips still as he continued teasing you. He pulled your folds into his mouth, teeth raking over the sensitive flesh causing you to shriek in pleasure and increase your efforts in moving your hips. Taehyung nuzzled your clit with his nose before parting your lips slightly and harshly licking a line from your core to your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves. You were dripping all over his face, your pussy quivering as your best friend worked his sinful magic with his tongue. He lapped at your clit over and over again causing before nibbling slowly on the bundle and you let out a small shriek as you begin cumming all over his tongue.

"Taehyung!" You screamed, Taehyung let go of your hips causing you to buck wildly into his mouth.

As you were coming down from your orgasm, he moved his hands and used his thumbs to spread your lips and stuck his tongue into your core, swirling his tongue before thrusting it in and out, tasting your sweet nectar as the thick juices coated his tongue. You tasted so sweet, almost like the forbidden nectar of the gods. He groaned against you, your pussy clamping around his tongue from your orgasm. Taehyung moved one of his hands to your clit, pinching and pulling on it as he tried to get your to cum again. You screamed as he tugged harshly on your little pearl, falling forward and gripping tightly onto the headboard.

“Stop, oh gods Taehyung please stop” You beg, but Taehyung just thrusts two fingers into you. You wince slightly at the stretch but begin losing yourself into your third, almost painful orgasm from your still sensitive quivering lips as Taehyung thrusts his fingers in wildly, angling them to hit your g-spot with each thrust.

“Beg” Taehyung demands and you fall forward, gripping onto the bed frame as you shake violently over him, thighs quaking on either side of his head. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you try to move away, but one of Taehyung’s hand grips you ass tightly, holding you near him.

“I said beg” Taehyung once against demands, lips vibrating and causing you to shriek in pleasure once again. He pinches your clit with his thumb and forefinger and its more than you can take.

“FUCK! Taehyung! Taehyung make me cum, please. Please I can’t. I need you to make me cum” You sob and Taehyung smirks against your folds at your words.

Taehyung moved his lips to your clit, thrusting his two fingers into your core with newfound energy, twisting and pumping them in. He felt the spongy tissue of your g-spot and grinned before biting down lightly on your clit as he rubbed your g-spot. You stilled above him, your knuckles white as you clenched the headboard. Then with a loud, incoherent scream you gushed all over his tongue, the pain of him biting your clit, the over sensitisation of your sex and pleasure of his fingers against your g-spot making your squirt all over his mouth. Taehyung groaned, moving his mouth over your lips and sucking them as you flooded his mouth. You breathed heavily before falling down and rolling off of him, being careful not to suffocate him with your dripping slit. Although Taehyung couldn't think of a better way to die. You hit your head on the pillow, chest heaving, breasts jiggling slightly as the waves of pleasure continued to rush through your body. Your body convulsed and you shut your thighs as tears dripped down your cheeks.

"We're not done yet baby" Taehyung said softly, brushing the matted hair out of your eyes, taking in the sight of you glistening from sweat and still in the aftershocks of your orgasm. His hands wandered up your knees and spread them before he crawled in between.

"I love you, so much" Taehyung whispers quietly and your heart races and soars at his admission. Hope once against ignites in your chest, especially when he kissed your forehead before slowly entering you. He rubs his cockhead against your entrance and slowly begins pushing in. You let out a small whimper when his sheer girth begins stretching you out. You wince, but lay still, letting him slowly fuck you open with his massive cock. When he’s finally buried deep inside you, you almost feel sick, he’s so deep he’s buried in your guts but you would have it no other way. You feel more connected to him than you ever have and you know after this, you’re completely ruined for anyone else. Taehyung moans in pleasure as your velvety walls wrapped around him.

"I love you too Taehyung. Always. It’s always been you" You confessed back, a tear slipping down your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Taehyung buried his face into the crook between your throat and collarbones, breathing in your scent, eyes rolling back as your pussy clamped around him and then he begins thrusting. He slowly pulls out, whining when he feels your walls grip around each and every inch before thrusting all the way back in.

"Harder Taehyung, give it to me" You begged, Taehyung smirking as he began to thrust harder and faster. You screamed his name as he moved his arms so they were on either side of your head, bracing all his weight on them. He moved his head so that it was on top of yours, watching as you looked up at him, through half lidded eyes, your face contorted in pleasure as he thrust his cock into your, his pelvic bone brushing against your clit with every thrust.

"I'm going to cum again Taehyung" You whispered hoarsely, throat dry and strained from all your screaming. Taehyung lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper into you. You hissed in pain; you didn’t think it was possible for him to go any deeper and yet there he was. Your legs were spread wide and he was thrusting so hard and deep that there were hints of pain entangled with the pleasure but you could do nothing except just lay and take it.

"Cum around my cock baby" Taehyung urged, speeding up his thrusts before angling them so he hit your g-spot with every plunge of his cock.

"Fuck" You hissed, arching your back as you came. Taehyung latched onto your breast, sucking and teasing your nipple as you milked his cock. Taehyung flipped you over so you were on top of him, dick still buried deep in your pussy. He placed his hands behind his head, watching your breasts sway as you breathed, completely entranced by the way them moved with every breath.

"Ride me babe" Taehyung urged, you moving your hips slowly, grinding lazily against his dick as you lacked enough energy to do anything else. After a few minutes of the slow pace Taehyung grew impatient and moved his hands to your hips. He lifted you up before pulling your down as he thrust up, plunging his dick as deep as he could. You let out a small yelp as he continued his harsh thrusting. You could feel your orgasm approaching fast, your sensitive walls rubbing against Taehyung' dick, the friction almost too much. The sound of sweaty skin slapping filled the bedroom along with your soft whines and Taehyung’s deep, raspy breaths.

"Are you cumming again baby?" Taehyung questioned as your face twisted, your eyelids closing completely as you threw your head back in pleasure. You fell down, your palms on the bed on either side of his head as you struggled to stay up.

"Yes! I'm cumming again" You moaned, Taehyung smiling as he moved one hand to play with your clit roughly before lifting his neck and suckling on the breast that was dangling in front of his face. His other hand manipulated your hips so that you continued moving. You convulsed on top of him again, your voice cracking as you groaned out his name. Taehyung, however wasn’t finished yet. You hoped to the gods above that he was close because you were running out of fumes at this point. No wonder he had a reputation, his stamina was almost unmatched. Taehyung turned you over so you were on your knees. Even he could tell you were nearing your end, both from your heavy breathing and the way your head was resting against the pillow, your ass sticking up into the air. Taehyung grabbed your hips and entered again, you letting out a soft moan, both in pain and pleasure as your swollen pussy gripped and rippled against him uncontrollably.

"Taehyung… last one?" You gasped out, letting him know that you couldn't go on after this.

"Yeah baby, don't worry this is the last I promise" Taehyung said as he began to thrust into you quickly. You weren’t expecting it and with how wet both you and he were, he slid in so easily that he immediately hit the back of your cervix. You let out a small scream as he began a brutal, punishing pace.

Taehyung reached down and grabbed your hair, pulling your head up causing your back to arch downwards as he continued to thrust into you. He watched your fleshy ass bounce and shake as he thrust into you. He moved his other hand across your back before smacking your ass. You screamed out his name, your walls clamping around his cock causing him to groan at the feeling. Taehyung smirked before he spanked your again. He increased the speed of his thrusts, spanking your ass until it was deep red, you bucking your hips in both pain and pleasure. Taehyung kept his grip on your hair, pulling it as he continued to spank you. He felt his orgasm approaching and knew he wouldn't last long. He let go of your hair before bending over you, the speed of his thrusts decreasing, instead plunging into you with long powerful strokes. He moved his hand to between your thighs, rubbing your clit. You let out a shriek as he thrust in particularly deep. One of his hands moved to rub against your stomach and he groaned low into your ear.

“I’m going to cum soon baby. I’m going to cum and fill this belly with all my cum and you’re going to take it aren’t you? Like my good little cum dump, you’re going to let me breed you. Aren’t you baby?” Taehyung asked, his huge hands splayed across your lower belly as his thumb continued brushing against your clit. His words caused your cunt to grip around him once again as you imagined the feeling of him shooting his cum so deep within you.

“Yes, god yes Taehyung fill me up. I want nothing more” You plead and Taehyung chuckles against your ear.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. I’m going to fill you up so good and watch that pretty little pussy drip with my cum” Taehyung promises before he resumes his brutal pace, pinching and rubbing your clit in hard circles. You stilled once again before you arched off the bed, your whole-body shuddering as you squirted once again, all over Taehyung' dick. Taehyung felt your gush around him and couldn't help himself, the speed and power of his thrusts increased, going as fast as he can while you continued to gush.

"Please! Taehyung please cum in me! I can't take it anymore! Please cum in me! Please just cum" You sob, your voice strained and raspy as you plead. Taehyung presses his chest against hard against your back and thrusts in deep, hitting your cervix once again before cumming in you. His palms grip your hips harshly as he pulls you to him, trying to get in as deep as he can go. He lets out a strained roar as he begins filling you up. His cock spurts out his seed, coating your walls in his cum and filling you up completely. He stays in you for the duration of his orgasm, his dick pulsing and twitching as he rides of the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he’s finally finished, Taehyung pulls out his flaccid dick before falling onto the bed, completely spent. You moaned at the feeling of Taehyung' cum dripping out of your before you rolled onto your side, pressed up against his sweaty body.

A small part of you wants to speak about what just happened, but you’re far too exhausted to care at this point so instead, you give into your heavy lids and allow sleep to take you. Taehyung is right next to you as you fall asleep, completely spent and equally passed out. However, your last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is how much you’re dreading what will happen when the sun cums up and the alcohol is out both your systems.

“Oh fuck. Oh, fucking fuck” You hear a voice and you’re immediately roused from sleep. You groan and open your eyes, hissing slightly at the bright light. You sit up and immediately regret your decision as every single one of your muscles protests the movement. You feel stickiness between your legs along with the ache and soreness and immediately you’re wide awake. Last night’s memories come crashing down and you snap your head to the panicking boy, who’s staring at you with horror and regret.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Taehyung rages and you wince at his loud voice. You knewthe alcohol had clouded your judgement and now you were paying the consequences. Of course, it wasn’t all your fault. Taehyung had equally, if not, more of the blame considering he started it from what you recalled. But you were still hoping for something, anythingespecially after his confession last night.

“Well we obviously fucked. Do you not remember?” You ask and Taehyung growls and your heartbeat increases as you remember how he growled at you last night.

“Obviously I fucking remember. God, ____ this is such a mess, what am I going to do?” Taehyung asks and you wonder what he means.

“What do you mean?” You ask stupidly and Taehyung send you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“About Hyorin, ____? What am I supposed to do about Hyorin?” Taehyung asks and you wince.

“Well, you’re going to tell her and break up with her, aren’t you?” You ask and Taehyung scoffs, looking at you as if you had two heads.

“Why would I break up with her? I love her! She can’t know this happened. You can’t tell her. This has to stay between us” Taehyung pleads and you stiffen. Your blood runs cold and you can do nothing but look at him in a completely new light. What did he mean he loved her? Didn’t he confess his love for you yesterday? Was it all just a lie? You can feel the tears well up in your eyes as your heartbreaks for the countless time, all because of Taehyung.

“You… Taehyung how am I supposed to keep this between us? You cheated on your girlfriend. With me. How am I supposed to act as if nothing has changed?” You ask and Taehyung sighs.

“___, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. I love Hyorin. She’s the one I want to marry” Taehyung says and your heart immediately plummets in your chest and suddenly it feels like your chest is caving in and it hurts.Your heart hurtsso much that it’s hard to breathe.

“Mean- Meaningless sex? Taehyung, you told me you loved me” You reply with a broken, almost emotionless voice as your brain tries to comprehend his words.

“I didn’t mean it. At least not in that sense. ____, I’m sorry but last night was a mistake. We were both drinking and we didn’t make the right decisions. I don’t love you. Last night meant nothing” Taehyung says and your worst fears are confirmed.

“But Taehyung, it meant something to me.I love you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you. I loveyou” You heartbrokenly confess and Taehyung lets out a deep sigh.

“I know” Taehyung whispers and your head snaps to him, staring at him with bewilderment and fear.

“What? What did you say? You knew? How did you know?” You ask, your voice louder than before. This could not be happening. Within the space of a few words your life was slowly falling apart.

“I knew. At least, I had an idea. Hyorin told me. I didn’t believe her at first but she was convinced and worried about how I would leave her for you. It’s why we haven’t been spending as much time together. I didn’t want to lead you on and… I love Hyorin” Taehyung confesses and despite how much you want to break down and cry, you grit your teeth.

“Excuse me? Did you… did you just admit that you chose Hyorin over me? Because she was fucking worried about me taking you away from her? And you agreed? I was your best fucking friend Taehyung. Despite how long I have loved you, I have never once stood in the way of your happiness and I would never, neverjeopardise your relationship. How could you? I thought you knew me better than that” You seethe, your voice full of dismay and disbelief.

“Yes, well last night definitely jeopardised my relationship, don’t you think” Taehyung sneers and you find yourself reeling.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking put this all on me. I wasn’t even looking to sleep with you yesterday. You, you fucking did this. I was happily going to go home with Yugyeom until you pulled me away. You have just as much blame in this as me” You fume, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Fuck. Okay listen, last night never fucking happened. I’m sorry. I know you love me, but I don’t… I can’tlove you like that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I hope somehow, we can recover from this. But last night was a mistake. I love Hyorin, I’m so fucking in love with her. Last night may have given you hope, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of my words and I’m so sorry but I regret it all. I don’t want to hurt you, but… I could never love you the way I love her” Taehyung confesses and the last word ring loudly in your head over and over again.

‘I could never love you the way I love her’.

Ten words. Ten whole words strung together with so much meaning. You could never comprehend how much words could rip your life apart. That was until today. Suddenly, you felt completely numb and the ache in your heart simply grows larger and stronger until it is all you can feel. Taehyung is still rambling, but you hear none of it. Instead, all you can hear are those ten words ringing deep in your mind. You need to leave. You need to somehow get out of here or make him leave. You need something, you need space. But most importantly you need him gone.

“Get out” You whisper and Taehyung stops mid rant, looking at you in panic and wide eyed. He notices the blank expression on your face and immediately walks towards you, trying to comfort you. But when his touch once used to soothe the demons in your soul, his touch now simply burns and you can’t help but cowering away. Taehyung’s jerks his hand back, looking at you in fear. You had never once shrunk away from him but here you were, staring at him with an expressionless face and cowering from him and suddenly, he felt as if he were the worst person on this planet. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Iris, I’m sorry” Taehyung begins, but you cut him off with a scoff, blinking away the hot tears.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your Iris, I’m not your anything. Please just leave” You say and your words burn into Taehyung’s being. His eyes are wide and suddenly he wants to cry beside you.

“No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that. You’re my Iris, my best friend. ____ please, please don’t run away from me” Taehyung pleads, he wants to reach out and touch you but he knows it’s the last thing you want. You notice your state of undress and suddenly you feel sick and dirty and all you want to do is shower and remove the scent and feel of him off of your skin. You pick up your sheets and cling them tightly to you, as if they are your last line of defence.

“No. No I’m not. Not anymore. I can’t be your best friend anymore, I can’t be your Iris. I don’t think you understand Taehyung. I have been in love with you for six years now. You have owned every inch of my heart for six years and I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted and completely drained. I’m tired of you breaking my heart. I thought… I thought I could deal with it, but after yesterday after your words today, I can’t. I love you, but I love myself more. And I need you gone, out of my room and out of my life. Please” You plead and Taehyung feels a sharp pain in his chest at the completely exhaustion and defeat in your voice and the way tears simply fall from your eyes. But you don’t notice them, instead you’re simply staring blankly at him. Except you’re not looking at him, but through him. It’s as if you can’t see him, that he’s completely removed from your life.

“I… I’ll go. But I’m not leaving your life. I’ll leave your room but please. You’re my best friend, I need you. Please don’t leave me” Taehyung pleads but you don’t respond. You’re too tired to respond, so you choose to not say anything. You vaguely register him gathering his clothes before walking towards your bedroom door.

“I need to go see Hyorin… but this conversation isn’t over. I don’t want to lose you” Taehyung says, conviction in his voice and then he leaves. He disappears through the door and it may not seem like it for him, but for you, that’s your final goodbye. By the time you respond, he’s long gone and far from ear shot and your words fall on deaf ears in the silence of your bedroom.

“You’ve already lost me”

In a way, you think you’re lucky that whatever happened, happened at the time it did. You had slept with Taehyung a few days before your university broke up for the holidays. But considering it had happened during the second term, it also meant that you were officially done with classes and all that was left was for you to sit your exams and then graduate. Which consequently meant, that if you played it right, you’d never have to see Taehyung ever again. The decision was hard to make. But as you sat in the quiet of your room, the day Taehyung had walked out after your one-night stand; you decided that you were too tired, too drained to continue loving him. Especially when it was unrequited.

So, you used your newfound heartache and directed it to something productive. You pushed Taehyung and your feelings as far out of your mind as you could and instead you directed all your energy into revising for your finals. You barely spent any time in your apartment, instead choosing to practically live in the library. The only time you were home was to shower and catch some quick sleep but then you were gone. Before anyone noticed you were home. Before Taehyung could find you. You spent the past few months doing nothing but revising and studied and it had all paid off. You had just finished your final exam and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

But now that you were done with your exams, you had nothing else to focus on. You had nothing else to run to in order to distract you from your woeful unrequited love. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t run away. You thanked your lucky star that Taehyung’s art and photography exam was about to start, just as you finished, which meant that the house was most likely empty unless Jimin was home. Subsequently, that also meant you had a couple of hours to pack up all your things and move out before anyone could stop you. Sure, you’d have to be back in a few months for the graduation ceremony and then once again to complete your Masters, but for now it was enough time to begin getting over Taehyung. To put even more distance between the two of you. A vacation was exactly what you needed.

You quickly rushed back to your apartment, letting out a breath of relief when you found the home empty. You quickly gathered some boxes and your suitcases, packing everything as quick as you could. Mainly the essentials; you figured you could get the rest of it some other time. Or even have Jimin send them to you. A couple hours later you had packed everything you’d need for a long vacation away and the rest of the stuff were in boxes for you to collect when you were ready. Your flight was booked, even if it had decimated the entirety of your bank account but you figured you could find a job at Jeju Island to get you by. Plus, you had some savings that you could make use of for a few weeks. You grabbed your suitcase and opened your bedroom door but only came face to chest with someone. You steeled yourself and looked up before letting out a shriek of relief.

“Fucking hell! Park Jimin, don’t you ever scare me like that again!” You scream, smacking him in the middle of the chest. Jimin however doesn’t move, instead he’s looking at you with a sad smile.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?” He asks quietly and you feel the pang of guilt in your chest. Jimin was a good man. And an even better friend. He had tried to help you and while you may have not been as close to him as you had been with Taehyung; he was still a friend you cherished. And you’d miss him. You knew you would.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take any chances” You say apologetically and Jimin nods before entering. He looks around at the empty room littered with boxes before sitting down on your completely stripped bed.

“I never realised how big and empty this room could be. It looks… dead without all your stuff” Jimin says quietly and you bite your lip, unsure what to say. You need to get out as soon as possible or risk Taehyung coming back and catching you. You assume Jimin notices your shiftiness and restlessness because he lets out a small, humourless chuckle.

“He’s not going to be back for a while don’t worry. He’s out with Hyorin” Jimin says and he spits her name with so much venom that even youwince.

“Jimin… I’m sorry” You whisper and Jimin shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with rage before he explodes.

“No! You’re not the one at fault! It’s Taehyung and that stupid bitch who’s turning him against all his friends. She’s manipulative. So, fucking manipulative and he doesn’t even see it. You know she stopped him from seeing me? I’m a bad influence apparently, just because I bring home a lot of women. It’s not as if he sleeps with them. God, I hate her and now you’re leaving because of her and him and I hate them even more” Jimin fumes and you put your bag down and approach him, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t say that. He’s your best friend and he’s going to need you. I need you to look out for him Jimin. Please, for me” You ask and Jimin shakes his head, fists clenched at his sides.

“No! I don’t want to! He’s pushed you away and he’s going to regret it so fucking much. I know you slept together and I know exactly what happened the next day. I heard it all. These walls are so fucking thin and I fucking heard how he confessed his love and I was so fucking happy. But then I heard what that idiotsaid the next day and how he said it and I know… I fucking knowhow much he broke your heart and he’s a fucking coward. He loves you. I fucking know he does but he’s so far up her ass he can’t even see it. But he’s going to fucking regret it. I know he is. Right now, he thinks he can still make it up with you despite it being three fucking months but he can’t. And now you’re leaving and he’s going to see just how much he fucked up and I’m glad. He’s such a fucking coward and I don’t fucking know who he is anymore.” Jimin seethes, mouth practically foaming in rage and you have no words to calm him down.

“I know. I know this all Jimin but I’m leaving and no matter what he’s done he’s still our best friend and he needs us. He needs youbecause I can’t be here for him anymore. I can’t do it without losing my sanity. But despite it all, I still fucking love him and it hurts. It hurts so much and I need to go away but I can’t if I know he’s alone. So please, Park Jimin, promise me you’ll look after him even if it’s from afar. I know him and I know he’ll try and run after me and he’ll look for me and feel so guilty he won’t be able to sleep or eat, but I needyou to look after him. Make sure he eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he doesn’t break down. I need you to do that for me, please” You beg, your tone laced with desperation and Jimin sighs before pulling you in for a hug.

“You are a beautiful human being and if there was one thing Taehyung got right, it was that no one deserves you. Not even him. But fine, for you, I’ll look after him. Just make sure you keep in touch? If not with him, with me. It doesn’t have to be often. Just every now and then drop me a text that lets me know you’re alright. Please” Jimin pleads and you nod against his chest, hugging him tighter to you.

“I promise. I have to go now, I’ve got a flight to catch. Take care of Taehyung and please take care of yourself” You say and Jimin nods from above your head.

“Take care of yourself too. And find someone else. Find someone better and fall in love again and make sure they love you back. You deserve that and so much more. So please, just find someone. Don’t close yourself to love” Jimin advises and you take his words to heart, silently promising yourself to move on and find someone worth your time. Someone who won’t break your heart.

“I promise. Now I really have to go or I’m going to miss my flight. Goodbye Jimin” You call out, waving bye before leaving. Jimin watches you walk out of the apartment once and for all and he can’t help but feel as if he’s lost a part of home. Even if you weren’t super close, he knew he’d miss coming home to you doing yoga, or returning to you watching the most random TV series on Netflix. Despite everything, you were still a piece of his home and now that you were gone, the house felt emptier than it should have.

You had once assumed you’d always be in love with Taehyung. But the longer you spend in Jeju, away from him and with his callous words still ringing in your mind, the easier you find it to slowly move on. Taehyung’s words hurt, but the more nights you spend awake at three am thinking about them, the more you realise it would probably never work. The more you realise all he did was take you for granted. You didn’t care that Taehyung didn’t love you back, at least not anymore. What bothered you so much was how he handled everything, the way he threw his words heartlessly, without any thought you how you felt. The more you thought back to your relationship, the more you realised that was often the case. Taehyung was one to speak first and think and apologise later. Of course, he had never meant it to be malicious and he couldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. But that didn’t mean it was excusable, especially when his words and tone were cruel enough to completely dismiss your feelings.

You sigh in fatigue before checking your phone; 1:18am it read and you curse Taehyung for another sleepless night. You were practically nocturnal at this point, staying up all night surrounded by thoughts of the entire Taehyung dilemma. You rubbed your face and got out of bed, deciding to take a walk down the beach pier. Not that anyone really used it so late at night bar a few stragglers. You quickly get dressed before leaving the safety of your Airbnb. You made your way down towards the beach, the walk almost second nature to you. You had found a job working at the pier; considering it was summer it meant that the place was packed with tourists and businesses were more than happy for the extra help.

You walk along the pier, looking at the various arcades, all shut and completely dark. It’s completely different to the usual scene you’re met when you work nights, with bright prismatic lights illuminating the pier from the various attractions. But then again, it’s nearing 4am so why would they be on or even open currently. You’re about to turn back when a very familiar noise draws your attention. It’s the arcade-restaurant you work at and for some reason, the lights of the games are all flashing and on. The sight is particularly peculiar considering the rest of the pier is completely dead and silent. Curiosity wins you over and you decide to investigate.

You enter the arcade and come face to side with a boy who looks roughly the same age as you. He’s giggling to himself as he plays the first-person shooter game, drawing up more points than you’ve ever seen. You assume he’s going for the record and can’t help but think that with his skills, he definitely will break it. He’s got dark chocolate hair that falls into his eyes softly and wide, round almond almost doe like eyes. His ears are pierced multiple times, at least from the angle you see him at and he’s got soft pink, albeit slightly thin lips. His jaw is strong and defined and from the thin t-shirt you can tell his arms are completely muscular and packed with muscle. His chest looks well defined and his thighs even more so, the muscles bulging and rippling in his tight trousers. He giggles, his face scrunching adorably and he’s got the cutest, almost rabbit-esque smile and you wonder if it was possible to be enchanted by teeth.

All in all, he’s completely opposite to Taehyung.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know this place is closed” He says, looking at you with a slight mischievous look, his game awaiting him to place in some more tokens before he can continue. You raise an eyebrow and shrug.

“Of course, I do. I work in the restaurant in the day time. I was merely curious as to why the lights were on and why the music was playing. So, tell me, don’t youknow this place is closed? So technically, aren’t you breaking and entering?” You question and he laughs once again, the sound rings in your head and your brain goes blank. It’s a wonderful sound, soft and sweet, yet with a lower note to it that has you completely enthralled.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to break and enter into my own restaurant or arcade. Well technically, my dad owns it. But you catch me drift” He says with a wink and you roll your eyes; you approach him with less caution, watching as he inserts the token and resumes his game.

“Ah, the owner’s son. Why didn’tI guess that? So, you any good?” You ask and he throws you a lopsided grin.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the seventh-year reigning champion. I come down here every summer to just chill out and play games. Every record in the arcade belongs to me. All I have to do is beat myself each year to ensure I remain reigning champion” he boasts and you scoff at his misplaced sense of achievement. Then again, holding a record for seven years is definitely something impressive. Especially a record for every single game. You guess his sense of achievement isn’t so misplaced after all.

“So, what are you doing here? It’s unusual for women to be walking alone so late at night. Not that you shouldn’t. I’m sure you can defend yourself perfect and wait, not that you should haveto defend yourself but you knowsome people are pricks. You know what, I’m just going to shut up” he rambles and suddenly all his bravado is gone and you’re left with an adorably shy guy, his lips slightly pouting and his cheeks flushed.

“Cute” You whisper without meaning to and you quickly clamp your hands over your mouth, but he hears it and all he does is laugh.

“So, you think I’m cute?” He asks and giggling when you shake your head in panic.

“I could say the same about you. I’m Jungkook by the way. Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook introduces and you not to him.

“____. Kim ____. Nice to meet you Jungkook-ssi” You greet back and he sends you a bright smile, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“So, you wanna join? Perks of being the owner’s son is I get all the free, unlimited tokens I want” Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows and despite yourself, you let out a small snort.

“Of course, you do and sure why not, I have nothing better to be doing” You accept, taking him up on his offer and Jungkook immediately stops shooting, bringing a quick end to his game. The screen counts down before the dramatic ‘You Died’ screen pops up.

“I hope you feel special, I don’t just selfishly sacrifice myself for just anyone” Jungkook teases and you stick your tongue out at him.

“I didn’t askyou to do that, though did I?” You mock and Jungkook rolls his eyes before he enters some more tokens, this time for both of you.

“Is this how my kindness is repaid? With mockery? Oh, my poor wounded heart” Jungkook jests, a dramatic hand on his heart as he scrunches up his face in mock pain. You once again stick your tongue out at him before gesturing to the game.

“Oh, come on Bun Boy, let’s just play” You joke and Jungkook throws a fake affronted look.

“Bun Boy? Now you’re really going to get it Kim. I refuse to go easy on you” Jungkook threatens and you let out a small laugh.

“Alright, bring it on Jeon” You challenge and soon the two of you begin playing your game.

You spend the entire night laughing and playing various different arcade games before Jungkook offers you a walk on the beach just because. You talk about nothing and yet you talk about everything. Each conversation is completely meaningless and yet that in itself has meaning. You don’t tell him about Taehyung, you don’t tell him anything of true substance and yet by the end, you feel you know Jungkook almost as well as you know Taehyung and you feel he knows you just as well. You don’t think you’ve felt so carefree in years, it’s like all your problems have disappeared for a night. Jungkook is like a breath of fresh air, full of life and jokes and his slightly weirdtendencies have you cracking up, like the way he randomly screeches some inhumane noises, or how he randomly dances or twerks. Not once do you think of Kim Taehyung. There is not a single moment where he even crosses your mind. It’s early into the morning when you find yourself sitting on the beach with him, facing the sunrise.

Jungkook has long since crashed, his body curled up next to you, hair full of sand as he lets out small high-pitched snores. You however, still aren’t able to sleep. But not for any other reason than that for the first time in months, you’ve felt completely alive. It’s as if the one night with Jungkook has completely recharged your battery. You know longer feel restless or emotionally drained. All the small meaningless conversations with Jungkook puts everything into perspective. Everything passes. Everything goes. And you finally realise that Taehyung too will pass. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, smelling the refreshing salted air. You feel the warmth of the sun and you open your eyes, smiling at the amber lit sky, the colours of dawn painted across the sky.

You can’t help but feel as if this is a new beginning.

“Where is she?” Taehyung asks and Jimin simply rolls his eyes.

“Jimin please, you have to tell me. I have to find her! She’s been gone for weeks. I haveto find her” Taehyung pleads and Jimin scoffs at him.

“Why? Haven’t hurt her enough?” Jimin taunts and Taehyung flinches at the harsh tone of his best friend’s voice.

“I know. I know I made some mistakes, but I have to find her and make things right. Please… I can’t… I can’t lose her” Taehyung says dejectedly and Jimin’s ire once again rises.

“Fuck you Taehyung. Fuck you and your god damn role of playing the victim. It was youractions that forced her to run away. You were so fucking awful to her and don’t think I don’t fucking know” Jimin begins and Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly.

“Jimin-“ Taehyung tries to cut him off but Jimin shakes his head.

“No. No! You willfucking listen to me and only when I’m done will you speak” Jimin seethes and Taehyung immediately shuts up, knowing that Jimin is the last person you’d want to anger when already angry.

“I was there. I was fucking there when I watched you drag her away from Yugyeom and I thought, finally. Finally,he realises just exactly what he feels but just in case I followed you home and when I got here, I heardyou fuck her. I heardyou tell her you loved her and I heard her finally confess her love for you and once again I thought, finally. Maybe I won’t have to watch you slowly break that poor girl apart with your dumb one-night stands and then even more with your relationship with Hyorin. I thought that finally, ____ would get the happiness she deserves. I have watchedher be in love with you for almost as long as she’s known you. I have watched you break her apart with every one-night stand and then I watched her break apart every time, every single fucking timeyou ditched her for Hyorin. And you know what?” Jimin stop his tirade and takes in a deep breath before he continues.

“She never fucking complained. She just took all the hurt you dished out and she never once demanded anything from you. She nevercomplained and the gods know she was well within her fucking right to do so. Youabandoned her. You chose Hyorin, Hyorinof all people over her, the girl who has stood by your side no matter what, who has loved you unconditionally for as long as she’s known what love is. And you threwit all aside for Hyorin. And then how do you repay her? By sleeping with her and then trying to blame it all on her so that you can save your farce of a relationship. Just like I heard you fuck her, I heard you tell her you could neverlove her the next day. How the fuck do you think that made her feel? When you so recklessly threw aside her own feelings and used your words so callously to make her feel so small. She ran away to get away from you. To get away from all the pain you caused her. You didn’t fucking see her the day she left. How tired she looked, how fucking exhausted and lifeless she was. But I did. I fucking saw it and my heart broke her for all over again. So fucking tell me Kim Taehyung, do you deserve to even think about losing her?” Jimin finally spat out, ending his rant and Taehyung looked so lost and broken that Jimin almostregretted his words. But then he remembered you and the shell of a person you had become and he was angry all over again.

“I know. I know what I did. I know what I said. You don’t have to remind me because I know. It haunts me every night that I could have hurt her like that. I… that night was the best night of my life but I was so convinced Hyorin was the one that I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. And I regret it. I regret is so fucking much Jimin. I… I love her and I know, I know I don’t get to say that now. It shouldn’t have taken me losing her to find out just how much she means to me but I miss her. I miss her so fucking much and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But I need to find her, I need to tell her what I feel and I need to at least try and make amends because not having her here is making me lose my fucking mind. I can’t be without her. I can’t fucking lose her Jimin” Taehyung rants, his voice is filled with need and desperation but Jimin simply shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, but I still can’t tell you where she is. Mainly because she hasn’t told me. I’m sorry it took you all this to finally realise what you feel, but it may be too late. You’ve already lost her” Jimin says, his tone final and then he walks away.

By the time you return from Jeju Island, you’ve spent slightly more than two happy, carefree months with Jungkook. There was not a single night or day where you hadn’t spent some semblance of time with him. During afternoons, he’d join you and help wait tables in his father’s restaurant and then once you were both off of work, he’d whisk you away on some new adventure that would leave you completely exhilarated and breathless. There were days when he’d take you hiking through the woods or on other days he’d take you fishing at night. It seemed that every day was a new experience with Jungkook and you were deeply enjoying your time with him.

A month into your holiday, Jungkook had done something you had both anticipated and dreaded.

{Flashback – A month ago}

You’re lying in a small meadow, just off the roadside, overlooking the mountains and sea that surround Jeju. It’s not exactly the most ideal spot considering you’re just opposite a road, but the cars that drive past are so scarce that it doesn’t even register in your mind. Jungkook had parked his car somewhere of the side and now you two were simply laying on the grass, surrounded by beautiful purple blossoms. You breathe in the fresh air, so reminiscent of the sea salted air of Busan and yet so different from the place you called home in Seoul. The scent of grass accompanied by the scent of the sea has you feeling nostalgic and maudlin. Back to the days when life had been easier, when Taehyung hadn’t hurt you so deeply and when you were just friends, nothing more.

It’s been so long since you’ve thought of Taehyung. The hurt is still there but it’s no longer as fresh or raw. His words don’t stab at your heart anymore. Instead, they’ve left a dull ache of a wound that is slowly healing. Thoughts of Taehyung don’t send you plummeting into despair anymore. Instead, they leave you with a weird sense of nostalgia and ache. An ache for the feelings that you’ve lost, an ache for your best friend. Nothing more. You’ve long since accepted that you and Taehyung were not meant to be, nor could you ever be. There was too much bad blood, too much hurt. You were willing to forgive, but you could never forget.

“Wanna tell me what’s occupying that pretty little head of yours?” Jungkook asks, breaking you out of your inner musings. You send him a wistful smile and he notices the expression, one you’ve worn very often but have refused to divulge your secrets. Jungkook recognises the signs of someone running away from their problem, but he’s also noticed you slowly become more open with him, slowly become livelier and so he’s left it. He trusts that you know what’s best for you and that you’re dealing with your problems in your own way.

“Just stuff from home. Every now and then I think about it and it still hurts, but each day it gets better. It hurts less. It certainly hurts less than it did when I got here” You say, a genuine bright smile on your face and Jungkook smiles at your cheeriness.

“Have I been any help?” He asks, more so in a teasing tone because he would never presume that he was the answer to all your problems. But your expression once again turns reflective and there’s a certain bliss to your features that there wasn’t before, a certain lightness to your eyes.

“You’re joking, but yes. You’ve helped a lot. Thank you” You reply, genuine gratitude lacing your voice and Jungkook is instantly floored, unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he’s done anything great; all he knows is that he loves spending time with you. All he knows is that he wants to continue spending time with you, whether it was watching you attempt to break his arcade records, or sharing leftovers from the restaurant, or even if it was laying on some grass by the roadside. He wanted many more adventures with you, many more late nights and many more days spent doing anything and everything under the sun.

“Let’s go out” Jungkook says suddenly and you raise your eyebrow at him before giggling.

“We areout. But where do you want to go?” You ask curiously and he shakes his head.

“No, I mean. Let’s date. I want to take you out. On a real date. With romantic intentions” Jungkook elaborate and you stiffen, looking at him with wide eyes.

Your feelings were in complete chaos, a part of you, the broken part, wanted to run; because no matter how much you’ve forgiven him and how much you want to be over him, Taehyung has left his scars on you. Scars that will never heal. Scars tell you that you won’t ever be loved the way you want to. And you dread that. You dread falling in love with someone, giving someone everything you have only for them to leave. You somehow survived Taehyung, you doubt you’ll survive someone else leaving. You doubt you’ll survive Jungkook leaving.

But another part of you, the bigger part of you that is healed; the part that heeds Jimin’s advice, wants you to dive straight into him. It wants you to experience a love with is completely reciprocated. It wants you to experience happiness, and joy and most of all it wants you to experience love. Even if Jungkook doesn’t end up being the one, that part of you wants to try. To move on once and for all. Not everyone is Taehyung. Not everyone is going to hurt you so deeply. You rationalise that. You know that. And yet, a part of you still fears; still holds you back.

Another part of you feels guilty. You’re not completely over Taehyung. There are still residual feelings and this part of you, doesn’t want to use Jungkook as a rebound. This part of you understands that Jungkook’s feelings are pure and this part doesn’t want you taking advantage of those feelings in order to move on. It’s wrong and Jungkook doesn’t deserve that. He’s sweet, still full of life and so, somuch stronger than you. He’s experienced his own disillusionment of love; his last girlfriend cheated. And yet here he was, so ready and willing to dive head first into you, someone who was still haunted by her past love. He was stronger than you could ever be.

“You’re not saying anything. If you don’t want to, just say so. It’s not that big a deal” Jungkook says with a shrug but you can see the slight nervousness in his eyes. It is a big deal. It’s bigger than he could ever know. Were you willing to put yourself in that position again? You had no idea. But… maybe you just owed it to yourself to try. To explain why you’re so wary and why you both want to and don’t want to date him. So, you do. Explain that is.

You come clean about everything. You tell him about Taehyung, you tell him about how you fell in love and how you were always just the best friend. You tell him about the day he gets a girlfriend, and then all the times he’s left you for her. You tell him about the night you fuck and then the huge blow up the day after. You tell him about how you ran away to Jeju and then met him. You tell him about how much he unknowingly healed you and why you’re so reluctant to date him, even if you want to. You don’t want to hurt him and you don’t want to use him. You tell him everything and Jungkook just listens. He listens and listens and then when you’re done he pulls you close and hugs you until the tears are all dried and you’re left with nothing but feelings of safety and comfort, wrapped up in Jungkook’s embrace.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore” You confess with a sniffer and Jungkook nods, his chin resting on the top of your head. He holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss against your temple.

“I know. I know baby. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry he was too much of an idiot to realise how amazing you are. But his loss, is still my gain. I want to date you. I want you to be mine. I want to show you what it means to love and be loved; I want to show you the joys of being in love. I can’t promise you it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows. But my god ____, I can promise that I won’t everhurt you the way he did. So, forget everything else and tell me what you want. If you want to try, I’m here. If you don’t feel ready, then I’ll still be here; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Because I want you. I want everything about you. I want your smile, your tears, your heartache but most importantly your love. I want it all” Jungkook says and you have no idea how he does it, but once again it’s like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders. Jungkook is far stronger than you could ever hope to be. But a part of you wonders, that maybe, just maybeif you stick by him, he’ll lend you some of that strength.

So, you say yes.

And he kisses you.

{End of Flashback}

Now it’s been almost two and a half months since you’ve been in Jeju and it’s time you went back. Graduation was in a week; you had gotten your results two week before hand and surprisingly, you’d passed all your modules. You were getting a degree. You had immediately run to Jungkook and the two of you had celebrated with a quick picnic on the beach, Jungkook snatching a bottle of wine from the restaurant’s wine cellar. You had packed up all your things and were finally ready to head back to Seoul and face real life. You couldn’t run from your life; something Jungkook had reminded you of everyday.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook asked, his own bag packed with him. You smiled at him and nodded. You turned to the flat once again, smiling nostalgically before you turned off all the lights and deposited the keys where they were supposed to be. He grabbed your bag and carried it towards the taxi waiting for the two of you. Jungkook was returning with you for two reasons. The first being, to your great surprise, was that he too attended university in Seoul and therefore, he too had to return back to everyday life. The second being, that he really wanted to watch you graduate.

There was very little you could refuse Jungkook and so you had accepted, more than happy to be returning with him. You had worried about needed to return to Seoul. You had come to develop a deep fondness for Jungkook. It wasn’t love yet, you were still wary and Jungkook understood. He was in a similar position. But that didn’t mean you weren’t particularly fond of each other. For now, it was more than enough. There was no way to say what the future entailed, but you had some hope that you’d somehow last.

Your feelings for Jungkook were day and night in comparison to your feelings for Taehyung. You weren’t consumed with a burning want like you had for Taehyung; instead you were filled with a small need for him. The need to tell him how your day went, to the need to touch him whether it be a small brush of your hands or his arms around you in bed. You were filled with the need to see him smile and to see him flourish and you were assured the feelings were reciprocated. Being with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you were soglad you had run away and found him.

But now, it was time to go home.

A small part of you dreaded returning. You had no idea what was happening; sure, you’d kept in touch with Jimin, dropping him texts every now and then but you never asked about Taehyung and he never bothered telling you. You were going back blind and it filled you with nervousness. You’d messaged Jimin, letting him know you’d be moving back in. Jimin was ecstatic, but he questioned whether it was wise. You weren’t entirely sure yourself. But you were done running, that was your home as much as it was Taehyung’s and you were not giving it up. Besides, you sincerely hoped that you and Taehyung could move on and continue being friends. Of course, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem once he realised you’d moved on and he could happily be with Hyorin.

However, only time would tell.

“I can’t believe you’re back! I missed you so much! Tell me everything, how was Jeju?” Jimin bounces over to you, happiness radiating off of him as he greets you with a hug. You let out a small laugh and hug him back once you place your bags down.

“I can’t believe I’m back either. I missed you too! Can I unpack first? My room is still available right. I didn’t even ask before dropping you a text telling you I was moving back in” You say apologetically and Jimin shakes his head.

“We rented out your room for a bit, but your stuff is still there and your name is still on the lease so it’s all good. Do you need any… help unpacking?” Jimin trails off when Jungkook enters your shared apartment. He gives Jimin a shy smile and Jimin’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. He turns to look at you, gaping like a fish as he flicks between you and Jungkook.

“Babe, where do you want this?” Jungkook asks and Jimin splutters. You send him a weird look before pointing your room out to Jungkook.

“Down there, Kook. I’ll come help in a bit” You say and Jungkook nods as he grabs your stuff and his before taking it into your room. Once he’s out of earshot, Jimin rounds on you.

“Who is that? Is he staying here? Whatthe fuck happened in Jeju? Are you over Taehyung?” Jimin rapidly questions and you reel back slightly before laughing at him as you pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“That Jungkook… my boyfriend I guess. He’s staying for a short while; his apartment is still being room is still being rented to some summer tenants so he has to wait it out. So much happened in Jeju but the main thing was that I started seeing Jungkook. And I don’t think I’ll everbe over Taehyung, but I’m better. Definitely much better” You say with a soft smile and Jimin raises his eyebrow.

“Does Jungkook know?” Jimin asks and you send him an agitated look.

“Of course, he knows. I wouldn’t keep such a big thing from him. He knows all about Taehyung and he’s super understanding. It’s more that I deserve” You reply and Jimin scowls at you.

“Don’t do that. You deserve more than you think you do. But damn, all hell is going to break loose when Taehyung returns” Jimin says and you frown, eyebrows furrowed as you ponder his words.

“What do you mean? Why would all hell break loose?” You ask but before he could answer, the front door clicks open and Taehyung enters holding grocery bags.

“Hey Jimin, the store didn’t have your favourite ramen so I got another type-“ Taehyung begins but he stops short when his head lifts up and he meets your gaze. Time seems to stand still as the two of you look at each other. Taehyung’s is one of shock while a small unsure smile is painted upon your lips. It’s been almost half a year since you’ve seen Taehyung. You avoided him like the plague during exam season and then you disappeared to Jeju Island. He’s still as beautiful as the day he walked out of your room. Except now, his mullet is gone and in place a shorter version; and his hair is no longer blonde but back to its natural dark colouring.

“Is… is that really you?” Taehyung asks and you not shyly, unsure why you’re so unnerved. Taehyung immediately drops his bags and stalks over to you and before you know it, his arms are wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest and encasing you in his embrace. You breathe out a sigh of relief and hug back. Maybe this would be easier than you imagined.

“Surprise!” You say quietly but Taehyung ignored it, instead he holds you at arm’s length and takes in every inch of your appearance.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave me again. I love you” Taehyung confesses and you freeze, your brain short circuiting for a bit but before you can respond, Taehyung’s lips are locked against yours. Your eyes widen in shock and you stand stock-still for a couple moments before your brain registers exactly what is happen. You quickly struggle against his hold and finally managed to break away, pushing him off of you. Taehyung looks at you in shock and you regard him in disbelief and anger.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just kiss me like that Kim Taehyung! What made you think that was okay?” You cry, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“What? Why not? I love you. I’m sorry, I was such an idiot before and it took you leaving for me to realise just what I feel for you. I know it sounds like a cop out and you have no reason to believe me after what I said, but I dolove you. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you” Taehyung says and you scoff in incredulity.

“Are you fucking kidding me Kim Taehyung? You’re right I don’t believe you. I don’t want to believe you. You told me you could neverlove me the way you love Hyorin. Speaking of, where is she? We made the mistake of cheating once, I won’t do it again” You spit out, ire rising with each passing moment. How could he do this to you? You were finallymoving on and here he was, throwing a wrench in your work. Well you wouldn’t allow it, you refuseto be a part of his game anymore.

“I broke up with her. I was an idiot. Such an idiot, I never should have ditched you. I never should have distanced myself from you. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. So please, just give me a chance” Taehyung pleads, reaching one hand out to grab yours. You pull it away and shake your head at him.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s in the past. I can’t give you a chance anymore. I’m sorry, you lost that the minute you walked out of my door that day. You left me completely broken. You hurt me, in a way I never expected you to. I’m fine now, I got over it. But I’m sorry to say Taehyung… I don’t love you anymore” You whisper and you yourself are startled by the truth of your words. But it’s true. You don’tlove him anymore. All those feelings are replaced by placid feelings of fondness for your best friend and nothing else.

“No. No, you don’t mean that. You love me. You’ve loved me for years. You can’t be over me so easily. It’s only been half a year. You love me. Please tell me you love me” Taehyung begs, tears pooling in his eyes and a part of you aches for him. You know exactly what he’s feeling; the desperation to be loved by the one you love. But you couldn’t offer him that solace anymore.

“I can’t. I can’t say that, because it’s not true. I love you Taehyung, but not in that way. Not anymore. That’s what happens when you’re hurt that muchby the person you love. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this and I hope one day we can go back to being friends. But any romantic notion of me and you, died that day Taehyung” You say with a small sob, you hadn’t even registered you were crying. But these tears aren’t for yourself. These are for Taehyung. These tears are for the heart you know you’re breaking with your words. But you can’t lead him on. You can’t do what he did to you for so long.

“NO! No! Please, I love you” Taehyung implores and you desperately wish he had done this months ago. But it’s too late now. His confession is far too delayed and you can’t help but wonder if you and Taehyung were cursed with nothing but missed opportunities and incorrect timing. In another world, in another life, you could see yourself with Taehyung. But not in this life. Not in this world. You were happy with Jungkook and you weren’t going to give that up.

“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks as he walks our wearily, he regards Taehyung with a guarded expression before his eyes fall onto you. His eyes widen in panic at your tear streaked face; he quickly walks over to you and pull you into him. His hand cups your cheek and lifts your chin up to look at him.

“____? Are you okay baby? What’s wrong?” Jungkook ask and the concern etched onto his face only makes you cry harder. You’re convinced you don’t deserve him, but you’d be damned if you were letting him go. So, you do the only thing you can. You pull him into a kiss and pour out all your emotions into it. It’s not love and Jungkook knows it, but right now it’s the closest thing to it and he’ll take it.

“Take me away. We can unpack later, but right now. I just want to watch the sunset with you” You whisper and Jungkook immediately nods. He runs into your room and grabs both your jacket before he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him. He waves Jimin goodbye and regards Taehyung with an apologetic look before leading you out of your flat. You stop briefly and turn to Taehyung.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. I really am” You whisper and then Jungkook shuts the door.

This time, Taehyung watches you leave. His chest feels likes its being caved in and he’s filled with despair. He watches you leave with Jungkook, your hands entwined and he wants nothing more than to be in his place. But he saw the hint of love in your eyes when you looked at Jungkook. It’s not as strong as how you used to look at him, but it’s there and his heart shatters. When he finally hears the door shut, he knows that this is the end. You’ve walked out of his life, once and for all. There’s no more you and Taehyung. He lost that right a while ago. Doubt clouds his mind and he ponders the what ifs. What if he realised his feelings sooner, what if he ran after you? What if he’d never walked out that day? Maybe, just maybe he’d have you in his arms right now.

But he can’t change the past.

He can’t change the inkling of love you have for Jungkook.

He can’t make you love him again.

And Taehyung briefly wonders, how do you cope with losing something you both had and didn’t have?

A/N: This AU took everything out of me. So I hope you enjoyed that!

Masterlist

[devil-kindred]

Get to Know Me - raisinghellinotherworlds

Saw @pd3 do this and though I’d give it a go!

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1. Name : Siren (it’s a pseudonym!)

2. Nationality: American

3. Age: 27

4. Birthday: January 29th

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign): Aquarius

6. Gender: Female

7. Sexuality: Heterosexual

More below the cut

[[MORE]]

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

For the record this is the only recent picture of myself I like and this is about as much of my face as you’ll ever see bc I know my angles.

9. What do you/did you study?: I went to school for a Bachelors in Arts with and emphasis on Sciences but never finished it bc 1) college is expensive and 2) I don’t know what I want to do career-wise so there’s not a point in going back anymore.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?: I’m a service desk associate at a department store. Something where I could deal with less people bc boy does this job push my patience sometimes.

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11. What is your birth order?: Firstborn/Oldest.

12. How many siblings do you have?: Technically four, but only two living.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?: My immediate family. My siblings are closer to each other (but they’re only two years apart) but we get along. I also have a good relationship with my parents though I’m not as close to my mom as I could be it’s hard to forget the not nice things your parent say to you as a kid.

14. How many friends do you have?: Lots though only a few I see/talk to on a regular basis.

15. Your relationship status: Single.

16. What do you look for in a SO?: Intelligent, kind, has a sense of humor.

17. Do you have a crush?: I guess.

18. When was your first kiss?: WHY *sighs* I was... 25.

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?: I’ve... never been in an actual relationship? I’d like to say serious.

20. What are your deal breakers? Being rude, cheating, and treating me like a child/you know what’s best for me/someone in need of saving (new flash, i am not your princess peach/some damsel in distress. If you need to rescue someone I am not your girl).

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21. How was your day?: It’s still early into the day and I go to work in about an hour and a half and I get to close so we’ll see!

22. Favourite food & drink: French Fries. Or anything with potatoes. I’m a fiend. And Dr. Pepper or Coffee.

23. What position do you sleep in?: On my side/stomach on the part of the bed that’s against the wall.

24. What was your last dream about?: It was... highly NSFT and no, I will not go into detail.

25. Your fears: I’m not a fan of spiders or bugs of any kind really, I hate clowns, and I don’t like thunderstorms. Or tornados.

26. Your dreams: Move, either out of state or out of the country.

27. Your goals: See above.

28. Any pets?: A bird, Momo.

29. What are your hobbies?: Writing, playing video games, and reading (fanfic or books)

30. Any cool places in your area?: I’m sure there are but I live in a town surrounded by corn and other farmland so... it’s anyone’s best guess.

31. What was your last awkward situation?: The other day when a customer stared at me for a solid three minutes when I explained that due to the pandemic we’re no longer offering one of our services in an effort to reduce contact.

32. What is your last regret?: That I didn’t realize the true nature of some people who I no longer speak to sooner.

33. Language/s you can speak: English, Spanish (I’m so rusty though), a little bit of French, and a teeny tiny bit of Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.): I believe in my many things so yes.

35. Have any quirks?: Uh... I mess with my hair when I’m nervous? & the more nervous I get my (already high) voice gets higher and will go up several octaves the more nervous I get?

36. Your pet peeves: People in my apartment building slamming the front door all the damn time.

37. Ideal vacation: Somewhere with nice scenery and where it’s calm.

38. Any scars?: Quite a few small ones on my head from a car accident when I was just a baby (I went through a window- got a few scrapes but other than that was unharmed) and one on my hand (it’s on both sides of my hand too) from when I was toddler and got bit by a dog.

39. What does your last text message say?: “I’ll let you know when I get some gameplay posted!” I have a sideblog for casual TS4 gameplay. Was telling a friend that I was going to post new stuff soon.

40. Last 5 things from your search history: No thanks! It’s all just checking if a word is really a word and spelling anyways.

41. What’s your [Device] background?: Lockscreen is a wallpaper from FFXV ft. The Chocobros; Hope Screen is Sam & Evie.

42. What do you daydream about?: Writing mostly.

43. Describe your dream home: Decent amount of space, a library room to hold all my books... good lighting, comfy.... preferably NOT in the middle of nowhere.

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion: I am not a fan. Particularly of Christianity but everyone has their own beliefs and in that regard, to each their own. Just don’t try to convert me bc the answer is f*ck no.

45. Your personality type: INFP.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done?: Climbed onto the roof of the shed when I was little because I got something stuck up there.

47. Are you happy with your current life?: For the most part!

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life: Gymnastics, Ballet, etc.

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49. What does your wardrobe consist of?: Lots of t-shirts, jeans, shorts, flats, boots, etc.

50. Favourite colour to wear?: Black or Blue.

51. How would you describe your style?: Extremely casual.

52. Are you happy with your current looks?: Kinda? I really need to cut my hair because it’s gotten so long it’s annoying. But I can put up with it until it’s safe again bc pandemic. My hair is not that important I assure you.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?: Oh God, could I be taller? Like at least 5’3”? Which is still teeny but better than my 4’9” ass.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: I have 3 piercings and three tattoos (two finished, one in progress)

55. Do you get complimented often?: Maybe? I’m oblivious to the point that you could have a flashing neon sign with the compliment written on it and it would probably still go over my head.

56. Favourite aesthetic?: Biker Chic!

57. A popular trend that you dislike: Neon.

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58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?: Blessed Be - Spiritbox.

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like: If I like a song, I like it. But if I have to pick one, I know everyone hates Despacitio. I know, ok but I really like the original version bc I like the sound. Latin music always has a fun groove to it.

60. Favourite genre?: Rock & Metal.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?: Type O Negative, Pallbearer, Ice Nine Kills. Give me all the goth rock/metal and just fun metal in general.

62. Hated popular songs/artists?: Oh boy... don’t hate me but I um... don’t care too much for T Swift? And I’m not a fan of country.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5: Devil’s // Door - VCTMS, Karasu - The GazettE, Path - Apocalyptica, I Walk the Line - Halsey, Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?: I can kinda play bass but I’m still learning so it’s just like... the very bare basics.

65. Do you like karaoke?: I’m very self-conscious so no.

66. Own any albums?: Yes, though majority are digital.

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?: Yes. I have it on for background noise in my room in which case I don’t pay attention to it, but I have XM radio in my car where I listen to Octane/Liquid Metal/Turbo.

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68. Favourite movie/series?: The Dark Knight trilogy or Hellraiser or Nightbreed.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc: Horror, Sci-fi, and fantasy.

70. Your fictional crush/es: Too many. Look at my OCs and their SO’s and you’ll find a bunch of them.

71. Which fictional character is you?: My friends would say Mira Jane from Fairy Tail. My bestie says Mercedes from Fire Emblem Three Houses (minus the devout part bc... I do not have nice feelings re-religion. You do you though!).

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so: Yes, and once again you’ll be reading for eternity. So I’ll sum it up as too many to list.

73. Favourite greek god?: Apollo.

74. A legend from where you live that you like: It’s said that before big disasters happen in the town I live in + the surrounding areas, that you’ll see a panther. Supposedly one has been seen before at least 4 different bad things that have happened over the years. I’m in the midwest though so take that as you will.

75. Do you like art?: I do but I don’t really have a favorite. ... I am kinda partial to Van Gogh though.

76. Can you share your other social media?: I have a Pinterest but since my other social media has my name (which I also share with an OC whoops. That’s what I get for being indecisive and going the first name the name generator gave me) I’d rather not. If you ask and we’re friends I’ll probably give it to you but...

77. Favourite youtubers?: I don’t really watch too many anymore but I’ve been watching a lot of jacksepticeye’s gameplay. Aside that I tend to just watch channels like PlayStation Access or Outsidexbox.

78. Favourite platform?: Instagram

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?: More than I should, I’m sure.

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? Uh, if I had to list them all you’d literally be reading this for eternity. To sum it up, I mostly play RPGs/JRPGs, open-world, survival horror (my fave), and a few (emphasis on few) FPS. Favorites are (once again with a limit): Bioshock, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Until Dawn, Silent Hill 2, and Fatal Frame.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts): do you know how f*cking hard this question is as someone who’s a bookworm? Ok, ok um... Gotta have a limit or I’ll never shut up... um... Three favorites: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Horns by Joe Hill, and American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

82. Do you play board/card games?: On occasion! They’re best with bigger groups but alas, my apartment is rather small and I don’t have a lot of space for multiple people so I don’t play them often.

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? No, but it sounds fun.

84. Favourite holiday: Halloween!

85. Are you into dramas?: As in, tv dramas? Kinda? I have a friend on lived in SK for a time and got into K-dramas so I watch them with her from time-to-time when she visits.

Would you use a Death Note if you had one?: No.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?: Oh boy... make everyone get along, ensure everyone could live their life to the best possible, etc.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?: Possibly.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?: I’m going with mythical instead of strictly paranormal but... a vampire!

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?: As in to my body? Cremate me. To my stuff, give my books to a good home and take care of my bird.

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?: Most people call me by my middle name already since I got tired of people calling me the wrong name (& I like my middle name better) and insisting my first name was actually a nickname (it’s not, it’s the same as the musician I’m named after) so if I were to eventually be bothered enough, I’d have it legally changed to my middle name.

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?: I don’t know to be honest. I’m fairly happy with my life so I think I’d just not switch.

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo: 🌊

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true: I took karate classes for several years, I’ve never dyed my hair, I’ve had two jobs thus far.

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95. Cold or hot?: Cold I guess? If we’re talking in reference to seasons give me cool (aka Fall).

96. Be a hero or be a villain?: Hero because being a villain would mean I’d have to be mean to people and I can’t even pick the mean options in video games without feeling guilty so...

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?: um... no? I’m not quite certain what this means but I’m going to go with no?

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?: Shapeshifting!

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?: Immortal.

[ertrunkenerwassergeist]

Born Into the Wilds - Chapter 12

Done! Here’s the Link to AO3.

In which politics happen, a story is told and cultures clash.

Featuring: Nyx wanting to be anywhere else, Libertus' and Clarus' tempers, Cor being Cor and 2000 year old history being aired.

Warnings (these only apply to the story of Gilgamesh being told, which is clearly marked, if you want to avoid it): religious prosecution, death, murder, voilence against children

Words in Hadnissa:

ahtri = spirit; umbrella term for everything from actual nature spirits to the presence of their ancestors makti-oir = war chief, commander-in-chief, warlord; lit.: leading hunter Galahkari = people of Galahd oirkar = chief, clan head; lit.: leading person; a title cünaniu lin = members of the moot; lit.: belonging to the moot cünaniu = a moot, basically a publilc gathering to debate stuff. Held by selected Elders and has to be an odd number sinehär gisdrauht = Elder Storyteller

“How much are we going to tell the King?” Pelna suddenly spoke up, causing everybody to stop what they were doing.

They had all met again an hour before the briefing at his apartment. Stuffed with paperwork as it was, Nyx wondered how so many people still managed to find space in there.

Libertus was inspecting the contents of his fringe for some unknown reason. Currently he was in the process of dumping a squashed avocado that had gone bad, in the bin with a disgusted face. The wound on his face had been cleaned and taped shut and at the hospital he had gotten a high grade potion for his bruised ribs.

Crowe sat perched on his table and looked at the proceedings in front of her in amusement. Luche and Pelna stood side by side leaning against the wall by the front door and Ladone and Athina, who had insisted on accompanying him to his apartment, looked Nyx up and down with critical eyes.

He stood there, wedged between his TV and two formidable women as they made sure everything was perfect. It made him feel like prey and he did not like that. At all.

“Isn't this good enough?” he wanted to know.

He did not whine. He didn't.

Yet again Athina twitched at the large summer silk cloth that had been slung over his left shoulder so that the roaring coeurl was clearly visible along his upper arm and shoulder. At the front and back it had been tucked into a wide belt made out of fine cotton and a wooden brown colour, shot through with green never ending knots forming plant life, with the ends on both sides reaching his knees. It was draped in artful folds Athina was rearranging again and again much to Nyx' chagrin.

The rest of his clothes were positively understated in comparison. A sleeveless tunic with a high collar that was nearly skintight and beautifully soft leather trousers, both in a hunter's grey.

“It's enough when I say it is,” admonished Athina and checked the artfully done knot of the cloth belt again. “And now stop fidgeting. I'll be done sooner, if you stand still.”

Nyx did just that and heaved a defeated sigh.

“I could have just gone in a clean uniform like the rest of you,” he complained.

“With what is going on right now, no you can't,” announced Luche from his place against the wall.

A scowl was the blond's answer because Nyx did not dare to move, not wanting to get another one of Athina's disapproving glares. The woman was currently taking the Ulric blades Ladone was carrying and tucked one into the belt against the small of his back and the other one against his right thigh, held there by a leather harness.

“There was discussion of getting you some upper body armour, too, but it would never have been ready in time. Not with how intricate it would need to be, and a bowman's armour would have sent the wrong message. So this is the best we could do,” Athina said and motioned towards the shin guards made out of boiled leather and mithril bands strapped to his boots and the vambraces made in the same style.

“I feel ridiculous,” Nyx said.

“Don't be a baby,” Crowe grinned.

“Well, you can go in your uniform, so you're not allowed to say anything,” he shot back.

Athina stepped back, looked him over one more time and nodded.

“Oh thank ahtrii,” Nyx muttered as his shoulders slumped.

“You'll need to get the new tattoo done soon,” mentioned Ladone as she made sure her uniform jacket sat right around her shoulders.

“I know,” Nyx nodded. “I just haven't had the time to have it done yet.”

“Best make an appointment tomorrow,” the older woman advised.

Nyx nodded again. Makti-oir was something he would be for life and there were two insignia of his rank, both of which he had neglected to get until now since there wasn't a ceremony for it. One was a tattoo at an easily visible place like the back of his hand, and the second was a mithril bead worn in a fishbone braid.

This was when Luche stepped forward. “I can't help with the tattoo, but I have this.” Within his outstretched hand lay bead made out of mithril that was nearly as big as Libertus' Clan bead.

Nyx was not ashamed to admit to his gaping.

“Where did you get that? Do we even have time to do this?” he questioned.

Luche rolled his eyes. “Of course we have time for this. It won't take us that long to reach the Citadel. Now stop stalling.”

“Okay, okay,” Nyx muttered and took the bead.

Internally he bid good-bye to his shaved mullet. He would need to grow at least one side out again to properly accommodate for his new braid, but for now he improvised and added the braid to the right side. The bead was heavy.

“We'll tell the King what he needs to know,” Libertus answered Pelna's earlier question as he stood up from his crouched position by the fridge.

“And what does he need to know in your opinion, wise guy?” Luche wanted to know, irritated.

Libertus sneered in the blond's direction but before he could say anything Ladone stepped between them.

“Stop acting like a bunch of children. What are you? Five? We'll give the King a full briefing, from the moment we left Insomnia to the moment we got back. What we should be asking ourselves isn't what we're going to tell him, but how much we're going to explain.”

“It's Libertus' decision how much we're going to explain about Gilgamesh. His Clan is the most affected other than the Khara. It's their secret,” Nyx declared.

“I'll concede to Libertus' decision. He fought Gilgamesh and not only took a trophy, but also gained back an unrightfully worn bead,” Pelna announced.

Libertus assented to that with a slight nod and a thoughtful frown that made the taped wound on his face warp. The frown turned into a pained grimace. According to Libertus the doctor seeing to him had declared that there would be a scar, since they had been so late in treating the wound. Not that it bothered his hunting-brother overly much. Galahkari didn't have a stigma against scars like Insomnians had.

“Luche, would you give the report for the Kingsglaive? It would probably be best, if we didn't switch the spokesperson too much. And technically you're the highest ranking Glaive here,” Nyx requested.

The blond nodded after a moment, though he didn't look happy about it. “I gave my word to help you. But I also told you the nobles would be your problem. Don't expect me to do all the talking. Technical highest rank or not.”

“Of course. Thank you.”

“Why did the King demand all of us to be there? Nyx, Luche, Libertus and Ladone I can understand. But Pelna and me? We're not high enough in the hierarchy nor did we do anything report worthy,” Crowe thought out loud.

“Are you kidding me? You invented a whole new field spell and managed to pull it off so well, half an air fleet got destroyed,” Nyx exclaimed.

Crowe turned her head away to hide a blush. “And collapsed afterwards. The spell isn't perfect and I need more time to train its usage with my mages. Two nearly died because of magical exhaustion.”

“And Pelna, you held together communications. You know best what went on where at any given time, and if the Lucians weren't so obsessed with rank, you would be the one doing the reporting,” Nyx ploughed on.

Pelna didn't say anything, but a small grateful smile played at the corners of his lips.

“I think it's about time for you all to go, if you want to be there with a bit of time to spare,” Athina spoke up with a glance to the watch around her wrist.

Luche nodded after checking the time himself. “Being just on time sends a message in and of itself, but we're not at that point yet.”

Nyx didn't want to ask what that meant exactly, but even he could see that it was a power move meant to provoke and that's not what they wanted to do. He turned to Athina who held his new khopesh out towards him, hilt first. Right, power statements. Without a word he sheathed it at his hip, where, half hidden underneath the cloth belt, a sword belt was located.

She nodded, satisfied. Behind her back both Crowe and Libertus shot him wide grins that made him want to roll his eyes.

“Thank you for your help, Athina” he said instead with a sincere smile.

“You come over tomorrow and tell me all about how those nobles reacted to my Clan's handiwork, and we'll call it even,” she grinned.

There was a sparkle in her eyes Nyx couldn't seem to look away from. He nodded, transfixed.

“May the Great Coeurl watch over you, makti-oir,” she said and walked out of his apartment with a small wave.

Had she just winked?

As they themselves left, Nyx at the head of their small procession, Libertus came up next to him and patted him on the shoulder free of summer silk, with a leer.

“Good choice.”

“There's nothing going on, Libs,” Nyx denied with a shake of his head.

“Yes well, excuse me for thinking differently with how you two were looking at each other.” Nyx had to fight a blush creeping up his cheeks and Libertus' grin grew wider as he noticed. “I heard she's oirkar Sarcina's most talented apprentice. People started speculating that she'll most likely be next in line for the position with how he favours her.”

Nyx shot his hunting-brother a look. He could honestly care less, if Athina was to be the next oirkar of the Sarcina Clan or a simple seamstress. There was something about her, something vibrant and strong and dangerous, like one of the many poisonous flowers that grew on Galahd. Libertus held up his hands in mock surrender.

“I know you don't care about that. But seriously: anyone who can make you act like a responsible adult with just one look, has my seal of approval.”

“And we need more women in this group,” Crowe piped up from behind them.

Nyx, conscious of the looks they garnered as they passed the people on the street, carefully did not groan or bury his head in his hands. Sometimes he hated his family.

The guards were staring at them. More precisely they were alternating between Ladone's trident, Libertus' axe and Nyx' everything. This was probably the first time they saw authentic Galahdian fashion. Not that Nyx cared much about that. He was too busy concentrating on not messing up the artful folds of the summer silk. Athina would murder him with a sewing needle, if he did, he was sure.

They stood in the waiting hall in front of the throne room and they were not alone. At the other end of the hall a group of petitioners sat, talking amongst themselves in hushed tones and looking over at them periodically.

Pelna met his gaze and subtly rolled his eyes. Nyx snorted quietly. The man looked like a soldier ready for a parade with how neatly he was dressed. If one was to ignore the beads half hidden in his hair, announcing his Clan and occupation, that was. Crowe had cleaned up her hair enough that the braids holding her bun together were actually visible for once and even Luche wore a necklace made out of his beads wound on silver metal threads.

Politics they had all said. If Nyx hadn't disliked politics before, he was starting to hate them now.

Libertus proceeded to scowl at the assorted collection of canapés and drinks a butler had delivered as soon as they had entered the hall, which had never happened before. None of them had touched any of it during the ten minutes they had been waiting.

The large double doors opened and a group of three teenagers stepped out. Nyx immediately recognized them as the prince and his retainers, the Lord Shield's son and the Scientia whose name he couldn't remember right now.

The Scientia was the only one whose mien looked appropriately put together for this setting. The prince looked utterly bored and the Amicitia exasperated. Until their gazes strayed over to their group. An expression of bland neutrality that looked so much like his father's, slammed on the prince's face so fast, Nyx felt like he should get whiplash.

He greeted the prince with a stiff nod. The prince nodded back, curiosity creeping into not only his, but also into his companions' expressions. Nyx could only guess what they looked like at the moment. Five soldiers dressed to the nines in their uniforms, and the rising hero of the Kingsglaive dressed in a way neither of them had likely seen before.

Their gazes held for a long moment, until the Scientia muttered something into the prince's ear and they started to leave the hall.

“What was that about?” Crowe whispered somewhere behind him.

“They're all staring at us like we're some kind of attraction,” Libertus muttered under his breath, arms crossed over his chest.

Nyx gave a one shouldered shrug. “Curiosity, most likely. I have nothing against kids showing their curiosity.”

He watched as the prince's shoulders rose in an instinctive defensive movement as soon as he was out of the direct line of sight, and frowned. A child should not do that for wanting to know something.

“Oh, the prince isn't the problem. They are,” Pelna said and tilted his head first towards the still staring guards, then the other petitioners.

Ladone cast them all her hard flint stone gaze and Nyx watched in satisfaction as they hid a shudder and looked away.

A man in a black and dark green court uniform came over to them and cleared his throat. “If you would please follow me. The King is ready to see you now.”

“Thank you,” Nyx said and started to follow him.

Being polite couldn't hurt, he figured.

The servant bowed deeply as soon as he stepped over the threshold. “Your Majesty, may I present you his Majesty, Nyx Ulric, King of Galahd, and the Lords and Ladies of his court: Ladone Najad, Crowe Altius, Luche Lazarus, Pelna Khara and Libertus Ostium.”

Nyx nearly choked on his own spit. What by all the spirits of Galahd...? He had just enough time to exchange a wide eyed glance with Libertus before someone, probably either Luche or Ladone, gently pushed him into the throne room.

He led their small procession, Libertus half a step behind him to his left, until they reached the base of the stairs. The throne room was surprisingly empty. The chairs on both sides of the gallery, where the ruling members of the court usually sat, were empty. King Regis sat on the throne, his Shield stood to his left and General Leonis stood on the landing. Other than the guards by the doors, no other people were present.

Like with every time he saw the King, Nyx could feel the weight of his debtor's braid practically drag him down. He tilted his head in greeting, not unlike he had done to greet the prince, while the others bowed but remained standing. Nyx could tell it was a pretty bad idea to kneel now.

“Your Majesty,” he greeted and the King returned it in kind, head dipping into a respectful nod.

Nyx tried not to show his involuntary wince too much. He was no King. Not in the way the Lucians thought he was. But as Luche had told him on their way here: trying to explain that to them would only end in more confusion and get them nowhere. So he grit his teeth and did his best not to show how uncomfortable this whole thing made him.

“I see you all made it back mostly in good health,” the King said, his eyes lingering on the taped wound running across Libertus' face, before he went back to intensely gazing at Nyx.

Cor's gaze flittered from the khopesh at his waist, to Ladone's trident only to get caught by the large battle axe his hunting-brother carried. A series of expressions ran across the General's face, from surprise, disbelieve and utter astonishment, only to harden into a piercing stare. Nyx frowned, wondering what was going on with the man. The Shield also frowned at the General. Probably because his body was high strung in sudden tension.

The tension and awkwardness was palatable in the room. Or was that only him?

“Yes your Majesty,” he answered the non question. “There have been no causalities on our side in this battle.”

The King leaned forward, astonished. “None?”

“None.”

“It has been much too long since I heard such good news from the front,” the King mused. “I would like to hear what happened, your Majesty.”

Nyx raised an eyebrow but nodded. They should probably address that whole royalty thing soon. He had a feeling that it could get out of hand very fast, if it hadn't already.

With my luck, it probably already has, he thought, thinking about that headline in the magazine Pelna had shown him.

Luche stepped up next to him, bowed and started the report from the moment they had left Insomnia. King Regis listened attentively, as did the Lord Shield, though their eyes regularly strayed towards the roaring coeurl depicted on the summer silk cloth. General Leonis' gaze never seemed to leave the large battle axe, which grew more and more disconcerting, the longer it went on.

Ending with their Troops reaching the empty heart of the Niff base, Luche took half a step back, clearly not intend to say much more, if he wasn't spoken to directly.

“Thank you, Lord Lazarus. But I have to wonder: this does not explain why the Glaive was this late in their return,” the Lord Shield stated with a frown.

“It was a trap set up by General Glauca,” Nyx spoke up, back straight and head held high.

Neither Luche nor anybody else would suffer repercussions for their late return. Not while he could do something about it.

“What?!” The Lord Shield seemed to fluff up like an angry chicatrice with shock.

General Leonis did not much more than blink while the King leaned forward with a worried frown.

“You said you managed to avoid causalities,” he said.

“Yes, your Majesty. We have twelve heavily injured people who will all make it and around thirty lighter injured people who still required medical attention, not counting our mages who all suffered various degrees of magical exhaustion,” Nyx reported.

His audience listened with growing amazement as he continued praising Crowe's ingenuity with magic, the field spell she had developed, and how she had used to to break their enemy forces before they had had the chance to attack.

“And I went to confront General Glauca together with Ladone of Clan Najad.”

“You. You went to confront the strongest fighter the enemy has within their army, with only one person for backup? Your Majesty,” the Lord Shield added the last part at a subtle sideways glance the King shot him.

Clarus Amicitia clearly didn't buy into the notion that Nyx was royalty and he could have hugged the older man for that. Well, maybe not, but the sentiment was there. But he couldn't help but bristle at the implication that he wasn't able to hunt his chosen prey. That was a serious insult towards any Ulric.

“I did,” he confirmed with a tilt of his head and carefully restrained indignation.

There was a moment of heavy silence between both parties.

Sensing that some form of faux pas had been committed, the King spoke up again: “Apologies, your Majesty. Please continue.”

Nyx regarded the King for a few seconds and nodded. He knew he shouldn't be insulted. It was a comment made in ignorance, but it still stung. That the King had apologized, surprised him, though.

So the report continued, alternating between Nyx, Ladone and Libertus until they reached their fight with Gilgamesh. That was when General Leonis spoke up.

“You are the first people in twenty-five years to enter the Tempering Grounds and return.”

Libertus, who had stepped up to stand to Nyx' left, gave a sharp grin in answer. “That... man never had to fight against an Ostium before.”

“Those are bold words,” the Lord Shield commented.

Throwing all subtlety into the wind, Nyx grabbed his hunting-brother by the arm to keep him from attacking the Amicitia.

“Libertus, no,” he ordered with as much authority as he could muster.

“They have no idea what they're talking about!” Libertus growled, a sneer on his face and anger in his eyes, but he did not move.

To his other side Ladone gave a quiet curse.

“Exactly, big guy. So calm down,” a warning growl slipped into Nyx' voice as his own magic sparked in agitation.

It only grew worse when another magical presence pressed down on them in a not-quite warning. It was King Regis, who looked down at them with a fire in his green eyes.

“Explain,” he ordered, his voice crisp.

This time Nyx did turn halfway around, still keeping the King within his sight, and looked at his comrades. The normally so laid back Pelna looked furious, while Crowe had a confused frown on her face and Luche looked like the gears turned in his head at high speed.

“The cünaniu lin decreed we should teach,” Ladone commented into the tense silence.

The Elders hadn't decreed shit. In fact, they were against the Lucians being taught too much, and Nyx was pretty sure them knowing a Clan secret counted as 'too much'. Ladone knew that. And Nyx knew that she knew. So why was she proposing this?

“Well,” Pelna ground out. “They need to know something. Understanding and tolerance doesn't come from ignorance, does it?”

“Luche, your grandmother is our oldest sinehär gisdrauht. What say you?” Nyx asked.

The blond's eyebrows shot up, but he considered the question seriously. “She's one of the people who have advocated for more tolerance.”

Nyx nodded. He felt like a bird chained to the ground and longed for the simplicity of a hunt. On one hand he didn't want for the Lucians to know even one of their stories, but on the other hand times were changing, had changed, and Leonid Colophon was right about one thing: they needed to change with them. So he turned towards Libertus.

“It's your Clan secret. What do you decide? None of us will begrudge you, if you decline.”

His hunting-brother's jaw flexed in suppressed anger and agitation, as he mulled their words over. This was hard on him, Nyx could tell, but after a long few seconds he nodded.

Nyx turned back towards the King who was clearly running out of patience, as were the Lord Shield and General Leonis.

“Before we start this, I need you to understand one thing, your Majesty,” he spoke loudly and more confidently than he felt.

“And what would that be?” There was a dangerous edge to the words that reminded Nyx that this ageing man on the throne had once been a dangerous hunter himself. That he could still be a dangerous hunter, if he so desired.

“What you're about to learn, has until now only been known to three of our Clans. The Ostium, the Khara and the Drautos. Telling someone outside of these Clans is considered an unprecedented show of trust. And telling a Clan secret to someone outside of our people has never been done,” Nyx explained.

“I understand,” the King answered gravely.

“No. No, you don't,” Nyx declared. “But maybe you will.”

He ignored the indignant faces of all three Lucians and stepped to the side. “Crowe, how long can you hold a fire spell?” he wanted to know.

His storm-sister tilted her head, thinking. “Long enough for this.”

She stepped forward and cupped her hands until they formed an improvised bowl in which she ignited a weak fire spell. It was nothing more than a few flames, but it would be enough.

“If you need to stop, I'll take over from you,” Nyx offered and Crowe shook her head.

“What is the meaning of this?” the Lord Shield demanded.

“Our histories need to be spoken in the presence of a fire. Otherwise they can be falsified. The fire's presence will ensure that every word spoken will be the truth and nothing but,” his storm-sister explained.

All eyes turned towards the Lucian King, who frowned, but nodded.

Nyx' gaze travelled towards Libertus, who didn't look happy about any of this at all, but cleared his throat nonetheless and started to speak, voice halting, as he searched for the right Lucian words.

Come, come closer to the fire and let me tell you a story. Listen well, for this is a story told to me by my mother and father, who were told by their mother and father back to a time when the Clans were at variance and the sea serpents still swam close to the surface.

At the end of the Wandering Years, when memory of Solheim was still fresh and our people were still hunted all the more for it, a child was born into the arms of the Ostium Clan. It was a boy with strong lungs and flailing arms, screaming his fury into the world. He was the first child born to Thermis and Querello Ostium and the only boy out of four.

The first sister was Tisiphone, who entered the world no two years after her brother had. Brown of hair and brown of eyes she was, with skin coloured like that of the Solheimr used to be. She was of the earth, steadfast and dependable.

Second came Apollaia with hair the colour of the moon and eyes the colour of the sun. Blessed by both heavenly bodies, her fate was to be a great one. Great, but also cruel, for greatness and the protection of sun and moon doesn't mean one remains unscathed on their journey.

And when the boy was seven and the sisters were six and three, their last sibling was born. Their parents named her Danaia, and her smile was the prettiest of them all.

The boy loved all of his sisters dearly, but the one he held most dear was Apollaia, for she had hair as pale as his own and even at her young age readily indulged him in his play-fighting. However, this was not the only reason he was closest to her.

“You must help her become strong,” his mother whispered to him at dusk when the Clan would rest from its day of wandering the marshes and hills. “Out of all four of you she will be in the most danger.”

“Apollaia is blessed by the sun and the moon, just like you are also moon-blessed,” his father explained patiently when the boy asked why this was so. “But those who bow to the Six think your sister cursed.”

“Why would they think her cursed?” the boy asked and his parents smiled at his curiosity.

Their only son had always been curious and Thermis and Querello indulged him readily in his thirst for knowledge, not knowing that it would play its part for what was to come.

Remember: a curious mind is a great gift, something to be cherished and nourished as long as it isn't taken too far.

“They believe the Pyreburner, he who was goaded into betrayal, can see through the sun coloured eyes of a human. To them the sun-blessed are agents to his will; to spread the all consuming fire into all corners of the world,” his parents answered.

“That's stupid,” the boy protested then. “Sun coloured eyes are a sign of Eos, of Healers and Protectors. Everybody knows this.”

“They chose to forget. A fear has taken hold of those who chose to kneel: the fear of what the Six would do to them should they remember.”

“Kneelers are stupid,” the boy declared.

His mother would laugh a laugh sounding like wind chimes and his father would nod while his pale moustache twitched in amusement, every time they had this conversation.

Years past and the siblings grew safely in the arms of the Ostium Clan. Tisiphone, steadfast and dependable, started to grow as strong in body as she had always been in character. Danaia, with her bright smile, loved to dance and sing when the flowers bloomed and by the firelight. And Apollaia and her brother were scarcely seen apart, always trying to learn something new, or daring each other into yet another adventure.

Years past and they were as safe and happy as they could be. But when the boy entered his twelfth year, when the last summer rains fell, it was decided that the Clan had grown too big to travel safely. Many contested this decision, for there is safety in numbers, true, but a big Clan during the Wandering Years also made a big target, made it difficult to stay hidden.

So split they did.

Five groups they were. One wandered north and west into the great grass plains of Duscae, one made their way to the south of Cleigne, the third stayed where they were and the forth wandered as far west as the land would let them. Thermis and Querello Ostium, along with all of their children and three others were the fifth group and the only one who wandered east into Leide.

Of those three two were the brothers of Querello and their names were Clades Drautos and Kaeso Khara. The third was Diasos Ostium, a distant cousin Thermis had taken in when his direct family had fallen to the hardships of their wandering.

Neither of the siblings took well to the split, least of all the only brother who clung all the fiercer to his sun-eyed sister. Many a night he raged against his parents and his father's brothers and brought his sisters to tears with his words.

And so their childhood happiness died with the warmth of the sun as winter began to make its march across the land.

For many seasons they wandered across Leide, hunted the wildlife, gathered what greens they could find and traded with those willing to let them near their settlements. These were nearly two years full of privations, for the plains of Leide were much harsher than the marshes and hills of Duscae they had wandered before.

During those near on two years Clades Drautos fell to the poisoned shadows when the Clan was driven out of yet another settlement. The Clan mourned and again the boy raged.

“Why do they have to hunt us like we are animals? Why can't we just make piece?” the boy cried out in grief as Apollaia with the sun coloured eyes, tried to console him.

No answer came for the boy that night or those that followed.

It was at the end of their second summer in the plains that the message reached them: A home had been found! A home where they could grow roots and be safe of prosecution.

But they weren't the only ones to hear that call and those who had knelt and bowed their heads towards the Six, renewed their efforts to hunt and kill the Free People.

An argument sparked between the adults of the eastern Ostium Clan. Between Kaeso Khara who wanted to stay and Thermis and Querello Ostium who wanted to leave.

“Think of the children!” Thermis cried when she thought her son and daughters asleep.

“Then leave and I will stay,” Kaeso argued.

“At least accompany us to the border, brother,” Querello pleaded. “We will need your strength against the poisoned shadows. Our children are strong, but I don't want them coming too close to those creatures ere they get sick.”

“Raiders and zealots have grown to such a number in the plains, we fear what they would do, should they catch sight of us. You are as strong with your blades as you are with your words. These skills would be invaluable for us until we reach the marshes,” the mother entreated in tears and Kaeso's hardened heart softened.

He agreed, for it was his brother in all but blood who asked him and the family of his family that was in danger.

Never did they make it over the border into Duscae, however. Only half a day's travel away from the marshes and hills, they were captured and taken to a town whose name has been lost. All but one of them were captured and thrown into the dungeons where they dwellt not in darkness, but in an ever shining light to keep the poisoned shadows away.

It was Diasos, who had been lucky enough to have been in search for a safe place to rest for the Clan, when they had been captured. And again the boy's temper reared as he cursed his cousin as the dungeon's doors closed behind him. Only did he stop when Apollaia begged him to cease with trembling hands that gripped his arm.

There were no windows to tell how many days they waited for their prosecutor to come. Sometimes food and water were brought by silent guards, but never enough and so the boy and his sisters saw their parents and their father's brother begin to waste away.

During this time the boy's mother would tell stories to distract the children from their fate. They were old stories her grandmother had told her, who herself had heard them from her own mother, who had seen Solheim with her own eyes when she had been barely more than a teenager.

Stories about the eternal flame that burned in the highest tower of the now sunken capital they were, of the songs of the sun priests and the fiery glimmer of the Emperor's crown, as he paraded through the streets.

Never did she tell the boy and his sisters of the war the Six had waged between themselves, or the day the earth shook and the sky burnt and everything that did not burn was drowned by the sea. Those were not tales for the hearts of children.

“Tell us the story about the blind woman that got locked away into the shadows by her own son,” the sun eyed daughter would demand every time her hunger was at its worst, and every time her mother would do as asked.

So their days went with hunger and thirst and stories as their companions, until finally someone came to talk to them. It wasn't a judge or a prosecutor or even an inquisitor, who came down to the dungeons, where the light was everlasting, but a girl.

Her name was Istar, daughter of the lord who reigned over the town the eastern Ostium Clan had been imprisoned in, and she came when all but the boy were asleep in their cells. What neither of them knew was that his sun eyed sister was also awake and listened to every word they said.

Apollaia, unable to sleep from worry and hunger, was startled out of her reverie of happier days, of laughter and sunshine and roughhousing in the mud, when she first heard the girl's voice.

“I think I finally managed to convince him,” Istar said, her voice pitched in a whisper that carried well trough the cells.

From the way the girl talked to Apollaia's brother, this wasn't the first time she had visited. The sun-eyed girl did not dare move, and dread filled her with every word her brother exchanged with the girl. He treated her, an outsider, a member of the people who hunted the Free People, like a friend.

“Are you sure?” the boy asked eagerly. “I would do near anything.”

“My father did not tell me what he plans to do, but he invited the priest and the judge to lunch this day and afterwards they spent hours in his study. It means that there is going to be an interrogation soon, and since you are the only people imprisoned right now, that would warrant a full questioning, he must have finally listened.”

The girl sounded so pleased with herself, and for a moment Apollaia would have loved to turn around to see what this girl looked like, but her brother spoke up again.

“Istar, that's great! I do not know how to thank you for this. Do you think if I – how did you call it? - testify, they won't harm my sister?”

“Why would my father want to do that? He's not the monster your parents try to convince you he is, you know?”

“Because she has golden eyes,” the boy whispered quietly, as if he feared the air itself could hear and betray him.

The girl gasped in shock and Apollaia did her very best not to give herself away. Her Clan had been so careful to not have those outside of their people learn of this. And now her own brother had given her greatest secret away, to people who thought her a bad omen and cursed.

The girl with the sun coloured eyes heard Kaeso, family of her family, shift in his sleep and all conversation ceased. There was only the rustling of cloth and silent footsteps on naked stone, followed by the sound of a door falling closed.

The boy came over to his favoured sister he thought sleeping, and stroked her moon coloured hair before he lay down to sleep. That night Apollaia did not sleep and when morning came everything changed.

When morning came it started with her mother's pleading as two of her children were dragged away. Apollaia did not look at her brother as they were taken out of the dungeon, for he had dealt her the worst of betrayals.

Remember: For the Ostium Clan, nothing is more important than their Clan and family, and should you be lucky enough to be counted amongst their most precious people, they will move the very earth to protect you. Steadfast, strong, dependable and true those of Clan Ostium are.

And the boy had betrayed his sister.

Both children were separated from each other and the girl with the sun coloured eyes was locked into a tiny cell, bare except for a window, and for the first time in what could have been days or weeks or months, she saw true sunlight again. She held her hands into the warm beam of light and cried in relief. Her skin had paled to the colour of the dry plains of Leide.

A sun-blessed should never be taken from the light, it is a folly that invites tragedy and fates worse than death.

She did not know for how long she was held there. Hours for certain. Sunlight wandered down the wall and over the floor and distracted her from her continuous worry over her Clan. The light had turned an afternoon bronze when the door was opened again and a man so heavily dressed in black, he could be mistaken for a shadow, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her towards a richly decorated room.

Carpets lay on the floor and tapestries hung from the wall, but Apollaia could not look closer, for she was pushed in front of a large table where four men sat.

Everything about them was the colour of wet sand, like it is common for those native to Leide; their hair, their eyes and their skin. Everything but their clothes.

“So this is her. Show me your eyes girl,” the one dressed as a priest of one of the Six demanded, and Apollaia was forced by the man dressed in shadows, to look at them.

Hungry and thirsty, tired and full of fear as she was, she did not struggle. For she was still nothing but a child of nine years and these were men grown.

“My daughter and the boy spoke truth,” one man, wearing the necklace of a lord, said.

And then Apollaia knew what had happened. Her brother had sold her out for his own safety and life. But she did not cry. Here she stood in the sun and as long as the sun touched her she was protected, her mother had told her every time she had been afraid. And because the moon had also given its blessing, the night could not truly harm her either.

Thus were her thoughts as she was brought back into the tiny cell where water and bread awaited her.

And that night Apollaia slept safely enclosed in the arms of the moonlight and protected by the Guardian of Dreams.

The girl with the golden eyes rose with the sun, as she always did. She had no one to pray to, neither the Six nor ancestors or spirits, but she did not know, if she would survive the day and so she thanked sun and moon for their blessing and protection before the man dressed in shadows came again to take her away.

This time she did not return to the dungeon or the decorated room, but was taken to a large town's square where four stakes had been erected upon a large pyre. Her Clan was also there, pent-up in a cage on a wagon and wrought in chains. In the sun Apollaia could see that her father's pale hair had turned grey.

Iron manacles were clasped around her wrists, ere she was locked in with her Clan. All were there, but her brother. Her mother had cried many times in the dungeon, but now here eyes were dry and her face as grim as her father's and Kaeso Khara's. Her sisters crowded around her and she knew that this would be the last time she would see Tisiphone, steadfast and dependable like the earth, and Danaia, graceful and pretty like a desert flower.

A priest – the same she had seen before – stepped in front of the crowd that hushed in exited anticipation, and spoke: “Hear, good people, of what I have to say in the name of the Gods who have spared us in their mercy, and our good Lord. We have gathered here today to see justice done against great crimes committed against our Gods. Captured here, like the animals they are, we have the heretics that refuse to see the light granted to us.”

The people in the crowd roared their agreement and slurs that shall not be repeated here, began to fly until the priest held up his hand and it grew silent again.

“Since the Fall of the great Solheim they have been a bane to our people and now it is time for them to face the consequences of their actions. It has been decided by the Gods and the Lord of our good town, that the men known as Querello Ostium and Kaeso Khara, along with the woman known as Thermis Ostium, be given the Infernian's justice and be burned at the stake.”

Apollaia could feel her mother shake, as she clutched all her daughters close to her, but her hands were steady as they carded through pale and brown hair. Thermis Ostium held her head high, for she was like all of her Clan, strong and immovable like a mountain, and no human could make her bend.

The priest continued: “The oldest among the children, the boy, has experienced the insight the Gods grant us and has renounced his name. He has sworn to follow the Astrals in all their decisions and to never stray from the path they have lain out for him. Henceforth he shall be known as Gilgamesh, servant to Bahamut the Draconian.”

Again the crowd screamed their approval, as they had with every sentence spoken. And the girl with the sun coloured eyes felt part of her heart die, as what she had feared became reality.

“The oldest girl, known as Tisiphone Ostium, shall be granted the mercy of the garotte before she, too, shall be given the Infernian's justice. The second girl, known as Apollaia Ostium, shall be freed of her curse, her eyes blinded, before she is to be given into the Hydraean's embrace. The youngest shall be given to the temple, where she is to be raised in the right ways, in the hope her tainted blood may be purged. Henceforth she shall be known as Samhat.”

Her parents, Kaeso and Apollaia's elder sister were dragged towards the pyre, and she forced herself to witness with her sun coloured eyes as the executioner stepped behind her sister, wound a cord around her neck and strangled her to death.

For the first and only time in her life Apollaia wished the Pyreburner, he who was goaded into betrayal, could truly see through her eyes, so that he may burn every last person in the crowd that cheered, as Tisiphone, steadfast and dependable, struggled and died. She wished they all burn as the executioner set fire to the wood of the pyre, she wished the town would turn to nothing but ashes as the heat grew unbearable and she had to avert her eyes, as her family started to scream.

She cursed the boy that had been her brother, Gilgamesh the Betrayer, as they ripped her younger sister from her arms. She prayed for the sun to rain fire as she heard her sister cry and beg, but she could do nothing.

Nothing but pray.

“Fire!” a voice suddenly called. “The town is burning!”

And as the crowd panicked, trampled the old and frail and young in their desire to flee, Apollaia knew her prayers had been answered. She stood in the cage upon the wagon and watched as thick, black smoke darkened the sky, listened as the people screamed and felt her Clan avenged.

Then she saw something strange out of the corner of her eyes. A person that did not run from the town's square, but towards her. Through the thick soot covering his face, she nearly did not recognize him. It was her cousin, Diasos Ostium.

It was him, who had lain fire to the town, when everybody had been out to see the execution like blood starved sabertusks. It was him, who had killed the guard that held the keys to her cage and the manacles, in the chaos and confusion, and it was him, who slung her over his shoulders and ran out into the plains.

They would not reach Galahd for many years to come, but that is a story for another time.

So ends the story of the boy who became Gilgamesh, told from the mouth of Apollaia Ostium herself with fire and sun as her witness.

Deafening silence reigned within the throne room.

Crowe cancelled the fire spell, a thin sheet of sweat glistered upon her forehead. Everybody other than Libertus and Pelna looked shaken and pale, especially the Galahkari.

“This cannot be true. Do you have any evidence for this, Lord Ostium?” the Lord Shield demanded, though his voice had grown hoarse.

“Evidence?” Libertus exclaimed. “I just told you one of my Clan's secrets and all you can think of is to demand evidence?!”

The Lord Shield opened his mouth and closed it again. He looked like he desperately needed to sit down and it was only his own stubbornness that kept him upright.

The King said nothing, casting his unreadable gaze over them before turning towards his Shield, worried. The Amicitia shook his head.

“True or not, I recognize that bead. It is one Gilgamesh wore,” General Leonis declared.

All this time his icy glaze had never left the bead Libertus had tied to his new battle axe with strands of long, pale hair.

That comment got everybody's attention.

“How do you know that?” Libertus demanded.

“I was a reckless kid with something to prove,” the General said like that was all the explanation needed.

“You're the one who cut his arm off,” Ladone realized.

“Yes,” was the bland reply.

Nyx fought the urge to laugh, though he could still feel his shoulders shake. The thought of his hunting-brother adopting Cor Leonis of all people, into the Ostium Clan was hilarious. Poor Libertus was probably eating his words right now. He certainly looked like it.

“This bead is an old Ostium Clan bead. The one known as Gilgamesh forsook all rights wearing them when he betrayed his family for a life in service to the Astrals,” his hunting-brother spoke, voice rough from talking for so long and his turbulent emotions.

And it was true. Beads may be plain nowadays, but both Gilgamesh's and the one Libertus wore in his hair, were made out of a green shimmering, black serpentinite. The Lord Shield made a sound as if he were choking.

“My line comes directly from his. It is his teachings we strife to follow and to archive. We protect those we swore ourselves to.”

“I know,” Libertus asserted, voice and face solemn now. “If things had been different we may have been Clan.”

Something passed between the two men. Something that felt like silent understanding. Nyx couldn't understand it. But then, he thought, the Ostium and the Amicitia may not be one Clan or the same people anymore, but they were still of the same blood. And blood held its own kind of power.

“You succeeded at the trials, I can feel it,” the Lord Shield declared.

“And what if I did?” Libertus wanted to know, teeth bared in a parody of a grin. It twisted his taped wound grotesquely.

“It makes you a royal Shield to the ones you swore to protect,” he said.

The Amicitia looked at Nyx and sketched a bow of respect. Nyx gaped in surprise. What the fuck? Clarus Amicitia had always been one of the more distrusting people against them, though he came from a source of worry about his charge. Which was better than most others, but still a pain in the ass.

“This has certainly been very enlightening. Thank you, Shield Ostium, for your trust-” Nyx really wanted to snort at this one. Being pressured into telling a secret had nothing to do with trust- “and I thank you, King Ulric, for your honesty and your patience with us. If all are in agreement, we will adjourn for today and come together to negotiate at a later date. We all should take this opportunity to rest and ponder what we have learned.”

“Of course, your Majesty. Thank you,” Nyx said with a nod and following an impulse, he raised his right hand towards his left collarbone in a Galahdian greeting, one hunter to another, before turning around and marching out of the throne room.

He could hear the others following him in silence. Curious eyes followed them until they were back in Little Galahd.

[kristallioness]

2016 | 2017 | 2018

*quietly sneaks back in*... Happy New THIS Year, my dear followers! In Estonia, we have this saying that if you wish someone a 'happy new year' after Three Kings' Day (the 6th of January), you gotta have a bottle of alcohol with you and give them a drink. *lol*

Anyways, I would like to apologize for the sudden disappearance that happened prior to Christmas. I was just busy travelling back home for the holidays, unpacking and putting away my stuff, watching some great, traditional movies or shows on TV, and most importantly, working on those 2 latest masterpieces that I posted (which barely got 30 notes each.. *sigh*).

But as you can (and probably will) see, the year of the yellow earth pig (i.e. my dad's year) was a rollercoaster of emotions and accomplishments, or lacking thereof.

My creative side seems to have suffered the most due to lack of leisure time. I only managed to finish 3 full digital drawings and left behind several sketches or unfinished WIPs (2 of which are revealed here under the months of June and November for the first time, I intend to finish the Korrasami one btw). At least I got to start 2020 with a completed drawing on the very 1st day, ha-ha! Perhaps that's a good omen for this year?

If so, then I hope I'll find the time to finish the rest of the 2019 Inktober prompts, since I only did 4/31 this past October (even though I'd thought of ideas for all of them). I brought all the necessary drawing utensils and sheets of paper with me, so whenever I'm in the mood, I'll try to sketch another one.

*calculates for the nth time*.. I wrote 18,110 words worth of fanfiction, plus 820 words for the UYLD prompts (making the total 18,930). Technically, you can count another 8k+ in there, since it comes from that unfinished story (of Aang taking care of a flu-ridden Katara, as illustrated by the September sketch), which I haven't finished within the last 4 months or so. Plus, I barely wrote 1/5 of the amount compared to 2018.. *hides in shame*

Then again, I was an excellent pupil for picking up an actual book and reading through 150+ pages (which means I have ~300 pages to go). I'm talking about the new Kyoshi novel that came out. As I once said, I haven't voluntarily read a book in years make that 2 years ago (most of the reading I've done in my life is either Tom & Jerry comics, now the Avatar comic trilogies and art books as well as fanfiction online, or compulsory reading during school). But this novel is freaking fantastic superb!

Not only that, I bought all the new comic trilogies and managed to read them through. Damn, did they give me feels.. especially "Ruins of the Empire" (ngl I squeed so hard when I saw the Korrasami farewell kiss on the 1st page of the 2nd part). I can't wait to read the 3rd part this year!

However, I failed to rewatch Avatar last year, and I haven't seen Korra since.. 2016, I believe? Wow, that's 4 whole years.. But I intend to fix that mistake starting from 2020. Hopefully I'm in the mood to start my rewatch this weekend tonight. *fingers crossed*

But as I said, I had much less time to focus on my hobbies since 2019 was the year for finally moving on with my life (sort of, I'm still working on it). I still remember how down I'd been feeling for a while and how valid those emotions really were. The first quarter of the year (+ like a month or two) was a continuous descent into desperation and feelings of utter failure, which already started around the 2nd half of 2018 and only continued to deepen around that time.

Everything began to change when I was first chosen to be part of a 2-month summer internship in an IT company, and I had to start building a new nest in a new location in Tallinn this May. And now, I feel like I've hit the jackpot by getting a permanent job in another IT company this October.

I got the opportunity to work in two different fields, in two different teams within a year. I met some awesome colleagues (a lot of whom are foreigners) and got the chance to really put my English skills to the test.

Thanks to the new job, I also had to go to a free health check, which went really-really well. Despite my nervousness in the beginning, I feel much more relaxed about my physical (and mental) health, cause the results showed that everything's okay (something I'd been worried about since March 2017).

Speaking of health or staying healthy, there were a few sports events that I went to, too. Our team held the first winter team event (it was the first one for me, at least) by going to do archery in a range on the outskirts of the capital.

I watched the football match between 2 teams of our local league at my hometown together with my dad on his birthday. Our home team won the match and came in 4th place overall in the league this year, which is their best result so far (I'm really proud!). And merely days before I started work, I visited the Tallinn International Horse Show for the first time (also with my dad). I last got to watch horses jump over fences or dance to their musical programs ~ 10 years ago, and I loved it!

Event-wise 2019 was pretty full of them. As has become tradition, I went to the Defence Forces parade on our 101st Independence Day (which seemed rather bleak compared to the centennial, even more so since we didn't have ANY snow at the time).

What will hopefully become new traditions, I visited the television tower on the Restoration of Independence Day (where Uku Suviste gave a free concert in the evening), and went to the Veteran's Rock concert (to honour our war veterans) on our Freedom Square on the 23rd of April (since I'm residing in the capital now, I should be able to go again this year).

To continue with the centennial celebrations (yes, some things are STILL turning 100), I saw and explored inside the armoured train no. 7 called "Wabadus" ("Freedom") in the Baltic Station. This armoured train was one of the keys that led our country to victory during the War of Independence from 1918-1920.

There was an even bigger (150th) anniversary to celebrate in the beginning of July, when I attended our Song and Dance Festival. This was a really important, if not the biggest event of the year. I intend to make a longer post about my experience, cause it's something that you foreigners need to see for yourself. I can't simply describe or put it into words, I have to show you some videos and photos.

But while we're on the topic of concerts, I should mention that I went to 2 more at the beginning of June - Bon Jovi and Sting - as well as 2 that were part of Christmas tours in December - Elina Nechayeva and Rolf Roosalu.

Besides that, I went to 6 different festivals, half of which I'd been to several times before, such as the Türi Flower Fair, Jäneda Farm Days (where I went on my first helicopter ride for my 25th birthday present) and the Christmas market in the Old Town of Tallinn.

The other half is comprised of festivals that I'd been considering going to for a while, or which took place for the first time. The latter applies to the Black Food Festival, whereas the "Valgus Kõnnib" ("Wandering Lights") and the duck rally, both of which took place in Kadriorg, fall under the first category.

The duck rally is a charity event held in the beginning of June. Regular people can buy at least one (or several) rubber bath duckies for different prices, which will then be dumped into a tiny stream that'll carry them towards the finish line. This event has grown more popular each year, and the money the Estonian Association of Parents of Children with Cancer (sorry, long name in English!) collects is donated to the Cancer Treatment Fund.

*wipes forehead*.. Phew! I'm surprised, that's a whole lotta positivity for 2019. I think there's one more important, but seriously negative topic I haven't covered yet, but I feel should be mentioned and explained.

When it comes to politics, 2019 was a complete disaster for us. EKRE (Eesti Konservatiivne Rahvaerakond in Estonian, or Estonia's Conservative People's Party in English) i.e. our populist/nazi/pro-Trump party is in the government as of April 2019, thanks to 100,000+ idiots (out of our population of 1.3 million) who voted for them and gave them 19/101 seats in the Parliament.

No, I am NOT going to apologize for calling them a nazi party, because their main leaders have repeatedly supported ideology that's common to nazis (they use aggressive rhetoric, blame the media for making them look bad, downgrade women, minorities, are racist, anti-semitic etc...). And I will not apologize in front of the people who voted for them, because "thanks" to this, EKRE has dragged our country's reputation straight through a mud puddle (not to mention the scandals that have accompanied 5 of their ministers, 3 of who have THANKFULLY stepped down from their positions) and.. *swears like the British*.. it's BLOODY EMBARRASSING.

I am done being nice, I have at least some kind of prejudice about anyone who supports them or their ideals. And I will certainly not let Estonia end up like America. So that is why I participated in two protest events against EKRE and our current government (because the 2 other parties, who were willing to form the coalition with them, are spineless jellyfish that simply seek to hold onto their current positions of power). I'm willing to take bets as to when our government falls (the sooner the better).

*shakes off the frustration*.. Brrr! So besides that, I guess the only downside to 2019 was my spare time falling back in the list of priorities (which shows in the empty square of July).

2020 is gonna be the year of the white metal rat. I can only hope (and take action so) that it'll be just as eventful, and much more creative than 2019. Thank you all for following me (or lurking anonymously) for so long, especially to the bloggers who've offered me support through better or worse! *raises a glass* Here's to 2020!.. *sip*

[ohjohnno]

Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E08 (”My Dearest Foe”)

Well, now I see why I didn’t remember what happened in this episode. The answer, it turns out, is nothing much. This isn’t technically a filler episode - a couple of important new characters are introduced, and a plot thread is introduced at the end that will continue through just about the whole rest of the show - but the actual events of the episode are mostly inconsequential. Accordingly, I won’t spend too much time on ‘em here.

The first plot concerns Cheryl, who has now taken up a job at an insurance company. Nobody except her is especially happy with this - insurance companies, we’re informed, are “the scum of the Earth” - but Cheryl seems to like it. 

Things, alas, are not as they seem. The branch Cheryl works for turns out to be running a neat little scam, the girls there all approving each others’ bogus insurance claims; the boss lady, Penny, has been overseeing it thus far, but is looking to move on and wants Cheryl to be her replacement. She only hired her, it turns out, because of who she was, and Cheryl is quietly exasperated; no matter how she tries, she can’t seem to outrun her past. Penny also suggests that another reason she hired her was because she thinks of her as a kindred spirit in having been victimized by a terrible man; Cheryl’s not overly enthused with that suggestion either.

After a little deliberation, she turns down the offer. Penny didn’t expect that, and now fears that she’s told Cheryl enough to make her a threat; she tries to ship her off to a different branch in a place called “Pakuranga” (apparently way off elsewhere in Auckland). Cheryl, feeling betrayed, indulges in a bit of the old family tradition and steals her car, pawning it off to pay some maintenance bills; Penny fires her, and that, one might think, would be the end of it. But Penny, in a fit of pique, calls the cops on Cheryl over a stolen item she spotted in their house one time, and after an incredibly bored visit from Judd and Hickey (who have much better things to be doing), she pays Penny another visit, telling her in no uncertain terms to leave her the fuck alone before she has her friends rob the pants off her and everyone else in the office. Penny backs down.

“For your information, I’m nobody’s victim,” she tells her. Hmm. No comment.

The other main plot concerns Pascalle, and there’s barely anything there. She gets a call from the modeling agency she got registered at before she left the strip club, and they’re considering her for a charity shoot about animals. While in the waiting room, she bumps into a girl named Chantel Lazenby, a fellow model with the agency who also used to be a schoolmate. She used to be very fat, apparently, but she certainly isn’t anymore, and Van is of the belief that she’s “a dyke” (mostly because she rejected his advances once). What follows is an extremely low-stakes rivalry between the two as they both attempt to get the modelling job, mostly involving Pascalle and Chantel having a couple of glorified drinking contests and a few silly lesbian jokes. Eventually, Chantel is successful, and Pascalle is left in the dust, bitterly assuring herself that “Chantel was fat once, and you can’t escape genetics.”

That’s really it, as far as plots go. Doesn’t sound like enough to fill up an episode, does it? Well, it really isn’t - and it doesn’t. The rest of the episode is filled, mostly, with little things; interactions between various characters that have little plot significance but are fun to watch anyway. They’re the meat of this episode, and they make it a lot more likable than such an inconsequential episode really has any right to be.

For a start, Loretta - perhaps thanks to the success of her atrocity last episode - is in the very best mood we’ve ever seen her in the show so far; she’s bubbly and perky, grinning constantly, cracking jokes at everyone’s expense at the speed of light while making herself a constant nuisance for Cheryl, and, as much as I kinda hate to admit it considering what a monster she’s proven herself to be, she is absolutely delightful. We also learn that she’s one of those film nerds who considers Showgirls to be an underrated masterpiece, although she might just be teasing Van there.

There’s a running joke involving a big wooden cuckoo clock that Van (at Loretta’s behest) bought Cheryl for her birthday; it’s an ugly old thing, and it turns out to be stolen (not surprising, since Van bought it from Eric), and Cheryl hates it, which of course means Loretta completely loves it, repeatedly putting it back up on the wall every time Cheryl takes it down. “It’s a battle of wills,” she says, and it’s both hilarious and kind of oddly adorable. Also, lest we forget, Loretta having the idea to get Cheryl a present in the first place is significant - there’s a heart in there after all, it turns out, even if it behaves very strangely sometimes.

We also learn that she used to be great at Irish dancing, which will eventually be important (though not for a very long time). Elsewhere, we find Ted dealing with the fallout from last episode in his own way: poker, at the Wests’ dining table. He’s joined, over the course of the episode, by Munter (which is significant, since that makes this the first time he’s done anything plot-wise that isn’t related to Van), Eric (who’s still upset over Cheryl leaving the crime business), a new character called Falani (a very large, very crooked Samoan mechanic who will become a major supporting character eventually, and who also fixes Cheryl’s car this episode), and eventually Rochelle (who you may remember from episode four). It’s pretty high-stakes for them - they’re all playing for money - but it’s very low-stakes for the viewer, and it is also, possibly, the best part of the entire episode. 

Nothing much happens because nothing much needs to. It’s oddly relaxing to watch, actually; just a bunch of nice, simple jokes about an odd cast of various bogans playing poker against each other, subtly revealing things about themselves in the process. Falani goes on lengthy monologues about his skill at making love to his wife, but proves markedly less skilled at the patient, analytical art of the game; Munter is remarkably laid-back, enjoying softly making fun of Falani’s bad luck perhaps more than the game itself; Eric is perpetually grumpy, except when he disappears into the West bathroom and decides, for some reason, to try on some of Pascalle’s moisturizer (possibly thinking it’s Cheryl’s), which is hilarious; Rochelle is arrogant and remarkably skilled. But none of them are as good as Ted, who cleans them all out with aplomb, rarely speaking or changing his facial expression. “I feel much better now,” he says to Cheryl at one point; Cheryl isn’t so enthused with all these bums lazing around her house, but she can see his point.

Ted, at one point, has a one-on-one chat with Cheryl, noting with neither praise nor condemnation how the Wests “have never been much good at what you might call actual jobs”. We’ll see how that statement ages. Wolf turns up just long enough to justify Grant Bowler’s paycheck, his scene pretty much pointless except for how funny it is; he baked her a birthday cake, apparently, but when a car failure prevented her from arriving at the prison to pick it up “it got eaten”, and now he doesn’t want to talk about it, moping like a teenage boy behind the prison desk. 

There’s two sides to this show, basically, and this episode is the lighter one. It’s all very low-stakes and very whimsical, and if that means nothing much of consequence happens, well, that’s okay. We get to see the three West children who still live at home laughing and having fun with each other, their lives all mostly tranquil for once, giving us something of a control group for when things start to go wrong. We see the West household in a moment of peace, nothing particularly awful happening to it, nothing calamitous getting in the way of the atmosphere. It’s nice. I like it.

There’s one more thing. In this episode, we’re introduced to Kacey, an old friend of Cheryl’s with “shit taste in blokes” (her words) and a passion for designing undergarments. She talks, at first, of starting up a business, and eventually, having lost her latest job, Cheryl agrees to join her in her venture. The results from this pairing will last a very long time indeed, and Kacey will end up becoming an extremely significant character. That’s all yet to come, though.

This episode also has possibly my favorite ending to any of the less important Outrageous Fortune episodes ever. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. Man, this show could be funny when it wanted to. And here, for the most part, that’s all it wants to do. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. After the last episode, it’s nice to have a breather. As I recall, actual important stuff kicks in again next episode. I will see you then.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Their Hero Academia: Chapter 13

Raw and unedited (especially until I get Chapters 14-16 written to upload along with it), but I finished the 1st draft tonight and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. Especially with switching to some new protagonists. Chapters 0-12 can be found here:

Their Hero Academia – Chapter 13: Takuma Sero Makes a Show of It

If there was one thing Takuma Sero liked about living in the dorms, it was the sense of privacy. Sure, there were fifteen other people living in the dorms, three others on his floor, but compared to his home, that was nothing.  Between his parents, his three younger brothers, and baby sister, there was always somebody trying to butt into whatever he was doing.  At least on his floor, all he had was his best bro Kenta Sato. Daisuke Shoji simply kept his head down and Takiyo Aoyama had made it clear early on he had no interest in “whatever nonsense you two are getting up to.”

As if trying to become the next internet sensations was nonsense.

Which reminded him… he really ought to check their hit counter.  With Kirishima-Bakugo out of the cafeteria yesterday, he’d actually been free to host a new round of “Will Sato Eat It?” without fear of being exploded or having her tear his arms off.  He was actually pretty certain she wouldn’t do the last part.  Their parents had been friends for decades and he was on reasonably good terms with her most of the time.  But yesterday had been pretty impressive as far as the game went. Kenta had eaten a soup bowl, a baseball, a rock, and a tire that someone had somehow managed to get into the cafeteria.

Kenta’s dad had broken it up after that, with a threat to report their antics to Aizawa if they kept doing it.  And Kenta had gotten a talking to from his dad later on about irresponsible Quirk use and making a spectacle of himself.   At least the elder Sato had learned the futility of trying to rat them out to Takuma’s parents.  His mom was one of the most Instagram-famous Pro-Heroes in the business.  She actively encouraged his aspirations.  His dad was just vaguely puzzled by the whole thing and just let his mom take the lead.

Checking the video upload, he found that the hit counter was already in the thousands.  Wisely, he opted not to look at the comments.   It was like his mom always said, “Never read the comments.”   Sure, you got a validation high from some of it, but there were way too many trolls and mudslingers to make it worth it.

Takuma broke into a grin. “Yeah, we’re gonna be famous. Just you see.  Heroes and entertainment sensations.”

He checked the time and found he still had nearly an hour before class.  Plenty of time to finish getting ready.  There was also the matter of homework he hadn’t quite completed, but he could probably copy the answers from somebody, at least enough to squeak by. Math was going to be the death of him. He understood numbers well enough, but once you started getting letters involved with numbers, his brain just refused to track any of it.  It had nearly sunk his entrance exam score, but he’d managed to just barely pass that. A good practical exam score had done wonders for making up the difference.

Twenty minutes later, he was out of his room and ready to go.  He did not have the world’s most developed fashion sense (much to the regret of Kimiko Ojiro, his other best friend, who had declared him “the worst gay best friend ever”), but he had an entertainer’s sense for showmanship in his appearance.  He spotted Kenta coming out of his room and gave him a double finger guns.

“Sixty-five hundred hits in less than twenty-four hours, my man!”

“All right!” Kenta said, giving him a fist bump.  “That’s twice as many as the last video!”   He let out a burp and clutched his stomach.

“You okay, man?” Takuma asked.

Kenta shook his head and burped again.  “Heartburn and indigestion.  Dad says just because I can get anything doesn’t mean I should.”  He grinned, thick lips pulling back to reveal his perfectly white teeth.  “But I say it’s a small price to pay for being famous.”

“More famous in your case,” Takuma told him.  Kenta was already a good bit famous from all the times he appeared in pictures and his stories on his father’s “Food and Family” blog. According to his mom, it was crazy popular with single moms.

Kenta waved it off. “That’s really Dad’s thing.  This is ours!”

Takuma was about to begin discussions of the plans for their next video when he was distracted by the sight of Daisuke Shoji walking back to his rooms, clearly having come from the showers.  The six-armed boy was only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, his silver hair still damp, and a small about of moisture still visible on the muscles of his arms and abs.  He nodded politely to Takuma and Kenta on his way back to his room.  Takuma kept watching until Shoji’s door closed.

His trace was broken by Kenta giving him a small shove.  “You okay there, bud?  Kind of went away for a little while?”

He sighed.  “Why are the hot ones always straight?”

Kenta gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.  “Hey, there’s lots of other guys at U.A.  You’ll find somebody.  Or you could always try online dating?”

Takuma made a face. “I’m not that desperate.”

Anything further was interrupted by his and Kenta’s phones buzzing.  Both checked and he saw they had identical texts from the school’s emergency alert system.

Homeroom has been cancelled.  All first-year students should report to the Gran Torino Memorial Auditorium at 0800.

Kenta gave him a curious look.

“Don’t look at me, man,” he said quickly.  “I haven’t broken any rules that would cause a grade level assembly.”

“This school year,” Kenta said.  “I still can’t believe the time you…”

“Don’t remind me.  I’m still barely out of being grounded for that.”

“I think that was the first time I ever actually saw your parents punish you.”

“Oh, would you look at the time, we should really be getting to the Auditorium!”

***

“Any idea what this is about, Takuma?” Kimiko asked. He assumed she was looking at him, but honestly, even after having known her all his life, it was hard to tell.

He shook his head. “Beats the heck out of me.”

All around, the other seats in the Auditorium were filling up with the first year students.  There were the three Heroics classes, three General Ed classes, three Support classes, and three Business and Management classes.   Sixteen students each in the Heroics, twenty in each of the others, for one hundred eight students total left the auditorium about half full.  

Down on the stage, he could see the majority of the teaching staff.  There were the three Heroics Homeroom teachers, Aizawa, Super Ball, and Battle Fist.  There was Power Loader, the aging director of the Support courses.  Word around campus was that he was considering retirement after experiencing the Iida Twins.  And there was FireFox, their math teacher; Hawkeye, their English teacher; Figure Sk8, the dark-haired daughter of the Twins and Izumi’s uncle and aunt, who taught their Science classes; Palette, the paint-themed Art History teacher; and Hopper, Tokoyami’s uncle and their Literature teacher.  There Hound Dog, the school counselor, Vice-Principal Midnight, and even Kenta’s dad.   He also spotted Doctor Izumi sitting with her husband, Kota, the Rescue Hero and Rescue Instructor called Water Spout (or, at his mom embarrassingly always referred to him, “the first man to see me naked”) There was also All Might, and several teachers he didn’t know, who he presumed taught some of the classes taken by the other courses.  Whatever this was about, they were taking it very seriously.

And slowly approaching the podium, leaning heavily on his cane, was Principal Nezu.  Takuma wasn’t sure if he was a rat or a bear or possibly some kind of creature from Australia (or was it Austria?  Whichever one had the kangaroos.  Those were real, right?), but he understood that the old animal was crazy smart.  He’d guided U.A. through some of its roughest years and managed to still come out on top.

“I am sorry to interrupt your usual class schedule,” Nezu began.  “I know your studies are of great importance to you all.  But after the events of the last few days, both here at our school and elsewhere, we have been made aware of events which you all deserve to know.  The Center for Quirk Research is expected to make a statement later this morning, but we thought it might be best if comes from us.”

He took in a breath and continued.  “The CQR has discovered, working in conjunction with several Pro-Heroes, the existence of a virus which causes the victim to lose control of their Quirk.  It appears the Quirk is… man made.”

Any side conversations that had been going on were immediately silenced.

Nezu went on.  “After an as yet unknown incubation period, it causes a power-flare up during which time the user’s Quirk will activate out of their control.  This lack of control appears to last an indefinite amount of time, but appears to be a onetime flare up.  Unfortunately, even as the number of cases are growing, information is scarce.  There appear to be no obvious early symptoms and we are unsure how the virus is being transmitted. At this time, it appears that only Emitter and Transformation type Quirks are effected.”

A ripple went through the crowd as the full impact of the Principal’s statement took effect. Anything that could do that is dangerous indeed.  From the time they were young, they’d always been taught about the importance of controlling their Quirks.  And now something could just take that away…

“That’s…   that’s not good,” Takuma said.  Absently, he rubbed the patches on his right hand where his Acid Tape came from.  His Quirk was technically a Mutation type, since he had slightly different physical structures to allow for it.  But his mom was an Emitter type, so were many of his friends.  So were a lot of people out there in the world.  And there were lots of people out there with really powerful Quirks.   What if somebody like Ground Zero or Deku caught this thing?

“We’re… we’re okay,” he heard Kimiko say.  “Not… not like I can get more invisible.”

“Hey,” Kenta said, “it’s gonna be okay.  People’re smart.  They’ll get this figured out.”  Kenta’s dad was an Emitter type too, he recalled, even if Kenta’s own Quirk was a very minor Mutant type.

Nezu continued, “We are able to run tests for the virus and will be doing screening following this assembly.  However, as there are no tell-tale symptoms prior to manifestation, we urge you to talk to your teachers or Doctor Izumi should you have any concerns.  We will be doing everything we can to protect you, which includes providing you as with much of your usual structure as possible. Classes, including Heroics courses, will continue as normal.  Rest assured, everyone is doing everything they can to get to the bottom of this. But at this point, cases are isolated and sporadic.  We advise caution, but there is no need to panic.”

Takuma made it a point to never take life seriously.  But for once, that didn’t seem like such a good idea.

***

“You heard what the Principal said,” Aizawa said, after they had returned to the classroom.  “The moment you feel anything out of the ordinary or even suspect that something might be wrong, I expect you to tell me or another teacher.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, Mister Aizawa,” the class said, nearly as one.

“Good,” Aizawa said. “Now, we are going to proceed as normally as possible.  Which means we have a little bit of business to settle.  Choose a class representative.  I don’t care how.”   He zipped himself into his sleeping bag and disappeared behind his desk.

“Well,” Midoriya said, “I think we should probably vote on it?”

“I vote Toshi!” Shota Shinso cried out.

“Toshi,” Asuka Tokoyami agreed.

“I’ve got to go with Midoriya too,” Isamu Haimawari said.

“Toshi has my vote as well,” Izumi Todoroki added.

“Guys… Shouldn’t this be a secret ballot?” Midoriya asked quickly.

“Too late now,” Takuma said. “Besides, I think we all know you’re gonna win it.”

As much as he loved the spotlight, he loathed responsibility.  Better Midoriya than him any day.  Besides, it would take away from his own pursuits.  And Midoriya really was good at taking charge and helping people who needed it.  Guy wanted to help the whole world, even more than the average Hero-in-Training.

“Personally, I think moi would be best,” Takiyo Aoyama said.

“Oh, give it up, Frenchie,” Mika Mineta told him.  “Midoriya’s definitely the best shot at this.”

“I fear I must agree with the rest,” Akaya Koda told Aoyama.  She really seemed to be one of the few people who could stand the arrogant blond for more than a few minutes.  She must have had the patience of a saint.

“Going with Midoriya here too,” Kenta said.

“Yep, me too,” Chihiro Kaminari added.  “And Tokoyami for vice-rep while we’re at it.”

“I like those ideas!” Kimiko said.  “Both of them!”

“Makes sense to me,” Shoji said.

“This is highly against protocol,” Tensei Iida said.  “But I cannot argue with the consensus either.”

“My younger brother is correct,” Sora Iida said.  “I agree with the conclusions drawn.”

“You really must stop using that qualifier!  I am only younger by three minutes!”

“It is scientifically accurate!  Do you dispute this?”

“It is needlessly semantic, and yet I cannot argue with the precision!”

“If I agree, will it shut them up?” Katsumi Kirishima-Bakugo asked.

Motion was carried. Midoriya and Tokoyami were their class reps.

Takuma belatedly realized that probably gave them some kind of power of his and Kenta’s antics, but that was their problem, not his.  Besides, it was worth it to see Aoyama pout.

***

“Hua-whah!” Even though Takuma had practiced swinging from building to building by using his Acid Tape many times with his dad, doing it always made him feel like his stomach was going to flop out of his mouth.  It didn’t help that his Quirk was more complicated than his dad’s.   The elder Sero only had to think about shooting out his Tape until it hit something.  Takuma’s Acid Tape meant that he had to be continually concentrating both on dispensing more tape and on maintaining the properties.  Since he could make it anything from slick to sticky to acidic, that meant he had to do a lot more concentrating.  And doing that while ten stories up made it all the more problematic.

Even if it was supposed to be a simple Heroics exercise in cityscape navigation.  All they had to do was make it from one end of the faux-cityscape as quickly as they could.  For quite a few, like Kimiko, Kenta, or Koda, there wasn’t much more they could do than run as fast as they could.  Others were doing a much more impressive job.  Midoriya was bouncing with leaps that were easily carrying him, the Iida Twins were blasting through the air, and Haimawari was zipping through the streets. And somehow, Kirishima-Bakugo had gotten herself up on the rooftops and was parkouring herself through the course.

Takuma let himself go flying through the air for a moment, before shooting out another strand of Acid Tape.  It stuck to the fire escape and as he began to swing, he could feel something go wrong. With a sickening sound of tearing metal, the piece of the fire escape he had snagged with his tape snapped and broke, sending him falling!

He shot out another strand of Acid Tape, trying to save himself, but instead of snagging a lower portion of the fire escape, it melted right through it.  He’d made it too acidic!  He was gonna die!  He was never gonna reach a million followers!  Involuntarily, he felt his eyes close.

And just as suddenly, powerful arms caught him and he was rising.  So he was dead then, and the angels were carrying him away.  Good-bye world, he only regretted that he not let more of you gaze upon his awesomeness…

“Are you all right, Sero?” a voice asked.  “I was afraid I would not be able to match your falling speed without causing you injury, but I believe I was able to calculate something close enough…”

An angel who apparently sounded just like Tensei Iida.  He chanced opening his eyes and the first thing he saw was himself, reflected in the chest plate of Iida’s costume.  Looking up, he saw a silver helmet.  Definitely Iida.  Which meant he wasn’t dead?  He was alive! He could still get that million followers!

“Sero?” Iida repeated. “Are you all right?”  He slowly started reducing power in his jets, letting them drift downward.

Oh, right.  He needed to answer his rescuing angel’s questions. “Oh, ah, yeah, I’m fine,” he said, finding himself stumbling over his words.  “You really saved my ass, there, Iida.  Thanks.”

“Of course,” Iida said. “As your friend and classmate, not to mention as an aspiring Hero, it is my duty.”

“Well, right now, you’re my hero, Iida.”

Inwardly, he groaned. Was he really saying something that stupid?   Apparently, he was.  At least Kimiko and Kenta weren’t there to hear it.  They’d never let him hear the end of it.

***

The Iida Twins could be found in the Common Room, pouring over blueprints.  Usually, the Twins spent whatever free time they had in the Support Workshop, but according to Sora, Power Loader had kicked them out under out under threat of unspecified punishment, all because they had “accidentally used too much power and caused a few small explosions and fires.”  So the two had returned to the dorms instead to work on what they could.

Takuma, Kenta, and Kimiko peered from around the corner at them.

“This is a really dumb idea,” Takuma said.  “And I know all about dumb ideas.”

“If you were doing this for me,” Kenta said, “you’d be making your “good idea” face.  The one that always means it’s something that’s going to get us in trouble.”

“Besides,” Kimiko said, “this is for romance!  We’ve got to! You’re cute, he’s hot, you’re pink, he’s got pink hair, I’m gonna call you Pinky-Squared!”

“We don’t even know if he likes guys!  He could be into girls!  Or machines! I’m gonna make a fool of myself!”

Kimiko slapped him upside the head.  “That’s loser talk!”

“You want us to film it?” Kenta asked.  “You’re good in front of a camera.”

Takuma went a paler shade of pink.  “…No. Definitely not.  I do not need this preserved for posterity if it all goes south.”

“Look, this is the most romantic thing to happen since school started,” Kimiko told him.  “So you are not chickening out now!  Kenta and I are going to get Sora out of the room and you are going to ask Tensei out! Do you understand!?”

How someone whose face he couldn’t see could have such an intense glare, he didn’t know, but her tone suggested that there was no arguing with her.

“Yes,” he said. “Let’s do this!”

***

I can’t do this!

With Sora out of the room (he was so stressed he literally could not remember what excuse Kenta and Kimiko had used to get her out of there and he had seen it literally seconds ago), Takuma was free to make his move.  His smooth move.  His ever so smooth move.  He was the king of smooth.

He was not smooth.

As casually as he could, he approached the table where Tensei was still working.  “Oh, ah, hey, Iida,” he said.   “Ah, thanks again for saving me like that.  Pretty sure I was on my way to being a pile of pink goo.”

“The fall was not nearly enough to reduce you to goo,” Iida said, looking up from his blueprints.  “But it would have been very messy all the same. I am happy I was able to prevent that.”

He rubbed the back of his head.  “Yeah, well, either way, I appreciate it.”   He frowned, trying to think of how best to proceed.  “So, uh, what are you working on?”

A very crazed (and very attractive) grin spread its way across Tensei’s face.  “Modifications to Sora’s and my Hero costumes.  After training yesterday, we came up with several potential ideas to improve performance and work with our Quirks, such as a more adjustable wing system and potential storage for emergency supplies of apple and grape juice.”

“And that exploded?”

“Oh, no,” Iida said.  “That was the idea for a capture-weapon to add as an additional support item.  We may have made the propulsion element a little too strong.  Power Loader apparently believed that we would benefit from some time away.  But I do not see how we can improve our designs to their fullest without practical, hands on work.  And we cannot do that if we are banned from the workshop for a week.”

“That sucks, man,” Takuma agreed.  It’d be like someone telling him he couldn’t upload stuff to the ‘net.  A guy had to have a passion, after all.  “But, ah, I guess that means you’re gonna have some free time?”

Iida frowned.  “Unfortunately, yes.  There is only so much we can do without the space to put theory into practice.”

Okay, it was now or never.   He could be brave!  He had this!

…He didn’t have this!

He had this!

He didn’t have this!

He had this!

“So, um…,” he said, “if you’re gonna have the free time…  maybe you’dlikespendingsomeofitwithmesomewhere?”

Iida blinked.  “I… don’t think I caught that, Sero.”

He took a deep breath. “I was thinking, if you were gonna have free time anyway… maybe you’d want to spend some of it with me? Somewhere?  Like a date?”

Iida’s eyes widened in surprise and for once, it looked like he was at a loss for words.  “I… I would like that very much, Sero.”

He had this!

[mrs-yamada]

Coping Mechanisms

I realized I’ve posted a lot of stories about abuse, but none of the things I’ve learned over my 40+ years to cope with or lessen the everyday pain one goes through. It’s so hard to struggle through each day all by yourself by sheer will - as it certainly feels like, somedays.

You need to find some ways to deal with your pain! No matter how silly something may sound, if it works it’s not silly at all.

Obviously these won’t all work on everyone and some might irritate the heck out of you, because we’re all different. But if you put your own spin on them and think of what you enjoy to do, they could be helpful. 

I’ll add to these if I remember more, since I’m in sort of a downward spiral (parents visiting soon) myself...

Onward, under the break...

Sleep when you need it

If you can, that is. I have too many issues to work and luckily we’ve managed so far with one income, although it sucks. This does mean that I can cater to my individual sleep schedule, however, and I use that to my advantage. 

Don’t listen to neural typicals when they say “go to bed at the same time every night”. They’re normies! We’re not! Our bodies differ. You may actually benefit from doing as everyone will tell you, but a lot of us with mental differences benefit much greater from setting our own, very different (and rapid cycling) sleep cycles. I am currently sleeping from 6 am until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. I simply cannot sleep until then no matter what I do - and in a few weeks, I know this will change and I’ll be back to 10 pm or maybe 12. The difference is I get the sleep my body so desperately needs, and it helps greatly. I know not all of us can do this, but if you can - go for it. Try it out. You’d be amazed how good you feel after actually sleeping.

On the flip side, though:

Don’t oversleep

No, seriously. We all have the urge to “never get out of bed”, but you’re just gonna feel like crap and get a headache. Sometimes it’s cool to do this but, you know. Don’t abuse the treat.

Clean up (yourself & the home)!

Yeah. This is another one of those “you see it everywhere” tips, but that’s because it does work. Even if you can only manage to brush your teeth, change your undies, whatever, you’ll feel a bit better. Same goes for your house/apartment/room. Clean a tiny space if it’s all you can do - you’ll feel like you’ve got more breathing room.

Don’t EVER want to shower/bathe?

We’ve been there. It stinks, no pun intended. Personally, I had to think of a great way to encourage myself to get the heck out of bed and bathe - bath bombs.

And not just the regular kind! Glitter, rainbows, especially the ones with little toys inside, those are the best for days I don’t want to wake up and shower. You can even use them (as I just said) in the shower. They act like shower steamers and smell the rooms up nice, too.

Make a “Power Outfit”

It could be a comfy sweatshirt, or animal pajamas (kigurumi). Maybe it’s a really wacky pair of socks or a shirt that features your favorite TV star or character from a series. This could include accessories, like a fun hat, headband, furry tail, superhero cape - whatever will make you feel great. Don’t overthink it. It’s not “weird” to wear what makes you feel better, no matter what.

Hide/buy surprises for yourself!

Again, this is one I absolutely love to do. I scroll around through etsy and eBay a lot as another numbing yet engaging brain exercise, and I look for the cheapest “blind boxes” and/or “surprises”. Blind boxes are packages where you don’t know what’s inside until you open it, just like the name suggests. If this doesn’t bother you, it’s great for buying yourself a surprise. I use this as stocking stuffers for myself, too. Ha.

Of course this works for things like a book you want to read or a puzzle you’d like to do. Maybe even wrap it and leave it in the “gift pile”. Gift yourself when you need a pick me up!

Another of my favorite things are called “surprise balls”. They’re balls of crepe paper strips you unravel, and each layer has a surprise in it. You unroll the rainbow-colored strips, dropping toys, novelty items, etc, as you go. You can unroll one layer at a time or all of them! Find them at etsy, you can even get them customised. 

Eat better. Exercise.

Trust me, I used to hate exercising (and when I say “hate”, I mean it). But it makes such a complete difference that I actually miss it when I skip on the weekends! Eating right (whatever is right for you, allergy-wise, dietary preferences, etc) also makes a huge difference. My mood lifted so high without the use of mind-altering drugs at all (societal approved medicine or otherwise).

Aromatherapy 

I’ve seen so many people FREAK OUT about this.

Relax. It’s not meant as a “cure-all” no matter what the MLM pushers say, it simply helps a little. And for those of us with a lot of problems, “a little off the top” is really a big help. There are different types of scents for different mood enhancers, but my favorites (bubblegum, lemon, orange) are citrus based because that lifts depression. (Google this if you’re want - there have been tests done researching depression & aromatherapy).

Use wax melts, incense, whatever - and remember that candles can be bought on etsy & elsewhere that have surprises in them, too! You take out the charms and gems and such as the candle burns. Win-win for a little pick me up!

Rainbows

Yeah, I know. I have little crystal rainbow catchers in my windows so that my rooms fill with rainbows throughout the day. You’d be amazed at how many times a surprise rainbow from one of them lifted my heart and made me smile. 

They’re not expensive, either. You can pop down to your local craft store and buy them in the beading section. Thread the bead with string or fishing line and hang it up on a suction cup or - really, wherever you can where light will catch!

Wait, did I mention craft stores..?

Arts & Crafts

I may be biased here, but there have been a lot of people that benefit from coloring books and crafts. They’re soothing, but be warned - they’re sometimes not good for mind-wanderers. If you’re “dump-trucking” bad thoughts, a mindless task will NOT be a good thing to do. I sometimes pair crafts and such with watching TV so that my mind and hands are busy at the same time.

Distractions!

Writing

*looks at self in reflection of monitor*

...yep.

This can help not only you, but others. It’s a relief to feel that you’re not alone, and when you come across something that helps you in a moment of need it’s awesome. It feels just as good to let it all out.

Write about your day, your past experiences, your hopes - anything. Heck, write fanfiction where the guys or gals or beings of your dreams help you get through things. Work it out. You don’t have to publish them. It will still feel good. And if you want to record your own in one area, or read specific fics, especially fanfics, I recommend the Archive (and not simply because I write there, ha)! 

Television/Movies/Games

Same thing for movies, games & TV. They may distract you, but that means you may get the odd, sneaky thought that creeps in. We all hate those. Oh, and watch out for triggers! Good flipping butt, so many triggers!

There’s a site that helps for tons of triggers (including books, games, etc) called “Does the Dog Die”. I use it constantly when watching new programs or movies. 

I personally do toon-fests where I watch so many cartoons, especially kiddie ones like “Molang” (so cute)! And I love using Minecraft for chilling out, game wise. Just, again... watch out for games. Man, they can be a pain sometimes if you’re getting frustrated. Stick with ones that you know are relaxing or you can play on “safe mode”. Don’t try to do a complicated campaign or grab that rare trophy/achievement when you’re stressed.

Music!

Yep. Music lifts spirits. And did you know if you search Google Play they’ve got free stuff? Like, a lot of it you might not want and there are a ton of religious readings, etc (if that’s your thing, then hooray)! But often I’ve found some really nice relaxing music with wave sounds, thunderstorms, etc. Of course you can buy albums too.

Voices

The same goes for voices. They can be very soothing and help you relax. There’s a whole bunch of Play apps where anime dudes and/or chicks talk you to sleep, or say comforting things. Well, technically, they’re real people speaking but there’s images of anime guys and gals. There are all types, so look around.

You could even ask your loved one to make a recording of them speaking to you or reading poetry, etc. It’s very helpful to hear a beloved voice - no matter who it is for you -- in times of need. 

Cuddles

Pets, stuffed animals, blankets, fellow humans... hugs help sometimes. Sometimes you really don’t want to be touched, but that stuffed animal or pillow can give you just the right snuggle to lift your mood.

Free stuff!

Every once in awhile I use a throwaway email and go freebie hunting on the internet. A lot of places will give you stickers, samples, and all sorts of stuff for free. If you have a PO Box or don’t mind giving out your address, this works so well. Mail surprises are the awesomest.

[cunyappliedtheatreblog]

Countdown Profile: Week 4 Alexis Jemal (’21)

Alexis Jemal, JD, LCSW, PhD, clinical faculty member at Hunter’s Silberman School of Social Work, and member of the MA in Applied Theatre class of 2021, talks with Michael Wilson (’11) about her hunger for justice, finding applied theatre, and how she’s just getting started. 

Okay, we’re recording 

The first thing I want to put out there is that I don’t have all the answers or know how all these pieces fit together. I consider this journey to be a work in progress. That’s how I’ve always led my life and have ended up where I am today. It may sound, I don’t know how it will sound at the end, whether it seems it all fits together… 

I’m a many-interested person myself, from anthropology to theatre, and now photography. There’s a connective logic I feel intuitively, but it might not look like it from the outside. I do believe that we attract passionate, interdisciplinary people to the program. 

Exactly. 

I welcome that complexity. 

It is complexity! Which I have found not always welcome or understood. Even in my doctorate program, for example, they’re trying to fit you in a box. They’re trying to say who you are as a researcher. Do you do this, do you do that?

 At first, I started out in law, because I wanted to help people. The main message in my personal statement for law school was: “stealing bread is wrong, whether it’s done by the king or the man living beneath the bridge.” I had read this passage in a sociology textbook. That made me think about inequity, and how, well, the king will never be prosecuted for stealing bread…

I went to law school because I wanted to be an advocate for the man, woman, child, person who lives under the bridge. I loved law school. But then I had a bunch of internships at places, like in the chambers of a Federal District Judge, at the New York Civil Liberties Union, at MFY Legal Services in New York that provides legal services to indigent people, and the Public Defender’s Office in my home county in New Jersey. And I kept seeing injustice after injustice after injustice. A person who is getting evicted from their house, yes, you could help them not be evicted, legally, but that wouldn’t help with their mental health issues, or their substance abuse issues. It wouldn’t help with the trauma they’ve experienced in their family history, or the macro sociopolitical issues that are harming them.

 So I figured, social work is where I really want to go. I ended up first working at this place at Rutgers called the Center for Behavior Health Services and Criminal Justice Research. That’s when I learned I was interested in research, because we were testing psychosocial interventions within the women’s prison in New Jersey. I was really seeing the intersection [between] the intrapersonal, interpersonal, the mezzo, the macro…everything was interacting. I thought, this is what I want to do. I want to be on the frontlines but I also want to be a researcher. I was one of two students that were admitted to the first PhD MSW program that Rutgers started—one foot in front of the other, the stars just kind of aligned… In my doctorate program, I was not planning to go into a professorship. I wanted to do more the non-profit route. But I began to consider how going into social work education could be advocacy in a way that I get to help shape future social workers. I could be that change that I want to see in social work.

 Thank you for sharing that. I’m inspired by that.

 It all intersects. To me, social workers have no excuse. We are the only field, as far as I know, to have an ethical mandate to address oppression. When any social injustice occurs, we should be the first responders. Instead, we’re trying to be psychologists, or something. 

Technically, at Silberman School of Social Work, I am clinical faculty. I get to, in my class, bring the message of how clinical work and social justice need to be integrated and practiced. Like: “I get it, you guys want to go out and you want do therapy, but you will be interacting with multiple systems, and there’s no way around it. So how are you going to practice with an anti-oppressive lens?”

 So that’s the teaching. I’m also a researcher, right? My interventions are always grounded in critical theory, liberation health models, restorative justice-type practices. They’re always about developing critical consciousness. 

For my dissertation, I wanted to create a scale of Paolo Freire’s critical consciousness. As a doctoral student I was developing an intervention called Community Wise, that’s grounded in critical consciousness theory. Community Wise is a group intervention, it’s fifteen two-hour weekly sessions, for people who were recently released from incarceration. It’s supposed to reduce HIV STI risk, criminal reoffending, psychological distress, and substance use. And it’s grounded in critical consciousness theory, meaning that we have these critical dialogues, and we have capacity building projects, where the participants work on some type of project together. 

The theory is called transformative potential: a scale of critical consciousness. The heart of the theory is that…when people [social workers] design interventions, like substance abuse interventions, they’re trying to get these people to use substances less, but really, what we’re arguing, is substance abuse is a symptom. It is not the issue. The issue is oppression. If we can find ways to get at the root of the issue, then substance use will decrease.

 And there’s the Freirian piece: you’re there to challenge people to develop critical consciousness, that’s about reading the world.

 Exactly. We’ve all been socialized to blame the individual. The participants have been socialized that way, as well. “When I come out of prison I should be able to get a job, I should be able to do this…I have all these skills, I have all these certificates.” And it’s like, “dangit, you don’t need another certificate. What you need is for people to stop discriminating against you and give you a job!” 

One of the questions I ask people sometimes is, “could you have done everything right and still things have gone wrong?” And the answer is, well, “yes.” And that tells you it can’t be 100% about you. 

I am concerned with the health of marginalized people. I want my work to be a healing agent. And it always has to be multi-systemic. 

So, that’s what brings me to applied theatre. 

How? 

I saw psychodrama at a social work conference. And I was immediately impacted by it. Everything started to collide in my head. From, role theory…we’re all on the stage, different roles that we play…to, just that art itself, whether it’s dance, whether it’s painting, just has a way of breaking down boundaries. How I see applied theatre fitting in [my work] is that it integrates healing from trauma that’s associated with oppression AND raising consciousness and getting people to act against inequity.

 And I have always been a creative writer…I’ve always felt I didn’t know how to integrate my academic and creatives sides…but applied theatre is the perfect way to integrate both aspects of myself. It seemed to all merge here. 

I have several ideas. I wrote a story when I was thirteen or fourteen about hair. I know that for, especially black women, there’s so much trauma at the roots. Every time I read this story I can’t help but to cry. It’s a tear jerker. I think about how this [the exploration of hair] could be used with theatre as a healing agent for the people who participate in the drama, devising [an original piece of theatre around hair], but also it can impact people who are watching it. 

Telling your story is healing, but also empowering. And unifying. It could build empathy, you could know people in a way that you didn’t know them before. 

Thank you. Thanks for bringing me up to what seems to be a frontier for you now. 

Yes. It seems to bring together all of my interests, from education to consciousness raising to community organizing to healing, to health. To creativity.

 Now switching gears, what does it take to keep going as an interdisciplinary person in a world of siloed work? 

Yeah, that’s…I believe that my work will be more effective [because it’s interdisciplinary], I guess. But I do battle. You know, it’s not like just going into carpentry, where I can just work with the person’s mind, and forget their health, because you know…people can’t be sliced. People can’t be separated like that. We’re complex and we’re a mess and that’s humanity. 

What gets you up each day to keep doing it?

 People are fascinating to me. I could sit and people stare, and guess, what happened there? When I’m driving and see a home, and I can kind of see in laughs—like I’m peeping—I wonder, does that family eat dinner together? Is there violence? My mind wanders. And, I’ve always been a person about justice. I’ve always been a champion for people who didn’t have power, since I’ve been young. To stand up for people, to stand up for justice. I don’t like people to be in pain or to suffer. My name, that’s connected to Alexander, defender of mankind. And that’s how I’ve felt. I’ve always been about justice and equity.

 Okay. Well, as I’m listening, I’m so struck by your accomplishment and knowledge. I really admire what you’re up to. 

Thank you. People think I’m humble or something, but I don’t feel like I’ve done much, yet. People are always in awe of the DEGREES. It’s like, yeah, but the degrees mean nothing if you don’t do anything with them. So I’m hoping that I do make a difference…so far I feel like I’m laying groundwork. I’m in the preparation stage. 

Rapid fire round. A fiction author or book that’s lighting up your imagination? 

That is hard to say, because, I’m so ashamed to admit this, but I don’t read as widely as I’d like. Because, I’m usually reading journal articles and papers. 

Alright, fine. But did you read Octavia Butler at all? 

So that’s the funny thing. I just took this writing course at Medgar Evers in October. It was every Monday night. And I write kind of sci-fi stuff. 

Aah [of course, just like Butler]. 

That’s my genre. I started looking up African-American sci-fi writers, and of course she pops up. So I have several of her books on my kindle but I have not read one yet. But I do know who she is. 

There’s someone else who was perpetually fascinated. And so personal…so interested in each person’s wounds and psychology, and also so curious about social change. She used dystopias that are not so far away as a metaphor for interrogating the present. She used the arts as a reflecting surface for society.

 I’ve been warned that I sound a lot like her…the teacher was like, “I don’t know if you should read her, because it may…” So I’m like, “do I or don’t I?” 

Well you’ve given me a writing challenge, because I have a full article here on your work on critical consciousness and a full article on your reflections on the value of theatre. 

And so I’ll tell you this last part so it wraps it up. I have this research project I’m starting to get into now…with women, they’re going to do auto-ethnography. Researching their own lives and experiences with different types of oppression. And the last part that I’m hoping they do—I’m going to present it to them, but it’s up to them—is to do something with applied theater. Somehow incorporating what they’ve learned from their autoethnographies into some type of applied theatre format. So that’s kind of where it’s going. That’s it. 

For now. Thank you so much. 

Thank you for listening.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PROBLEMS

My test was to think of intelligence as inborn is that people trying to measure it have concentrated on the aspects of economic inequality where the cause of poverty is the same as the root cause of variation in income is a sign that something is broken? At Yahoo, user-facing software was controlled by product managers and designers the final step, by translating it into code. I'm not saying that if you let Henry Ford get rich, he'll hire you as a waiter at his next party. Somehow the idea of making really large amounts of money. When people come to you with a problem and you have to sound intellectual. All the hackers I know, managed to be mistaken. An organization that wins by exercising power starts to lose deals. That was not, probably, how McCarthy thought of it as a personal insult when someone from the other team from scoring is considered to have played a perfect game.1 Right now, VCs often knowingly invest too much money at the series A stage. And if you weren't rich, you took the omnibus or walked.

Microsoft.2 Great hackers also generally insist on using open source software. In that case, stay on a main branch becomes more than a way to please other people. It's so cheap to start, this conflict goes away, because founders can start them younger, when it's rational to take more risk, and can start more startups total in their careers. When you reach the point where 90% of a group's output is created by 1% of its members, you lose big if something whether Viking raids, or central planning drags their productivity down to the average Frankish nobleman in 800, and report back to us. Art History 101.3 Hacker News and our application system.4 That way we can avoid applying rules and standards to intelligence that are really meant for wisdom. Whereas the independence of the townsmen allowed them to keep whatever wealth they created.5 These initial versions can be so pervasive that it takes a great effort to overcome it. Then you could see in the house, the herds, and the number one thing they have in common. The difference is that wise means one has a high average outcome.

Editorialists ask. Bottom-up programming suggests another way to convince investors to let you do it? If circumstances had been different, the people running Yahoo might have realized sooner how important search was.6 But that won't eliminate great variations in wealth would mean eliminating startups.7 When I heard this, I thought he was a complete idiot.8 You can see wealth—in buildings and streets, in the original sense, is something you write to try to figure something out. The more of your application you can push down into a language for writing that type of application, the more we'll see multiple companies doing the same thing ourselves.9 Which is precisely why we hear ever more about it.10 Society as a whole ends up poorer. But startups aren't like that. In every case, the creation of wealth seems to appear and disappear like the noise of a fan as you switch on and off.11

Central France in 1100, off still feudal. Or consider watches. You have to be nice to, you have two options: work at home, hackers can arrange things themselves so they can get the most done. And they think of it as normal to have a remedial character. The idea is basically that you sort search results not in order of how much money Yahoo would make from each link. It consists of some things that are good and some that are historical trends with immense momentum and others that are random accidents.12 The place to look for what I learned from Paul Buchheit: it's better to make a deep point here about the true nature of wisdom, just to make sure they're ok guys. I don't think there's any limit to the number of failures and yet leave you net ahead.13 Thanks to Trevor Blackwell, Jessica Livingston, and Jackie McDonough for reading drafts of this.

One of the things pinned up on our bulletin board was an ad from IBM.14 Brandeis was a product of this period. But Apple created wealth, in the sense that the authors didn't know when they started exactly what they were trying to get people to start calling them portals instead of search engines. This isn't true in all fields. And this is the route to well-deserved obscurity. So it's not just fastidiousness that makes good hackers avoid nasty little problems is that you make what you measure.15 That's why Yahoo as a company has sunk into technical mediocrity and recovered.

And of course if Microsoft is your model, you shouldn't be looking for, most of the time, perhaps most of the time, and runtime. You'd seem a barbarian if you behaved that way today. Starting in the tenth and eleventh centuries, petty nobles and former serfs banded together in towns that gradually became powerful enough to appropriate it.16 If Lenin walked around the offices of a company like Yahoo or Intel or Cisco, he'd think communism had won.17 Why?18 It's hard to predict what will; often something that seems interesting at first will bore you after a month. Understanding your users is part of what makes them good hackers: when something's broken, they need to get a work visa in the US, without an undergraduate degree—but tests like this will matter less and less.19

Though useful to present-day languages, if they'd had them. When you look at the history of stone tools, technology was already accelerating in the Mesolithic. We think of the core language semantics.20 The design paradox means they're choosing more or less a subset of potential users, or satisfying a subset of the needs of a subset of the needs of a subset of potential users, or satisfying a subset of hash tables where the keys are vectors of integers. Whereas if you're doing the kind of productivity that's measured in lines of code. But between the two. He knows what happened in every deal in the Valley. Extraordinary devotion went into it, and most decent hackers are capable of that. As big a deal as the Industrial Revolution was well advanced.

Notes

Joshua Schachter tells me it was true that being part of wisdom. This is actually a computer. See, we can teach startups a lot like meaning.

We're only comparing YC startups, just that if colleges want to believe this much. If they're on the order of 10,000 sestertii for his freedom Dessau, Inscriptiones 7812. But you couldn't do the equivalent thing for founders, HR acquisitions are viewed by acquirers as more akin to hiring bonuses.

The point where things start to rise again. The most striking example I know of no Jews moving there, and that's much harder. I'm convinced there were about the origins of the things attributed to them.

If you ask parents why kids shouldn't swear, the police treat people more equitably. Please do not take the form of bad idea. In Boston the best day job, or at least should make what they do.

You have to do this right you'd have to deliver these sentences as if you'd invested at a pre-money valuation of the first phase of the most part and you can probably write a book about how things are different. The only people who get rich by creating wealth—university students, heirs, professors, politicians, and there are few who can say I need to fix once it's big, messy canvases that philistines see and say that's not art because it looks like stuff they've seen in the beginning. None at all. No, and there are no false negatives.

It tipped from being this boulder we had, we'd have understood why: If they were friendlier to developers than Apple is now very slow, but when people in return for something that conforms with their company made money from it, but they can't teach students how to value valuable things.

Everyone else was talking about art, they made, but investors can get done before that. There is a qualitative difference in investors' attitudes. I believe Lisp Machine Lisp was the least VC-like. So if you're attacked in this they're perfect.

By writing library functions. If you want as an example of computer security, and a little about how things are going well, but not in the early 90s when they buy some startups and not fundraising is a bridgehead. Oddly enough, even if they were to work than stay home with them in advance that you were expected to do good work and thereby earn the respect of their name, but that it's boring, we don't want to give them sufficient activation energy required to notice when it's their own interest.

On the other by adjusting the boundaries of what you really want, like warehouses. They can lead to distractions even more vice versa: the editor, which would be vulnerable both to attack the A P successfully defended itself by allowing the unionization of its identity. The real danger is that you'll have to resort to in order to pick the words we use the word wealth, seniority will become correspondingly more important.

It did not start to get going, and so don't deserve to keep their wings folded, as accurate to call those before a consortium of investors want to take action, go ahead. Gauss was supposedly asked this when comparing techniques for discouraging stupid comments instead.

I've learned about VC inattentiveness. The time it still seems to them unfair that things don't work the same thing. Actually he's no better or worse than close supervision by someone else. Mozilla is open-source but seems to have them soon.

107. The key to wasting time building it. IBM makes decent hardware. They seem to have a browser and get pushed down by new arrivals.

There will be interesting to 10,000 sestertii, for example. Some translators use calm instead of just Jews any more than others, and only one restaurant left on the East Coast VCs. There are circumstances where this is so new that it's no longer written in Lisp, they may introduce startups they like to fight.

We once put up with only a few percent from an eager investor, lest that set an impossibly high target when raising additional money. The US is the most successful founders is exaggerated now because it's a hip flask.

That's probably true of nationality and religion too. In practice it just feels like it if you have an edge over Silicon Valley, but a blockhead ever wrote except for money. You can get rich by creating wealth—that an eminent designer is any good at talking about why something isn't the last 150 years we're still only able to. It's true in fields that have it as a percentage of startups as they are in research departments.

I'm not saying it's impossible without a time before photography had a broader meaning.

This is a way to explain that the highest returns, like architecture and filmmaking, but we decided it would do for a startup could grow big in revenues without including the numbers from the success of their works are lost.

Many of these companies unless your last round of funding.

Garry Tan pointed out that taking time to come if they seem pointless. Considering yourself a scientist. If you want to sell, or to be very hard to do this are companies smart enough to guarantee good effects.

Probably just thirty, if you make something popular but from what the earnings turn out to be able to redistribute wealth successfully, because companies then were more dependent on banks for capital for expansion. The point of view anyway. Founders are often unknowns. Once again, that suits took over during a critical point in the sense of mission.

[wesleyv21-blog]

Galapagos: Been there, done that(;

Hello once again!

Quito has never felt quite like home until now. After about 6 hours total of travel (including the hour I lost due to the time difference) from the Galápagos back to the Andes, I’m very glad to be back home-loosely speaking. There’s so much to tell yet so much that words can’t express, but I’ll give it my best shot to review everything that was our excursion to Guayaquil and the famous Galápagos Islands.

Last Wednesday we flew from Quito to Guayaquil, Ecuador’s largest city. Nicknamed the Pearl of the Pacific for its beauty and the pride of its inhabitants, Guayaquil is the financial hub of Ecuador and really always has been. It’s named after the legendary figures of Guayas and Quil, an indigenous couple who according to legend led the resistance against the Spanish in what is now the area around the city. It was damn beautiful—and hot as hell compared to Quito! Upper 80s with 100% humidity and no clouds! Our first stop was the centrally-located Parque Histórico, where we took a tour of the zoological/botanical gardens that featured animals and plants from all over Ecuador. Crocodiles, otters, parrots, mangroves, monkeys—it was pretty cool! After that, we ate lunch on the famous Malecón (Boardwalk) that sits right on the River Guayas. Then, we toured an art museum that housed an impressive collection of pre-Columbian art from all around Ecuador. Ecuador is home to the first culture in South America to make pottery (the Valdivia culture). The Ecuadorian coast can also boast to be the home of the Manta-Wantawillka culture, the best and only ocean navigators in the southeastern Pacific. In addition, the infamous Spondylus shells are found in the depths off the Ecuadorian coast. These shells were traded as far north as Baja California and as far south as Chile and formed an important part of the economies of various ancestral societies. Alas, our time in Guayaquil was limited to a day, but what a day we spent! It’s a beautiful city that doesn’t have a tradition of tourism interestingly enough, yet I couldn’t recommend it more.

Thursday was the big day, the one we were all looking forward to: the arrival in las Islas Encantadas, the Galápagos Islands. The word “Galápagos” comes from old Spanish and means a saddle; it originally referred to the various species of tortoises that inhabit the islands and then came to refer to the islands themselves. We spent Thursday and Friday in San Cristobal, the capital and home of the oldest human settlements on the islands. Unlike mainland Ecuador, there is no history of ancestral communities living on the islands. Even though the Manta-Wantawillka were the first to discover the islands, they didn’t settle them because they’re very inhospitable. Only 2 islands have natural sources of fresh water. Only 4 are inhabited. I never knew the meaning of “desert island” until I came here. Yet they’re a curious mix of tropical, desert, and high altitude. On the same island (such as San Cristobal or Santa Cruz), you can encounter 5 different micro-climates, each with their own vegetation, animal life, and weather. And then there are the islands that look like they’re otherworldly, such as Bartolomé or Baltra. Bartolomé is red and rocky with an occasional cactus sprouting out of the lava flows and this scraggly grey lichen sprawled out over the entire surface of the island. Baltra has completely red soil, like deep red soil, and the same grey lichen except in much vaster quantities. There are also ruined buildings all over the island—probably dating from the WWII U.S. military base—which give the island an Old West-type feel.

But anyway, Thursday we spent on San Cristobal. We checked into our hotel and chilled the rest of the day, heading down the boardwalk to the beach and swimming with sea lions (which are called lobos marinos in Spanish, or sea wolves, which to me makes a whole lot more sense than sea lions). Sea lions are literally everywhere on San Cristobal—on the benches, on the beaches, on the sidewalk, on the outdoor patios of the restaurants, sometimes on the street. They’ll chase you sometimes if you get too close—as some of the students found out! The way human settlements work on the Galápagos is that 97% of all the territory of the islands is reserved as the national park, leaving 3% for human development. San Cristobal boasts a population of about 8,000 people; Santa Cruz is the biggest in population with around 18,000. So yea, Thursday we spent exploring and swimming and trying to avoid sunburn (which would prove a losing battle the entire trip, as there was hardly ever a cloud in the sky all the days we were there. The sun would be roasting us from 8:00 a.m. until 7:00 p.m. every day).

On Friday we took a boat out to a tiny rock called León Dormido to go snorkeling! This was the first time I had ever gone snorkeling and it was amazinggggggg. We wore wetsuits, flippers, and masks—the whole outfit lol. The current around this rock was such that you could just float effortlessly while looking at all the wildlife literally right below you. We swam with schools of fish, sea lions, sharks, and even sea turtles! It was absolutely incredible to be only 10 feet from all these animals you see at the aquarium or on TV. One of the students brought a GoPro camera and got the whole experience—including the animals—on video! After eating lunch on the boat and taking a wonderful nap in the sun (which I later came to regret due to sunburn), we returned to San Cristobal to hear a talk by a local political activist about the tourism industry and local relations of power. This to me is far more interesting than the wildlife, although it’s never emphasized. The activist told us that some people come to the Galápagos not realizing that people actually live on the islands lol, which is indicative of the image projected to the rest of the world. There’s basically 4 entities that run the islands. There’s the Charles Darwin Research Station, which has the most funds of any of the entities I’ll discuss and enjoys the most privileged access to all of the islands—such unrestricted access that not even the local politicians or national park people have. Their agenda, which is ostensibly one of conservation and study, often prevails over the local interests of the people who inhabit and try to make a living on the islands. Second, there’s the Parque Nacional Galápagos, which is the administrative body of the national park aspect of the islands and is overseen principally by the Ministry of the Environment. Their agenda often meshes with that of the Charles Darwin Station, yet the key difference is the amount of money the two have. Whereas the Parque Nacional is funded by the state (meagerly), the Charles Darwin Station is an NGO affiliated with the Charles Darwin Foundation, which receives much more money from international donors. Third, there is the political system on the islands which includes local governments for each of the 4 inhabited islands as well as an overarching political body. Whereas the local governments are elected directly, the Minister of the Galápagos is appointed by the president and thus often a) is corrupt, b) is unpopular, c) does not govern with the interests of the local population in mind, or d) some combination of a, b, and c. Finally, there is the tourism industry, which really comprises two sets of individuals and companies: local and foreign. The foreigners are technically not allowed to operated in the islands by law, yet one always sees the fleets of international cruise ships circling the islands like vultures with their tourists on board. The corrupt politicians allow the international cruise lines to operate illegally, and the fucked up thing is that the conservationist agenda usually goes along with it because the rhetoric of tourism in the Galápagos is ostensibly to minimize the environmental impact of tourists by having them take up as little space as possible for as little time as possible. So, it’s very common for a trip to the Galápagos to be spent almost entirely on board a Royal Caribbean cruise ship or another similar one, which then lays anchor at various ports only long enough for tourists to disembark to take pictures, buy things, eat, etc.

We’re not taking this route obviously. In fact, this piece is important for yall to know in case you ever want to come to the Galápagos or have friends/family who do. It’s vital that visitors to the islands DO NOT rely on big-name, international travel agencies to visit the islands. In addition to the environmental impact these companies leave behind, they siphon money out of the local economy. Only 1/3 of the money spent in the Galápagos stays in the pockets of the local galapagueños. Even though the islands are the richest province in Ecuador, they should be a lot better off. Instead, their environment and their jobs get auctioned off to foreign companies because of corrupt politicians and because tourists don’t know any better and go with the household names over the local establishments and tours. The latter is wayyy more fun, trust me. And part of the fun lies in knowing that I’m contributing to a responsible tourist ethos. I came into this trip thinking that tourism was inherently exploitative. Now I understand that that’s not the case. However, when big transnational companies appropriate the livelihood of the local population, that’s when tourism becomes a problem. Now yall know and can plan a smart, eco-friendly, and relatively sustainable trip to these magical islands.

On Saturday we arrived on Santa Cruz, the biggest island population-wise and the tourism hub. We stayed on land and checked out the Center of Environmental Interpretation, a system of trails with cool information about the formation of the islands as well as sociological information about the human aspect of the islands. We hiked up breathtaking (literally and figuratively) trails and spied frigate birds, boobies, big spiders, marine iguanas, giant cactuses, etc. I found out that the colonists as the residents are called have their residency pretty much for life; the only way they can lose it is by failing to renew it once every 10 years or so. Yet obtaining residency in the first place is tricky: one must marry someone with residency or be born to parents who have residency. Living on the islands is so exclusive so as not to upset the delicate ecosystems or overburden the economy. This whole time we had been eating fabulously. I’ve never had seafood so fresh in my life. Lobsters, tuna, shrimp—out of this world delicious. At dinner some of us met this random U.S. dude touring the islands after having just graduated college. He rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning, but then he mentioned how he really wanted to try ayawaska recreationally. Ayawaska, or ayahuasca, is an entheogen that combines two vines found in the Amazon—one contains a neurotransmitter released at birth and at death, and the other contains an enzyme that allows for the metabolization of the neurotransmitter. This combination is distilled into a drink and taken by shamans (yachakuna in Kichwa, where the term ayawaska comes from) of various Amazonian nations in order to divine the future, receive instructions or warnings, or cope with loss or other powerful life events/emotions. It is a sacred plant, and partaking in an ayawaska ritual requires years of dedication, preparation, and for outsiders, trust and bonds of communion with a local population. It cannot be taken recreationally, and the fact that this tourist expressed an interest in doing so even after one of us pointed all the above out to him just really irritated me. However, it’s important I use him as an example and continuously strive to root out my own ignorance and prejudices toward cultures different than my own.

Sunday was the best snorkeling day by far. We took a boat from Santa Cruz to the little island of Bartolomé, which is home to perhaps the most iconic image of the islands (Google Galápagos and you’ll probably see it, or check out my Facebook as I posted a picture of it). Bartolomé is so inhospitable that it’s been used as a site to film movies that take place on Mars. There’s dried lava plumes, ridges, cliffs, and tunnels everywhere, and the sparse vegetation only adds to the merciless landscape. With no trees and no clouds to shade us, we were sizzling as we climbed up to the summit to look down on the bay. But it was all worth it once we jumped in the water! We snorkeled and swam with penguins! The second smallest species in the world. They were adorableeee! And they zoomed in the water right past us as we snorkeled! We also saw numerous sharks lurking on the seafloor, as well as seastars and tons of fish. There’s this giant fish called a parrotfish that is as brightly colored as its namesake. They are absolutely breathtaking. And the water was a bright turquoise—I’ve only ever seen water that beautiful in the movies haha. We also ate lunch on the boat (an incredible experience), and on the way back to Santa Cruz (about a 2 hour ride), I sat up top with the captain and jammed out to his playlist of reggeaton classics while the wind whipped my hair and the sun beat down on my back. Simply beautiful.

Monday was our last full day. We visited two sinkholes that are named Los Gemelos (the Twins) because they’re right next to each other. They were pretty cool but uneventful haha. Then we visited the famous Charles Darwin Research Center. We toured the tortoise breeding program and saw baby tortoises! They were absolutely the cutest things ever—only like the size of your hand, moving all around their enclosures exploring to their precious little hearts’ content, and eating leaves like you’ve never seen anything eat a leaf. The day passed far too quickly and left us all with sadness and nostalgia. We played classic group games like Hot Seat and the question game and games of that sort through the night. As we were leaving today, I couldn’t help but feel that this is an adios and not a chao—a goodbye forever and not an “until next time.” I certainly would love to return but I just don’t see how I’ll ever be able to for the rest of my life. Then again, I’m one of the 1% of the world population who has ever visited the islands. And what a fulfilling trip it was. Still though, returning to Quito has filled me with a profound sadness. It’s not just leaving behind such a paradise and knowing that I’ll never be able to recreate that experience in the same way. It’s also returning to the daily grind of classes and homework. But even more than that—being in an airport for the first time since January has filled me with homesickness for one of the really only times so far. I can’t really explain why beyond that just physically being in an airport made me recall the flight to the unknown that took place what feels like eons ago. The domestic and international arrivals share the same exit point, so I was literally back in the same place I was when everything was so new and I didn’t know anybody or anything. It was a weird feeling.

So, there ya have it—the Galápagos episode over and done with. These words fail to do justice to the sights, smells, sounds, emotions, and thoughts that comprised this trip. I encourage yall to go and see for yourselves, because the Enchanted Islands will certainly enchant you—as they have done me.  

[tarushipping]

Even questions for Genji?

AAA GOSH thank you for all the questions, @witch-cub!AND since there’s so many, I’ll throw a lot of them under a cut!

(All Genji)2) Their favorite style of clothingSince Genji got that cyborg body, he technically runs around naked(?) all the time, but I imagine he still enjoys wearing clothes-usually just looser/comfier clothes like loose hoodies or sportswear. And nerdy shirts.4) Do they play an instrument?Maybe? But only just a little bit, like Genji learned only a little bit of guitar when he was younger-just enough to fake impress/charm people. But in actuality, he never really had the time or interest to really pursue it.

6) Favorite thing they’ve ever said/texted/messaged?As far as things he’s said, I think I would love the times he compliments my being very capable/intelligent/strong the most. As far as text/messages, times he takes picture of either nice scenery while he’s gone and wants to share it or dumb photos of himself in the middle of missions (when he really shouldn’t be taking selfies).

8) Their favorite color?WELL considering what he dyed his hair younger and the lights on his body, I’m pretty confident it’s green and always has been. Very loyal to green.10) Sweetest thing they’ve done for you?There’s a couple moments I can think of that was extremely sweet, but I think when I would have been retraining with Overwatch at first, I would be pretty anxious and nervous about my skills-especially in an organization with such skilled fighters. But I think Genji would have seen my nervousness/insecurity and helped with hardcore training, but also pull me into meditation practices and breathing exercises that would really help me calm down. He’d also know the right words to calm my nerves-and I’d forever remember and be grateful for that.12) Have they dreamed about you? (if you know)After we get together, I imagine he’d be very open about sharing dreams he’s had involving me-which would be somewhat regular before and after getting together. A lot of them are more casual-like I just happen to be with him while on a mission to retrieve a magical golden bird statue from a band of both Shimada clan and mercenary band or somethin. Other ones are are me holding him/shielding him from reoccurring nightmares-ones where he feels warm after waking up and much more at peace than his usual night terrors. And…the occasional ahem dirty dreams…14) What does hugging them feel like?I’m sure Genji has heat regulating systems that let of steam when he overheats, but normally I think it keeps him at a comfortable temperature-which would be somewhat cool but not cold when he’s not doing anything active. So hugging him wouldn’t feel so soft, but the somewhat cool and the smooth metal is a pretty reassuring feeling for me personally. And there’s still certain parts of him that are still a little more tender/squishy.16) Their favorite thing about you?Oh goodness, I imagine one of the things that he really loves is my gentle nature. As opposed to how angry and tumultuous his past has been and how he lived the majority of his life, he’d be attracted to how soft, gentle, and just honest I am. I think it helps keep his own spirit at peace-similar to what his master does for him but of course slightly different feeling. That and my own similar interests/connection to Japanese culture helps him feel more at home with me also.18) What are they like when they’re tired?He’s usually very good about taking care of himself when he’s tired right away, so he’s very honest about when he’s tired and goes to rest. BUT he will also push himself if he sees it necessary (for example during a mission or if someone needs help) and sometimes needs to be pushed to take his rest. During times he’s tired, I imagine his patience becomes thinner and his judgement becomes more clouded with emotion-although it may be hardly noticeable to people that don’t know him well. 20) Could they imagine growing old together with you?I think so-With the way his body is, he’s not sure exactly how he would age or how long he’d live for, but part of him is hopeful that his cybernetics keep him healthy and can take care of me well into my old age. 22) Are they competitive?YES. As calm as he is now, his competitive side definitely shows during things like video/arcade games or training/missions/matches. I know it’s canon that he has a somewhat competitive friendly relationship with Tracer-claiming that she’s one of the few people that could keep up with him. And judging from his arcade line, I’m sure he gets pretty excited and heated during games too. Although I don’t really pose as a match for him fighting wise (I’m support class), I’m a very good match during video/arcade games. And we have a lot of fun with it.24) Which smells remind you of them?Slightly metallic smells, morning dew, and artificial cherry blossom (since yknow cherry blossoms don’t actually have a smell).26) Could you tell them your biggest secret?HELL YEAH I COULD. I’m not even sure what my biggest secrets would be, as I can generally be very honest and open-but the few things I do keep hidden with an iron grip…I would be extremely comfortable with being able to share them with Genji. He’d probably be the only person I could confide in when it comes to certain past experiences or major insecurities/fears.28) How do you greet each other?For me, it’s generally a casual but sweet ‘Hey you’ and maybe a peck or touch if we’re not around others. Otherwise, it may just be a silent touch on the arm, even though he’s already aware I’m there. He can be more physically affectionate regardless of who’s around-which can embarrass me at times, and call me/greet me in Japanese or with a nickname.30) What makes them blush that you do?With that mask, its hard to tell sometimes if he is blushing, but I don’t think it’d be easy to fluster him very often. HOWEVER I very occasionally can be very smooth, with subtle suggestive movements and dirty whispers. Although he’s much more advanced than I am with the art of flirting, I think the rarity of my flirting would fluster him sometimes. That and I can also sit there and compliment him and gush about him nonstop straight to his face, talking sickeningly sweetly and lavishing him in physical affection without a trace of embarrassment and being completely honest-something I don’t think he’s ever really gotten, especially not after his incident. Especially if I say any of these in Japanese. 32) Would they say they love you?Yes-he would probably say it before myself. He understands the weight of the words (as opposed to how easily he’d sling it around when he was younger), but he would say it whenever the feeling particularly struck him or come to mind. It’d be a phrase that easily slips out, but always honestly. More than in words though, he’d always show it through his actions and make sure it shows.

[reds-revenge]

im feeling evil so ALL THE LOCATION ASKS

>:( probably Josie anon, do you know how many times I gotta switch pages now? I’m kidding you’re cool mobile just sucks.

*deep breath* here we go

Amsterdam: yeah, I think so. I’ve always been the weird one, usually in a nice way but I’m still the weird one. I kinda sound like a robot when I’m tired, or trying to accomplish something, and I guess that’s not how all people think?? Anyway.

Athens: ahaha I’m not a perfectionist, I’m the PLATONIC IDEAL OF A PERFECTIONIST. Listen okay I will sink as much time as I need to get it perfect, that’s happening less with the depression bc I just can’t get it up to my standard, I’m trying to make this a Growing Opportunity and learn to set Attainable Goals, but it usually ends with me panicking instead. Ah well

Belgrade: my mother had a loooong list of names and my dad tried to mock them all, they only kept ones that you couldn’t really make weird nicknames for, one of my friends took that as a challenge and called me Kira the Mirra (like mirror) for a year, it was interesting

mom called my kiramodo dragon bc of some noise I made when I was a baby. I thought my name was baby for a while bc they called me Baby Kira my Deara. Then I decided I wasn’t a baby and dubbed myself Kira my Deara the Kid.

Berlin: well for that I’d have to KNOW what I what. I can usually do whatever, but I would really like is absolute certainty about things like do I exist, am I hurting people by existing, etc. and that’s just not something we get in this life. It’s :) so :) fun :) :) :)

Bratislava: it doesn’t have a firm genre, there’s a lot of oddly philosophical themes for something that’s mostly sci fi/ comedy, but there’s also bildungsroman elements bc life amiright, and what’s science besides a mystery?

The protagonist is Done™ with everyone including herself, there’s cephalopods.

Brussels: I’m not fluent in all the languages I borrow from but yeah I do this a lot, I’m a language nerd. I did it more often when I was younger and still liked learning Latin.

Bucharest: NOT ON PURPOSE OKAY, WE’D KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE FIVE SO ALMOST TEN YEARS AT THE TIME, I THOUGHT OF HIM AS MY BROTHER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING EMO STORIES ABOUT KISSING ME WE WERE S I B L I N G S.

I don’t think of him as family anymore but not bc of the ~*drama*~, I learned some Things and grew Wise. (Well, wisER)

Budapest: maybe, I was five, my love was unrequited. We ended up being friends bc in such a small class whatcha gonna do? We didn’t talk about that fiasco for ten years, turns out that whole declaring my love to the class thing was pretty awkward for him. Whoops.

Copenhagen: outside of old, distant relatives, no. I haven’t actually kissed someone romantically before at all, and I don’t have a desire to. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever someday, I just haven’t sought that kinda thing out.

Dublin: between being a minor and being an obsessive rule follower, that hasn’t happened. I doubt I ever will, losing even the slightest bit of control over myself terrifies me

Helsinki: now this is interesting. I’m guessing this is referring to romantic love, but it doesn’t SAY that.

Look, I wanna be a scientist. Like really really wanna be a scientist, always have, always will. This sounds cliche but I feel like I was made for the sciences, I really do.

but I gotta go with love. Not romantic necessarily, just in general. And this isn’t a “well I’d better choose the Virtuous thing.” Like, I feel made for science, but science doesn’t mean anything if you’re not using it for something. Neither does art for that matter. Idk, but without love–for my family, my friends, for squids, for God–i just don’t see the point of this whole life thing. So yeah, I’m going with love

Kiev: YES AND FRANKLY I’D CHOOSE THE KNIFE EVERY TIME. I’m not gonna tell you EVERYTHING EVER THAT WAS SAID TO ME bc that would take way too long but yes, yes I have even when they weren’t trying to be knife words

Lisbon: I’m honestly not sure, like I like Hamilton’s America but I hate Trump’s, also I’m really drawn to the British isles and honestly France and Polynesia and India and Russia are all cool, so like I don’t feel like I belong but I might not belong anywhere if that makes sense? Idk tbh

Ljubljana: not really, I sound like my mother over the phone and if you look at baby pictures without the hair showing Greta and I get mixed up (not by family by friends) I have kind of distinctive hair, so.

London: Google says this is thinking vs feeling basically so I gotta go sense (thinking)

Luxembourg: I REGRET EVERYTHING and I often regret things deeply, like really stupid things bc of ~*damaging theology*~ but now mostly because ~*Ocd*~ (I think idk I guess maybe knocking that board over really will send me to hell, I’ve been spinning over this for YEARS)

Madrid: ALL THE TALENTS but maybe speaking fluent French, juggling, and playing guitar if you want some specifics

Moscow: No. I mean when else would I do all the thinking? Not during the day when I’m half asleep, surely.

Nicosia: whenever I’m nervous or exhausted which is most of the time now tbh

Oslo: HAhahahahaha this is hilarious. I’d like absolute 100% certainty that everything is 100% okay, always has been, and always will be. I don’t know what okay even is here but I know that 100% certainty does not exist and also everything probably isn’t okay, and EVEN IF I KNEW THIS I would still be nervous for some hellish reason, I don’t think I’ll ever actually have peace of mind :/

Paris: I mean yeah, but not more afraid than I am of most things. I guess I’m more scared I’d mess it up somehow

Podgorica: HELL YEAH. I mean, I’m curious about death and franklyitwouldntbeterribleifigothitbyasnipertomorrow @ the government, but setting that aside I’ve been raised on stories of people dying, dying for good or evil but for what they believe and I was kinda scared when I was little that I’d chicken out and surrender to the fascist government or whatever but I won’t, I’ll just do the thing, follow the rule same as any other. And even if my beliefs are wrong we’re all gonna die anyway, so

Prague: not really, no. I’ve got a good family, a good church for once, I’m heading to running start next year to study what I want, I don’t really have something to be jealous of.

I mean I’d like my brain to work but I’m not *jealous* of people who’s brains do the thing, I’m happy for them I just would like to be like that too

Reykjavik: A TINY FLOATING ISLAND COUNTRY I COULD PARK WHERE I WANTED I MEAN I DOUBT I’M GONNA MOVE PERMANENTLY OUT OF AMERICA BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS HARD AND MY FAMILY’S HERE BUT I DON’T LIKE ABSOLUTE RULES WHERE I DON’T NEED THEM

Riga: I would take as many selfies as I had to to get one I only kinda hate, I would post that one. (Yeah this is specific but I’m waiting for the technicality police over here, I totally would tho I don’t really care)

Rome: yeah but not romantically. I mean this is gonna sound weird I’m sorry but once in a blue moon I get an overwhelming sense of God and His love for me, that sounds cheesy or fake or something but I’m too tired to not be painfully honest rn

Sarajevo: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND. I wouldn’t do whatever they asked me to, I’m not gonna sign my mind over bc they’re human too and not always right and maybe the stakes are high etc, but if they need something I'ma do the thing at any cost of time, resources, sanity, etc. to myself I’ve got no boundaries here

Skopje: I honestly don’t know?? I’ve been called a lot of sweet things by a lot of sweet people and I remember EVERY SINGLE ONE and honestly I don’t think I could choose one, they’re all sweet in different ways, you know?

Sofia: not in a physical way, women are shockingly treated differently from men in Puritainville, but most people were fine with me in general if I didn’t touch certain buttons. Everyone had different buttons but never said what they were until whoops! It was fun :)

Mental health is also a super fun topic in Puritainville if you were wondering, someone told my mom when I first pulled out of school that I didn’t need a doctor, I just needed a book on Grace, because clearly my theology was why I couldn’t talk and slept fifteen hours a day

Also being Anglican was interesting, I tried explaining the whole icon thing and Lent and via media but it fell on deaf ears

I dunno if this is prejudice related or not but some guy called me a Pharisee when I was seven bc I told him off for making it impossible for me to follow the rules, he was trying to make us scared to teach us about God’s grace, you can imagine how well tiny Kira handled that

wow okay well I guess that’s a yes then

Stockholm: UNFORTUNATELY

In middle school everyone wrote stories about their thinly disguised classmates, and then in ninth grade creepy mcbadideas wrote stories about me saving him from his life basically and then him saving me from depression with a kiss, it was weird

and then Mom has used the whole family for story ideas

Tallinn: I can’t recall a rumour I’ve heard about myself, I’m very open. There were certainly rumors about me being ~*liberal*~ but that was actually true so idk.

I’d like to hear some though, I’m so out there already it’s gotta be entertaining

Tirana: no??? I’m honestly not sure what sexy is but everyone else seems to? Mom swears boys look at me–she’s usually telling me how not to die at a bus stop when this comes up– but I don’t notice anything

Valletta: thankfully no, at least not a big one. The worst I’ve injured myself was when I kinda timed a jump over a brick wall wrong and took out a chunk of my shin.

Vienna: I gave this one A LOT OF THOUGHT but I don’t think there’s like one song that totally captures my life, I definitely identify with songs but there’s not one single song in part because I’m still trying to process my life, you know? Fit things into the correct slots. Until I do that–if that’s even possible–i won’t have just one song. Sorry!!

Vilnius: yeah, why not? If it’s not like a permanent thing bc I have issues with permanency then it’d be cool, if only to get another point of reference for how things are done

Warsaw: i AM a depression lol. I thought two years was about as long as major depressive episodes lasted but I guess not, or maybe I was misdiagnosed idk

Zagreb: I’ve certainly given my TRUST to people I shouldn’t have, I’ve given my FRIENDSHIP to people I shouldn’t have, but I don’t think I’ve ever given someone my heart when I shouldn’t have.

Zurich: not at all. It’s a means to an end, you need it for college and food and stuff, but outside of that I really don’t care. I’ve been trying to figure out how we could restructure society without money and keep it fair and not suppress individuality and keep everyone taken care of it’s an interesting thought experimentTHERE I’M DONE I hope you appreciate that that took me a couple HOURS JOSIE I love you but WOW am I glad that’s over

[aurelliocheek]

Tropico 6: Winning the Trust of Users

Why postponing is the better option over early release of any games project.

  At the beginning of January 2019, Kalypso decided to postpone the release of the PC version of Tropico 6 until March 29. Originally, the release of the PC version was scheduled for January 25, but the great feedback from thousands of dedicated beta players confirmed the decision to give the title two more months of development time to make Tropico 6 a near perfect game. For the following interview about this hot topic, we talked to Martin Tosta (Producer for Tropico 6) and Bernd Berheide (Head of PR):

Making Games: Starting with an overall view on the delay, what are you planning to do with the extra time?

Martin Tosta: Delivering the best Tropico experience at launch is what we’re aiming for with Tropico 6. It’s incredibly important to us that the game exceeds the expectations of the players who have been so eagerly following the development process of the game, and to take the foundations of the beta to make a good game into a great game.

Making Games: Sure, but what exactly caused it? Were there problems with programming?

Martin Tosta: We’re developing Tropico 6 with an all-new engine so that it looks much better than ever before. With the engine and the new development team (Limbic Entertainment), who have been fantastic, also came new challenges. And while we’ve overcome those challenges, and feel like we’ve been working together for much longer than we have, there are still some rough edges due to the new environment we’re working in. We also received a lot of useful feedback from our dedicated beta testers, which we are really grateful for because it’s provided valuable input and made us aware of certain topics that weren’t even on our radar. So, taking all that into consideration, we decided that we should use the extra time to fine-tune the game and implement as much of the player feedback as possible.

Making Games: Alrighty then. So, you have been given another two months. How are you planning to use the time up until release?

Martin Tosta: In games development, we aim to hit certain “milestones” at a specific date. We’ve done so very successfully in the past and are now actively planning additional milestones for the topics I just mentioned, specifically polishing, and incorporating player feedback. For example, we aim to have a fully working and smooth experience using the Random Map Generator before release. Our full plan consists of many small milestones. We’ve already tweaked the interface and menus a lot, and plan on improving citizen interactions and multiplayer even further, together with the usual balancing and optimization for all platforms.

Making Games: You talked a lot about community feedback. What kinds of insights did you gain thanks to the beta? Are there any features or mechanics that have changed dramatically, or is now different than originally planned?

Martin Tosta: Some gameplay systems and features were not as obvious to players as we expected them to be. So, we’ve made a bunch of changes to those systems, and are still adding texts and icons to make things easier to understand. One example would be the trade interface, where we have now added trade route volumes, and an option to disable all exports. Both of those tweaks were requests from the community. Another point that was kind of small, but still noticeable, was inefficiencies in the simulation of the Tropicans. The community was once again a great help in identifying idle Teamsters, Metro Stations, and game mechanics that could work more fluently – and we’re actively working on those.

  Contact with press, influencers and users is key and cannot be underestimated. Finding the right persons in the team is paramount.

Making Games: Can you give us an example of a milestone or goal would not have been reached or been as polished if the game had come out on the original January 25th release date?

Martin Tosta: Well, lately, we’ve been working a lot on warfare. We wanted to make sure that in Tropico 6, the feature feels more meaningful and interactive than it did in previous games. With the extra time, we’ve already made significant improvements there. Another part would be the cross-platform capabilities of the game. Making sure that all players across PC, Mac and Linux can play seamlessly together was very important for us, and we’re now able to ensure that for launch.

Making Games: Please tell us, how the feedback of the Beta-players finds its way into the game?

Martin Tosta: This process indeed needs some explanation. First, it starts right within the community of our Beta-Players actually. Right there, all discussions and all the feedback are gathered.

Making Games: You are actively in touch with the community?

Martin Tosta: Correct, any player can get in touch with us. Either via our official forums, social media channels, Steam community hubs, to just name a few channels. And for sure, we are trying to get back to them as best we can while still developing the game. After players have shared their feedback and ideas, our Community Management team and QA starts to sort the feedback and ideas. They will create a pool of requests and filter them by validity as well as feasibility and sorting out duplicates. The remaining requests will be forwarded to the producers who decide which of the requests can and should be done. The objective is to get as many requests done as possible Within the boundaries of a running production. After all, the regular development of the game is still ongoing, and every new addition or change has to be carefully planned for. At the end of this process, the requests are sorted into three different categories: Rejected requests, Backlog, Implementation

Rejected will be all ideas that are impossible to develop/implement. E.g. as those might be changing the core of the game completely, or simply require too much work on the structure of the game, or simply do not fit into Tropico or the genre in general. Backlog means, ideas will be stored, as they are solid, But they might require more time or they are dependent on another step in the development that needs to be achieved first, e.g. the implementation of a gameplay mechanic or the creation of art assets. Sometimes, requests will also be stored here to simply achieve a healthy task load for the development team.

Implementation means the idea/feature will be integrated into internal development planning.

Making Games: How long does a feature need to be implemented?

Martin Tosta: There are many steps to be followed and departments to be involved before a request is implemented. Let’s take the Trade UI changes as an example, from our latest January Update. Starting with the art department, which has to create new assets, or edit existing assets from the game. Additionally, our game designers need to design systems for the features and behavior of the new UI. They also need to check if the new system is not breaking or intervening with other features of the game and need to design systems for the features and behavior of the new UI. Next in line, is the coding department, which will start actually implementing the work done by art and game design. When this is done, the next step is to send it to QA for testing in order to check, if the new UI is actually working as intended. The entire process may take several weeks and if everything works as intended, we are able to release the new feature.

Making Games: Who decides on the implementation of a postponement as soon as the need for such a measure becomes apparent? Is the developer basically depending on the goodwill of the publisher or is the procedure for a possible postponement already embedded in the general contract?

Martin Tosta: In the case of Tropico 6, it is the general management of the publisher, who decides in the end, as the brand Tropico belongs to Kalypso Media. But until such a step becomes apparent all parts of publisher and developer are involved from top to bottom. Mainly the Quality Assurance (QA) departments of the publisher and the developer, as well as external QA in co-operation with the producing are the first to say that there might be too many issues with the current state of the game. This can be simply the number of bugs or also features that are behind schedule. In order to get a good amount of data for such a big decision, other departments like Product Management and Public Relations are involved. Especially PR brings in feedback from press and influencers. Also, Mock-Reviews from external freelance journalists might be used to give feedback on the current state of the build. When it comes to the contractual situation, we won’t disclose the actual terms, of course. Obviously, any contract in the industry has clauses regarding a possible delay. It would be irresponsible to not have those. Regarding who is depending on the other is a question of what is causing the delay. Maybe the publisher requested new features, or the developer e.g. underestimated certain parts of development. Ultimately both are dependent on each other and only mutual respect and understanding will help to solve tricky situations like a possible delay.

Making Games: How was the change to the new development studio made in the case of Tropico 6? Were program libraries, graphics and sound assets or detailed information about the function of the economic system, which was used in the predecessor, also transferred to the new development studio Limbic Entertainment?

Martin Tosta: Technically and asset-wise Tropico 6 is a complete overhaul of the franchise. The basic gameplay-ideas and -mechanics, as well as the setting, stayed the same. But anything else was rebuilt. As Limbic is using a new engine and we wanted a fresh start for the franchise nearly all the assets had to be done completely anew. Also, the AI and new features had to be built from scratch. Now every Tropican is simulated what was skipped in the previous installments of the franchise. So, I would guess more than 95% had to be built by Limbic.

  The exchange between departments of publisher and developer help not just for mutual understanding and speed up development processes.

Making Games: Were previous assets even relevant for the development of Tropico 6 or were all content created from scratch?

Martin Tosta: All assets were basically done anew. Of course, previous art assets were a reference to Limbic. But rather in basic style and a benchmark to overcome and do better when it comes to creating the style of “Caribbean Romanticism” we are aiming for with Tropico.

Making Games: Which technical capabilities of the Unreal Engine 4 are particularly exciting in relation to Tropico 6 and which advantages does the Unreal Engine 4 offer over the Haemimont Engine used in Tropico 5?

Martin Tosta: UE4 allows for much bigger playing fields due to its performance. Foliage, the lighting system and other details like particle effects especially for smoke and other details now look very lifelike and the overall graphics quality are superb. There are quite a few advantages that UE4 brings to the table. Another big advantage is that we can adapt pretty quickly to other platforms like PlayStation 4 and Xbox One without having to rewrite most of the code.

Making Games: Limbic Entertainment has already gained experience with the Unreal Engine. Was this perhaps a reason to hire the German studio to develop Tropico 6?

Martin Tosta: Among others, yes. Of course, their experience with the Unreal Engine is a good thing. But also they are a long lasting studio. When we started working with them they were already 15 years in the business as an independent studio. And that in Germany, which is known to not be a favorable place to have a studio especially of that size! One of the other reasons was the easy access: Langen, the town where Limbic Entertainment is situated, is just about an hour drive away, plus there is no language barrier, which helps to communicate.

Making Games: Did the Unreal Engine and development tools have to be adapted first to meet the team‘s needs, or does the Unreal Engine 4 framework package already include all the tools needed to develop Tropico 6?

Martin Tosta: Yes, the engine and the development tools had to be tweaked to create a city builder like Tropico. We mostly had to optimize it for handling the big number of simulated Tropicans. They all have their needs and behaviours, resulting in unique decisions that they take. What this means is that we constantly need to calculate decisions for them and the paths that result from those. Additionally, being able to animate so many of them while they walk from A to B or display some specific animations when they are interacting with a building or with each other, was also something we needed to spend a lot of time on because of the impact it initially had on the game’s performance. That being said, Unreal provided us with many tools out of the box that made the creation of some parts of the game much easier. Especially level designers benefited from that. For instance, the lighting system allowed us to find the right setting very quickly and the tools for landscape editing and mission scripting were also very helpful. What this led to is that we were able to produce maps rather quickly and therefore have 30 unique and beautiful maps on launch.

  Scripting in the name of: Pathfinding and AI are most important for a believable living world and need to be refined time after time.

Making Games: Are there other development tools besides the framework package of Unreal Engine 4 and if so, can you tell our readers which additional tools are used?

Martin Tosta: We used a couple of additional development tools for Tropico 6: Wwise for audio. 3DS Max/Maya for 3D asset creation and editing. Substance painter for working on textures. World Machine for generating maps. MemoQ for localization. Photon for multiplayer matchmaking. Lots Tropican mojitos, coffee, cigars, and chocolate to keep everyone on the development team happy and motivated.

  Making Games: Is a release of Tropico 6 on the Epic Games Store planned to take advantage of the higher margins granted there on Unreal Engine games?

Bernd Berheide: Our focus with the PC version is Steam, other platforms like the Epic Games Store are very interesting alternatives that we will discuss in the future.

Martin Tosta (M.A.) is Producer for Tropico 6 at Publisher Kalypso Media in the Headquarter in Worms and in direct contact with Developer Limbic Entertainment to make sure the game will be the best in the series so far.

  Bernd Berheide (M.A.) is Head of PR at Kalypso Media in Worms. Before his role at Kalypso, he started in the industry as a games journalist and worked in communication at Infogrames/ATARI as well as CDV and as a freelancer for e.g. Deutsche Telekom or Samsung Mobile.

  The post Tropico 6: Winning the Trust of Users appeared first on Making Games.

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